Wednesday, April 16, 2014

MRS. OLDER, WHERE ARE YOU? I'M HERE. WRITING

I received a wonderful email from a sweet younger wife who reads this blog on a regular basis and she asked, "Mrs. Older, where have you gone? Where are you?"  And then I received seven (yes.... 7) more emails saying almost the same thing.   WOW.  I am honored and humbled that you might miss me. 

So just a quick update.  I'll get back to writing this blog very soon.  In my REAL life I am writing a book about lessons my mother taught me... and it has DEADLINES... and my EDITOR expects the stuff on the DEADLINE.  I write a monthly column for a magazine, freelance articles for others, songs and other stuff.  So.. sometime the "real world writing" infringes on my Mrs. Older writing.  The nerve.  Anyway...

So.. thanks for caring.  I'll be back in just a few days.  In the meantime, ask your friends who might enjoy hearing the rantings of a Mrs. Older to sign up to receive this blog via email.  Also, if you DO sign up, be sure to follow the instructions you will get on an email you will receive VERIFYING that you wanted to sign up.  Or... your email address won't be verified and you wont get this via email.

LOVE YOU,
XO,
Mrs. Older

Sunday, March 30, 2014

TEN REASONS WHY (SOME) MEN ARE LAZY - PART TWO

I will get to the last 5 reasons men are lazy, but probably not in this blog.  I received some thoughtful comments about the subject from a male reader.  He suggested that my title should be amended to suggest that SOME men are lazy but not ALL men.  I took his suggestion.  It's true some men are lazy but not all men.

His comments were thoughtful and strong.  He said, "Will you however admit that amongst your gender there is growing number or spoiled, uncontent, that wouldn't be happy if they married Jesus types (or lived in the garden of eden?!)"   Yes, he's correct.

He added, "My point being the general attitude within the church and amongst women these days (along with the media, etc) is that men are lazy. I mean we are supposed to put in our 40-60 hours and then come home and play Mr. Mom, all the while keeping up the outside "men's work" chores of changing the oil, mowing the yard, fixing the plumbing, etc."   Very often this is true.

Another point of his,  "I am constantly bothered by the amount of women's blogs that push how much we are supposed to help do dishes, vacuum the floor and change diapers and how if we aren't throwing on an apron the minute we walk in the door we are lazy. It's an attitude that's crept into the church alongside the feminism and quite frankly the teaching does far more harm than good. I don't see a lot of hard hitting christian blogs to women (although there are a few), mostly ones catering to their "feelings" and have no regard for how protecting a wife's "feelings" does to her other half. Forgive me for my orneriness."  Uhhh...

He also suggested that I define "lazy".  I took his suggestion.  I decided to not use a dictionary but God's Word.There are numerous verses in Proverbs (email me and I'll give you the list) which speak about a lazy man.

Definitions include words like: laxness, slackness, slackening, deceit, treachery, a slack hand.  In Matthew 25, Jesus tells a parable about  a LAZY servant.  In verse 26 He describes him as "WICKED" and "LAZY".  Bible concordances describe the word lazy as SLUGGISH and SLOTHFUL.   The Message describes it this way:  “The master was furious. ‘That’s a terrible way to live! It’s criminal to live cautiously like that! If you knew I was after the best, why did you do less than the least?"

"Why did you do less than the least?"  Being lazy (and wicked) according to Jesus is doing less than the least you can do.  It applies to women as well as men. 

According to the parable in Matthew 25, Jesus EXPECTS us to USE WHAT HE HAS GIVEN US and do MORE with it than when He gave it to us. 
So then....
If He has given you a wife.....love her MORE than the least you can do.
If HE has given you children.. guide them MORE than the least you can do.
If HE has given you a job..... work it MORE than the least you can do.

Doing MORE with what you have been GIVEN is the OPPOSITE of LAZINESS.

Being a LAZY person means NEVER caring about someone else's feelings; NEVER taking care of something that needs to be taken care of; NEVER going the extra mile, the extra foot, or the extra inch.   The end result of this type of living is destruction.  "He who is lazy is brother to him who destroys" (Proverbs 18:9)  And so a LAZY husband is a DESTRUCTIVE ONE.

And sadly, I know many women whose husbands fit that description. And having a lazy husband doesn't seem like such a big deal when OTHER people are dealing with an adulterous husband, or an addicted husband, or an abusive husband.

Jesus points out.... LAZINESS IS NEXT TO WICKEDNESS.

And as I explained to Mr. Anonymous... my focus is to wives... (hence "a word to the wives")
and my heart is to ENCOURAGE THEM IN THE LORD.
And to let them know that they have a Friend in heaven.  Dear wife:  He intercedes for you.  And you can pour your heart out to your Father. And He hears.  And He is not happy when a wife has to live with a WICKED and LAZY husband.

Dear wife:  Look UP.  Speak UP... but not to your husband.. but your FATHER in heaven.

And... on a clerical note... if you sign up to receive this via email... be sure to follow up when you receive an email to verify your desire to receive this blog.  And BTW... where are all of you coming from?  Who is telling you about this blog?  And THANK YOU for wanting to read it in your email inbox.

AND OF COURSE... LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS BELOW... 

LOVE... LOVE... LOVE you,
Mrs. Older



Saturday, March 22, 2014

TEN REASONS WHY MEN ARE LAZY - PART ONE

“We often miss opportunity because it's dressed in overalls and looks like work”  - Thomas Edison


In the whiny world of "what is wrong with husbands" we often deal with the BIG stuff like adultery, addiction, physical abuse, his mother - but there is a huge sea of silently suffering sisters out there whose husbands have a sinister sickness that is slippery and difficult to address. It is  "THE LAZY MAN"
Today...I write to the wife out there who has a LAZY husband and cannot find help anywhere.  I offer you


 
 "TEN REASONS WHY MEN ARE LAZY"

#10 - HE THINKS HE'S SMARTER THAN THE REST OF US - 

"Lazy people consider themselves smarter than seven wise counselors." - Prov. 26:16.

This guy walks in to a room, and although he has no success in life to point to, he gives everyone advice about what they are doing, how they should do it and has a superior attitude as he speaks.   You can find him telling a pilot how to fly a plane, a pastor how to run a church, a musician how to have a music career, an auto mechanic how to fix a car. The recipients of his advice are often too polite to point out to Smarter Than All Of Us that he has no success or credentials to validate his opinion about anything. EVER.

#9 - HE CAN SEE THE FUTURE -

The lazy person claims, “There’s a lion on the road! Yes, I’m sure there’s a lion out there!”  
The lazy person says, “There’s a lion outside! I’ll be killed in the public square!”  
Proverbs 26;13 and Proverbs 22:13

If you talk to this husband.... he knows that if he calls someone they won't answer the phone; if he fixes something it will only break again;  if he tries to work on his marriage it won't do any good; if he applies for a better job, he won't get it.  He KNOWS what is going to happen before he even tries.  His attitude, "Why bother?" is the reason he doesn't.  Bother, that is.

#8- HE LIKES TO SLEEP -
As a door swings back and forth on its hinges, so the lazy person turns over in bed. 
But you, lazybones, how long will you sleep? When will you wake up?
Proverbs 26:14; Proverbs 6:9

There is something about this guy that makes him think he has a right to relax all the time. All the time. He resents any job or any person who interferes with his RIGHT to relax... He thinks life is about doing whatever is FUN.. and work, to him, is NOT FUN....He is always the last one in the family to get out of bed.

#7 -CHRISTIAN COMPASSION ENABLES HIS LAZINESS -
“Those unwilling to work will not get to eat.”  2 Thessalonians 3:10

When my husband was a pastor, a couple with young children started to attend our church.  We later realized that they had made the rounds of most of the churches in our city.  This man saw himself as a minister, although he was not ordained, and spent his days handing out tracts on the street.  His wife was terrified her children would not have food, and that they would be evicted.  When she went to him with her terror....he would tell her to "trust the Lord."  Those of us who loved her saw what was happening and we would give her money, food, clothing. How can you let a woman only have a bag of rice in her cupboard?  When we would do this, his answer to her would be, "See?  God provided."    There are men who are out of work and cannot find jobs.. especially in our society today.. AND WE MUST HELP ONE ANOTHER... but.. this guy felt his "ministry" excluded him from having a job. When my husband spoke to him about his laziness, they left the church.   But in Thessalonians.. they addressed the problem head on - "If you don't work.. if you don't TRY to work... maybe hunger pangs will change your tune"   Furthermore, if you read the verses BEFORE the one listed above, you see that Paul was telling the people that THEY WORKED as an EXAMPLE to them.  They never took anything without paying for it. 

#6 - HIS WIFE IS NOT LAZY -
"She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness.
Proverbs 31:27 

His wife is a Proverbs 31 kind of woman and covers for him most of their lives.  No one sees the work she does behind the scenes.  She and her husband both know that it is SHE who keeps things together in their family.  This makes him even lazier.  He knows if something needs to be done, his wife will do it.  Why should he get himself worked up about it?  She'll do it.  The solution would seem to be for the wife to STOP doing everything... but... most women don't want their children... or themselves.. to have to suffer for HIS laziness.. 


This is long enough for now.  I will finish with the next five reasons in the next blog.  I am certainly NOT INTENDING to bash husbands.  But I wonder why we don't deal with this issue when it rears it's destructive head?

Proverbs 18:9 teaches us that 

"A lazy person is as bad as someone who destroys things."
"One who is slack in his work is brother to one who destroys.

A LAZY HUSBAND IS DESTROYING HIS MARRIAGE AS MUCH AS AN ADULTEROUS ONE.  LAZINESS.... DESTROYS.    Do you ever hear a sermon about laziness? I haven't.

HAVE HOPE, DEAR WIFE... because..God hears the prayers of a woman who is married to a lazy man.  GOD IS NOT BLIND.  He will protect you- even when your husband isn't willing to.  JESUS CARES that your husband DOESN'T care. Cast this upon Him... He cares for you.

What do you think?
Leave your comments.
Also, thank you AGAIN to so many of you who are signing up to receive this by email. (UPPER RIGHT CORNER)
LOVE YOU...
XO,
Mrs. Older

Friday, March 14, 2014

WHEN YOUR FATHER IS THE JUDGE

Two months ago, I was driving to my granddaughter's basketball game on a bright and sunny Saturday morning.  I didn't realize it but I was driving 13 miles over the speed limit. (43 in a 30 mile speed zone) I didn't care or notice that I was going 13 miles over the speed limit, but the police officer sitting in the car on the side of the road cared AND NOTICED. He pulled me over and gave me a speeding ticket.  A $125.00 speeding ticket!!!  A month later I stood in front of the judge.  It was my moment of judgement. Because I have a clean driving record, he reduced the fine if I would agree to go to traffic school for four hours. I agreed. 

Now imagine if... when the police officer stopped me.... I rolled down my window and looked at him and said, "WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME? Stop JUDGING me for speeding!" And what if I would have taken the citation and threw it out the window???  Threw it away as something not even worth reading.   Ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous.The police officer, technically, didn't JUDGE ME.  He simply informed me that I was breaking the law and making me accountable for it. 

THE JUDGE DECIDED WHAT MY PUNISHMENT WOULD BE. 

I have driven over the speed limit many, many, many times and never got caught. And therefore never got judged for it.  And for that reason never bothered to think about or care if I was driving a mere 13 miles over the speed limit. But that doesn't mean it's o.k. to speed.   And honestly, the nicest thing someone could have done for me that day was to say, "Uh... there's a police officer up ahead and you are speeding right now."  I would have slowed down. A simple act of taking my foot off the gas peddle. I would have obeyed the law.  In the long run, the police officer did me a favor.    He created a change in my behavior - I am very aware of obeying the speed limit and looking at the signs along the side of the road.  I don't know how many speeding tickets his law enforcement has saved - and will save - me from in the future.  

WHAT IN THE WORLD DOES MY SPEEDING TICKET HAVE TO DO WITH YOUR MARRIAGE? 

ACCORDING TO THE MANY EMAILS I GET FROM WIVES... we have seemingly entered the season in Church History where telling anyone - especially husbands - that something he is doing is breaking God's law is JUDGING HIM.  Really?  Really.  I am a little bit stirred up today because of the emails I have been receiving from wives.  Now if you read this blog at all you know that I am not soft about wives who don't obey God's Word... but... really... the past several weeks all the emails I am getting is from desperate wives who cannot find anyone - not a pastor or a spiritual elder - to simply speak what God's Word says.

I hardly think it is judging a husband (or wife) for his pastor, or a spiritual elder to say to him  in love,
  • "You know, brother, I understand how much you like being able to have a girlfriend AND a wife and how great it is to blame your wife for you "needing" a mistress but God has ordained that a man be faithful to his wife and vice versa. No matter your reason or excuse, you have to do whatever you can to end the relationship with your mistress. Quit your job.  Move.  Whatever it takes, do it BECAUSE GOD EXPECTS HUSBANDS TO OBEY HIS LAW;... AND.....
  •  I know  how much you like sitting in front of your computer looking at naked women because even Scripture acknowledges that 'sin has pleasure for a season'.  I know you convince yourself that God doesn't see and/or doesn't care, but He does. Furthermore, the damage you are doing to your wife's self-esteem and the problem it will cause for you in the future is nearly unimaginable without God's intervention and healing.  But first you have to understand that you must stop. Do whatever it takes - throw your computer out, be accountable to your wife or another brother, disconnect the internet... whatever.... but it is NOT O.K. and God DOES SEE what you are doing when you think no one knows or sees.... AND....
  • I know you think God doesn't care when you scream at your wife and kids like a mad animal so that their very souls shake but He does... AND....
  • I know you think it's o.k. to not provide for your wife because you don't want to have to get a job you don't like but it's not o.k.... AND....
  • I know you're too embarrassed and/or pride filled  to ask for help for that gambling/alcohol/drugs addiction....
  • but..... brother..... you are BREAKING GOD'S LAW FOR HUSBANDS and it is hindering the way God deals with you and your prayers to Him.  I understand that you don't really want to READ THE BIBLE...but you cannot just throw it aside.  It's God's citation to all of us.  It shows us when we break the Law. Brother, I love you so much that I cannot keep myself from telling you in love that your choices are going to bring heart wrenching consequences."


A few years ago, in my "other life" as a writer, I was able to spend a few hours interviewing author Francis Chan and his wife, Lisa.   As I was closing the interview I asked him, "If you only had one thing to say to Christians in America and all over the world, what would you say?"
His response:  "I would tell them to read the Bible and DO what it says."

And there you have it.  Read the Bible and THEN do what it says.

Dear Wife..

REMEMBER... REMEMBER... REMEMBER...
Your Father in Heaven is The Judge of all that is....
He ALONE has the POWER to change your circumstances. Once again, the same and simple answer is....
Cry out to Him.
Pour your heart out to Him. Ask Him for strength and wisdom and the grace to know what to do, what to say and when to say it.
This is... ultimately... the great hope that you have.
That God cares.
That God hears and does not turn His ears from prayers of desperation.
That He will Judge in righteousness and truth.

In the meantime, clothe yourself with Love.
Leave your husband - and his actions - to the Judge of all that is.
When your Father is The Judge, He does not take lightly anyone mistreating His daughter.
HANG IN THERE.
You are not alone.
God sees.

Love you,

Mrs. Older

P.S. Today's devotional by David Wilkerson goes along with this.
http://sermons.worldchallenge.org/en/node/26911?src=devo-email

Thursday, March 6, 2014

HOW TO BE A TERRIBLE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW

Elizabeth Spence writes a great blog for wives... You can read the following article and many other really well-written Christ focused ones... at...
http://www.thewarriorwives.com

I read it all the time.. Today she wrote a blog that goes right along with my last one.  I think she shares some excellent wisdom.  I pray she doesn't mind me copying it here:

Wednesday, March 5, 2014
HOW TO BE A TERRIBLE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW
My mother-in-law and I are very thankful to have a good relationship.  We've been told many times that we are blessed to have such a good relationship, and I agree.  I'm blessed to respect my mother-in-law and have the privilege of being involved in biblical counseling and women's ministry opportunities at my church alongside her.  I call her with theological, parenting, and domestic questions ('how exactly do I cut up this darn squash" and "why doesn't my taco meat turn out as awesome as yours??"). 

My mother-in-law with her famous orange sweet potatoes on Thanksgiving.
I know that there are many of you out there who have awful in-law relationships.  Maybe your husband's parents are unbelievers and are involved in all sorts of behaviors you disapprove of.  Maybe your mother-in-law is super critical of everything you do or clingy towards her son.  Maybe you have multiple mothers-in-law as a result of remarriages in your husband's family.  I get that relationships are complex and tricky sometimes.  So yes, many of you have difficult mothers-in-law.  However, it is also true that many of your mothers-in-law have difficult daughters-in-law.

What my mother-in-law and I don't often talk about - don't like to talk about, actually, because it's all in the past - is that our current happy situation has not always been the case.  Today I'd like to share with you from some of my mistakes.  Fellow DILs...you cannot control how your mother-in-law behaves or thinks about you.  But as a mother of all boys who will one day "lose" my sons to girls, I am starting to realize that is it hard to be a mother-in-law of a girl and there are many things we can do to make it easier.  But if you would like to persist in making it difficult, here are a few sure-fire ways to mess it up:



Stay away from them at all costs.
I understand that when you first get married, there's a period of time during which you and your husband are attempting to figure out how to establish your own new household.  You need to figure out how to leave and cleave.  You need to work out how you will do holidays and birthdays and celebrations.  You need to work out how you are going to balance working outside the home (one or both of you) with time together.  But if you want to ruin your in-law relationship, just ignore your in-laws altogether.  Refuse to attend family events.  Create your own competing family events and demand that everyone else in the family choose sides.

Get offended at every piece of advice your MIL offers.
I know, I know...your MIL has a constant stream of advice.  She wishes you wore more skirts.  She thinks you should sweep your floors more often.  She hates how you decorate.  She's horrified at how you don't iron your husband's shirts and occasionally order take out instead of cooking a three course meal.  She rolls her eyes at your children's behavior and comments about how she would have handled difficult parenting situations differently. 

I think we women tend to get a little territorial when we sense any wisp of criticism coming from our in-laws.  Maybe it's true that our MILs could tone down the advice or maybe stop offering it completely.   But let's stop getting our feathers ruffled all the time and consider whether or not there is anything valuable we can learn.  Do you need to sweep your floors more often?  Are you lazy about housekeeping and cooking? Do you need some help with your parenting that a more experienced parent could help with?  Is there any truth in the criticism you hear from your MIL?  No matter how it is worded, it might actually be helpful if we could be humble enough to accept it.  And when the advice is impossible to accept (because it's unbiblical or irrelevant), learn to acknowledge it graciously. 

Criticize their family traditions, past times, beliefs, and habits.
Insist that your family traditions are the best way to celebrate.  Engage in constant debate of areas in which your beliefs differ and look down your nose at their different ways of thinking. Nit-pick about how they go grocery shopping, keep house, dress, speak and relax.  Haughtily dismiss the ways in which your in-laws chose to raise their children. 

I love the advice that author Glennon Melton gives to daughters-in-law.  Melton describes a mother's raising of her son as a lifelong weaving of an elaborate tapestry and then says this:
And daughters-in-law, notice the beauty of the rug that your mother-in-law spent a lifetime weaving. Remember that mostly, her pattern is firmly established, no need to suggest improvements. Be kinder than necessary, being mindful that the piece of art it took her a lifetime to weave, her masterpiece, she gave to you, to keep you warm at night. One day you’ll give your masterpiece away, too.
May I suggest that the way you approach your in-laws might actually be a huge relief to your husband?  Although there are obviously situations in which your husband might be glad to stay away from his parents (physical abuse, etc), we need to remember that these people aren't just "your in-laws"; they are also "his parents".  They are his mom and dad.  He grew up with them, made memories with them, was taught values by them, and they have known him way longer than you have (at least until you are middle-aged...then you might be even). If there is tension between you and his parents and you are constantly complaining to him about his parents, there is a burden on your husband's shoulders that should not be there.  Do him a favor and do your very best to maintain a happy, healthy and peaceful relationship with his family.  Don't forget that God calls us to if possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.  "All" includes your in-laws. 

What about you?  What mistakes have you made in forming relationships with your in-laws?  And what helped you to change?

Saturday, March 1, 2014

HE LOVED HIS MOTHER FIRST !

He loved his mother first.  Long before you walked on the scene there was HIS MOTHER.
I'm not saying he loves his mother MORE than he loves you but the honest truth is that he loved her first. 

I am surprised at how rarely I find a young wife who grasps that learning about his mother - and the way he feels about her -  is the core of discovering who your husband really is. And what he really thinks about the kind of wife and mother you are, or will be.

So then, let me begin by saying what I am NOT SAYING.  I'm not saying imitate his mom, listen to his mom, let his mom be a third person in your marriage.  Chances are he doesn't want you to be like his mom in any way.

But you cannot escape the reality that this little boy who grew up to be your husband got his first ideas about women, wives, and mothers from his mom. What was important to her?  Do you know? Was it....Holidays?  Dinner time? Birthdays? Keeping the house spotless? Getting good grades in school?  Keeping up with the neighbors? Ask him.  Did he like that she made a big deal about those things?

So then...say... your husband's mom always made a big deal out of birthdays.... and that made him feel loved and happy..... then you might understand why he feels slighted that you hardly remembered to acknowledge it.
OR
Maybe he hated that she fussed so much... so you might understand why he gets annoyed that you do.

Ask him what he loved about his mom.
Ask him what he didn't love about his mom.
His answers will be a spotlight to his heart for you.
It's only KNOWLEDGE.  It's just knowing stuff..
Knowledge is helpful...
But...take that KNOWLEDGE...AND -  ask the Lord to give you WISDOM about how to use it.  To become a wife who is truly "HOME" in her husband's life.

Let me know what happens.
Send me an email...  awordtothewives@gmail.com

XO,
Mrs. Older





Tuesday, February 25, 2014

WEARY WEDDED WOMEN

His boat capsized and he drifted in the open waters of a vast and terrifying ocean.  He didn't have a raft, or a boat, or even a piece of wood to cling to. He was alone. In the raging waters.  He had to tread water constantly to stay afloat and to stay alive. After a few days, without any food or water, he became exhausted. Weary to the bone. He couldn't keep himself alive anymore.  He stopped trying. His story taught me something very foundational about living life.... and that is....

Sometimes you are just too tired to keep trying.. you get weary of being hit with wave after wave after wave.  You just want the storm to still for a few minutes.  You just want someone else to hold you up when you feel like you're going under.

This man didn't want to die. He wanted to live.  But he just DIDN'T HAVE THE STRENGTH TO KEEP HIMSELF ALIVE ANYMORE.  So he decided to  give up. And he waited to sink.  At that moment he heard a Voice which told him to NOT GIVE UP.  This heavenly Voice was enough to give him the courage to try for just a little while more - and then he was rescued. (Or his story wouldn't have been in the Reader's Digest.. DUH)

Dear weary wedded woman,
Why do you think He is causing your eyes to read this blog today?  
It's a voice from heaven saying, "DON'T GIVE UP... GIVE IT SOME MORE TIME. Help is on the way!!"
Mrs. Older, has been in circumstances throughout my ever increasingly long life when my strength ran out before the problem did.  And in quiet desperation I looked up. And cried to God.  And somehow... I did not go under.  He rescued me.  Somehow... help came.  Not only was I rescued but I was HEALED - and continue to be healed - of all the after effects of the storm. It didn't happen in one second... sometimes He healed me in stages.. but.. HE HEALED ME.  He rescued me. 

I used to feel like I needed to have more complicated answers to such complicated questions people asked me about.. friends struggled with like depression, betrayal, sickness, finances, family problems.  Behind the scenes, people are in desperate pain.  Life has hit them hard.  And today may be the day that someone will stop trying. Maybe you are that someone?  You are tired.  And want to give up.  On God. And on the hope that He will EVER still the storm.  Why do you think He is causing your eyes to read this blog today?  It's His Voice saying, "Don't. Give. Up. Help is on the way." 
He will rescue you.  He will.

Who convinced you that God isn't faithful?  Not God.
Who convinced you that God couldn't change things?  Not God.
Who convinced you that God doesn't care about you?  Not God.
Who convinced you that God doesn't have the power to deliver you?  Not God.

1 Peter 5:7 instructs:  "Casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you".  You don't just cast one worry, one time and it's over.  No.  It's a constant and continuous and daily CASTING on Him.  Not on your pastor, or counselor, or small group leader. But on JESUS.

What's the thing - or things - that causes you to be so exhausted that you want to give up?
Name it.... and then tell Jesus you are putting it on Him.
BECAUSE...
Why?
BECAUSE.. HE CARES FOR AND ABOUT YOU.

I can't make you believe me.
I can only pray that you will.

XO,
Mrs. Older

Saturday, February 22, 2014

SEVEN SECRETS FOR A SUNNY SATURDAY (OR SUNDAY... OR MONDAY... OR....)

According to the weather people, today is going to be a SUNNY SATURDAY.  So many of us are WEATHER WEARY... aren't we?  Even when the sun is shining outside, we can have a dark cloud of DOOM and GLOOM hanging over our hearts.  Mrs. Older is going to give you SEVEN SECRETS FOR  A SUNNY SATURDAY:

1- DON'T FOCUS ON TOMORROW MORE THAN YOU FOCUS ON TODAY:  Try to bring your thoughts back to.. TODAY.  Don't let your mind wander to the problems waiting at work on Monday, or bills that are due next week, or whether or not your husband is going to keep his promises for tomorrow.  You are wasting all that God has given you today.  NEWS FLASH: You may not see tomorrow.

2- DON'T FOCUS ON YESTERDAY MORE THAN YOU FOCUS ON TODAY:   What you did yesterday is over..  What you did wrong and what you did right.    Some of us focus so much on how GOOD YESTERDAY WAS.. that today always pales in comparison.  OR maybe you just cannot GET OVER something you or 'Mr. Husband" did on a particular yesterday... that it haunts you and ruins today.  You CAN "take your thoughts captive" with God's help.  The eternal battle begins in your mind... your enemy ruins your thoughts before he ruins your life.  Stop thinking about yesterday.  IT IS GONE.

3. FOCUS ON EVERY SMALL BLESSING AND BE THANKFUL.  I know you know this in your brain... but... let me ask you:  are you able to walk when you want to go somewhere?  Can you get up and walk to the refrigerator, to the mail box, to the shower?  Some people reading this cannot.  And their whole life would be changed if they could just........walk.  They would give EVERYTHING THEY HAVE just to be able to walk on their own.  Do you take walking for granted?  You shouldn't.  Do you take seeing, or breathing without help for granted?  You shouldn't.  Are you fighting for your life against Stage Four Cancer? If you aren't. then you have so much to be thankful for?  Do you have more than enough food to eat? Do you have more than enough money to buy food?  Do you live somewhere where you can actually just walk in a store and buy all the food you want?  You have MUCH to be thankful for.  So BE THANKFUL.  This involves using your mouth and thanking God for things like... eyesight, and lack of hunger, and good health.  People all over the world would consider themselves RICH BEYOND RICH if they had 1/4 of what we all take for granted.  Don't assume you deserve it.  It's a blessing.

4- GIVE YOUR HUSBAND A BREAK. Really, honey, grow up a little and understand that sometimes life is not fair, and sometimes people do stuff, and sometimes you just have to let it go.  Let. IT. Go.  Whatever he did. Whatever he didn't do.  Yes, it's not fair.  Yes, he is getting away with it.  Yes, you've been wronged.  Yes, you are right.   DON'T THINK ABOUT IT FOR JUST ONE DAY. JUST ONE DAY.  Let it float in to the air of forgetfulness and forgiveness... Sorta like.. no.. EXACTLY LIKE.. God does with your failure.

5- DO SOMETHING YOU WANT TO DO INSTEAD OF SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO DO. You will not finish all those "have to do" chores today.  You will not. You are not going to be awarded The "Wife and Mother Who Most Closely Resembles A Marine Drill Sargent Award."  They stopped giving that award in 423 B.C.   So cross a couple of things off the list and just do something you WANT to do.  It doesn't have to be an EVENT.  But really... most of us work all week at a job where we HAVE TO DO THINGS.  Take some time today to just have fun. Let your kids take a breath and play.  And your sweet husband also.

6-  SING TO GOD.   You read it correctly.  Sing a song or worship to God, The Almighty One.  Open your mouth.  And sing something, and sing it FROM YOUR HEART to the ONE WHO SEES YOUR HEART.  This is not just gooblygok nonsense. This IS AN ESSENTIAL PART of a HAPPY DAY.  Sing to the One who invented singing, sing to the One who invented Music, Sing to the One who Sings over you.  Sing. Sing. Sing. Sing. YES... SING!

7- SAY SOMETHING LOVING TO THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU.  Yes.. I mean this too.  Tell your husband that you love him.  Actually OPEN YOUR MOUTH, and say it with conviction. Or tell him that you appreciate something he does, or something about him, or something.  And do the same for your children... and your family.   AND DO NOT SAY IT EXPECTING THEM TO SAY SOMETHING BACK.  JUST SAY IT. 

Well, let me know how that works.
It will work.
BTW... my editor is encouraging me to encourage, ask, beg, plead  ASK YOU to sign up to receive this via email by signing up at the upper right side of the page.   Would you please? If you read this regularly?  All you will get is this blog.  Your email address is never posted or promoted or sold.

Thanks so much,
XO,
Mrs. Older

Thursday, February 20, 2014

I WANT A NEW DISHWASHER !!

I had a new dishwasher installed just a few days before Thanksgiving 2012.  That's 15 months ago.  When we purchased the dishwasher we also dished out another $200 for an extended warranty and repair contract. About five weeks ago, my dishwasher decided it was done being a dishwasher.  It went through the motions.  The water squished around.  But when all was said and done and the door was opened... the dishes looked dirtier than when I put them in.   Seeing as how the dishwasher that came with the house when we purchased it new lasted almost fifteen years... FIFTEEN YEARS....I guess I expected its replacement to keep working for longer than FIFTEEN MONTHS.

So I called for help.  I called the store I bought it from.  It's been five weeks, four different service calls.. and the same problem pops up again in a week or so.  NATURALLY.., I don't have any faith in my dishwasher or the service company or the store I bought it from. 

I think the only solution is to get rid of it and get a new one.and what I want now is a new dishwasher where my old one use to be.   According to everyone - the store and the repair company for the store - ONLY THE MANUFACTURER HAS THE AUTHORITY TO PUT A NEW DISHWASHER WHERE THE BROKEN ONE USED TO BE.

What does this have to do with marriage?  Sometimes marriage seems to be beyond repair.  You fix one thing and then something else acts up. You lose faith because no matter what you try, eventually, your marriage isn't working.   You ask your pastor, your friends to counsel and pray.  You read books.  You watch videos.  But soon you realize that the fixes are only temporary.  You believe that you need to dump this marriage and get a new one.  That's not always the answer.  Usually, it is not the answer.

There is a well known minister and evangelist, David Wilkerson, whose daily blog discussed marriage today.  Although he is now deceased, his words continue to instruct.  He says:

Adam and Eve brought deceit into their marriage and then compounded their
rebellion by hiding from God’s presence. God never hides—only man does. God
was vitally involved with that first marriage between the first man and woman
and He is just as concerned about every Christian marriage today.

Few marriages can make it if both partners are hiding out from God. Show me a
marriage without one partner that is close to Jesus, and I’ll show you a
marriage with little chance of survival. At least one of the partners must be
in daily consultation with the Lord. It is best when both husband and wife are
talking to Him, but if one partner is running from God, it is all the more
important that the other be able to run to a secret closet of prayer for help
and direction. A praying wife can often save her marriage, as can a praying
husband.

Love alone is not enough to keep a marriage strong—only God’s power can do
that. That power is at work right now, healing and keeping marriages. Where
Jesus rules, the marriage can make it.....


Sometimes our marriages are broken because we have ignored God's teaching and focused on ourselves instead of our spouse.  
Whatever the reason for the breakdown...

ONLY THE MANUFACTURER of MARRIAGE CAN GIVE YOU A NEW ONE WHERE THE OLD AND BROKEN ONE USED TO BE.  God created your marriage.  Your marriage matters to Him.

Ask Him to put a new marriage where the broken one exists.
AND THEN BELIEVE HE WANTS TO DO IT MORE THAN YOU WANT HIM TO DO IT.
He has the authority and the POWER to answer your request.

I love you,
Mrs. Older