Monday, December 15, 2014

THE RIGHT TO FIGHT

Mr. Older and I just celebrated our 45th Anniversary. Most people who know us say that we have one of those marriages that seem happy.  We are happy.  We got married soon after graduating from high school.  When you add the three years we dated in high school to the 45 years we've been married...it means that I have spent 79% of my life WITH my husband.

As we grew in to adults together, we formed our opinions about things together.  We decided what we liked, and didn't like - together.  We planned our future - together.  We didn't have much of a past to overcome..we had little past that didn't include each other.  You'd think that two people who have spent 79% of their lives with one another would never argue.. never disagree... never think the other person is bull headed and stubborn.  You think?  Well... to this day, we have opinions that differ from one another - and to this day - we still have arguments and disagreements. We still have days where we annoy one another.  Why do we have disagreements?

Well, from my side of the marriage, it's because Mr. Older is wrong. Dead wrong.  And refuses to admit that he's wrong and to admit that I'm right. 
He is wrong.
Wronger.
Wrongest.
And conversely,
I am right.
Righter
Rightest.

Are you gasping in horror that I would say such a thing?
Well gasp louder because.. It's just as true about you and your spouse.

Let's face it... no one has an argument with another person because they think the other person is right.  Duh.

We argue to WIN OUR POINT.. because we think OUR POINT is the ONLY HOLY, CORRECT and RIGHTEOUS ONE THAT MATTERS.
That's the truth.
Difficult to read.
Even more difficult to admit.

You are angry and/or arguing with your Mr. Husband because...

You think you are right.
You think he is wrong.
And you think that because  you are right.. it gives you the right to prove he is wrong. 
Don't you?
Of course you do.

YOU BELONG TO "THE RIGHT TO FIGHT" CLUB. 
Your human nature (and mine) instinctively and sinfully urge us to prove our point, insist on getting our way, and believing that winning an argument at any cost is worth the cost of the damage done to the relationship.

You believe with your whole heart... that when you are right.. you have the right to fight..
 
And isn't just reading those words so... so... RIDICULOUS?
I mean who would destroy a day, or an evening, or a weekend, or a home or a marriage on the ridiculous assumption that you are SO CORRECT in your assessment that your husband is SO WRONG that it justifies destroying the peace in your home?
Making you kids quiver in fear over the anger that permeates the atmosphere.
Who would do that?
We would, that's who.

And if I can just suggest that maybe you aren't as RIGHT as you think you are... 
(It IS possible)
And maybe...He has a point you aren't willing to consider...
(Have you considered that?)
And maybe...
Thinking before YOU SPEAK THOSE CRUSHING WORDS..
and 
deciding NOT TO SAY THEM..
Will have benefits in the long run that far outweigh proving your point in the present.
LISTEN TO ME SWEET AND SASSY SISTER IN THE LORD..

Don't believe the Lie that these arguments are not doing damage.
They ARE doing deep and unseen damage to your marriage.

Maybe...he just CANNOT SEE things FROM YOUR PERSPECTIVE because..
 (DRUMROLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL):

HE.  ISN'T.  YOU

Wisdom is knowing when to speak.
And when to let it go.
And that kind of wisdom comes from God.
And we all NEED that wisdom.
And we need to ask for it.
And God will gladly send it.

Don't be a fool with your marriage.

"Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling."
Proverbs 20:3

I love you,
Mrs. Older

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Saturday, December 6, 2014

DOES SUSIE JONES ANNOY THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS OUT OF YOU?

I'm gonna call her "Susie Jones."   She's the woman you know who has the perfect life.  She has a handsome husband, who has a fantastic job making a huge amazing salary.  Oh, yes, and of course "Susie" is one of the prettiest women you know - always dressing with the latest and expensive clothes. Susie is not one pound overweight, and so she looks GREAT in every amazing outfit she wears.  You, on the other hand,  struggle to find something you can afford to buy and then pray that the clothing you can afford comes in a size large enough to hide all your extra pounds.

Susie's house is amazing and decorated the way you dream of decorating your house if you could. But of course you cannot because your husband's job does not pay the money that Mr. Jones is paid, and your house is not like Susie's amazing house in any way, shape or form.  Susie has amazing talent, and everyone applauds her creative genius.  To add insult to injury, her children are the most popular, the smartest, and role models for everyone around.  They look perfect, they act perfect, and you are convinced they ARE perfect.  Your kids never make the honor roll, and don't have an overabundance of friends.

Susie and her husband are also involved at church.  Her husband is one of the lay leaders at church, and the guy that other guys come to for advice.  Your husband is never a leader and always a follower and secretly you wish he was more like "Mr. Jones."

So, you probably think I am going to tell you that "Susie" isn't perfect, and has secret heartaches that you could never imagine.  Well, trust me, that's the truth. But why should I have to tell you that?  And why does that make you feel better inside?  Does it bother you at all that you feel some satisfaction knowing  that Susie's life isn't perfect? I have spoken to countless "Susie's"  who have confided to me that they have pain, and they shed tears, and they have heartache. Why? They're human, that's why.

Still, your life seems pitiful and paltry compared to the perfection of of the "Susie's" that you know.

But "Shhhh...don't ever tell anyone" that the Susie Jones of this world annoy the living daylights out of you
.  Why?  O.K. I' going to tell you why but you may not like what I'm about to write:

  • You're jealous of Susie Jones.  When you compare yourself to her and her life.. you feel less than she is.  And that makes you angry.  It's just plain old human, sinful JEALOUSY.  And not only are you JEALOUS of Susie...
  • You're covetous of the things she has. You secretly wish you had HER life, her house, her husband, her looks, her reputation. You are angry because you can't figure out why she DESERVES what she has.. when you feel like you DESERVE it too.
You know, sometimes we get so cemented in our sinful attitudes and way of thinking that we don't understand that we are called to be content with what we have.  Yes. The rule of life is to BE CONTENT WITH WHAT YOU HAVE.. rather than DISCONTENT BECAUSE OF WHAT OTHERS HAVE.
We give ourselves permission to have unloving feelings about others in our hearts.... and forget that it is OUR hearts we will have to give an account about to our Creator.  And speaking of our Creator, when we pout about what we don't have.. when we feel the life we are living is unfair... we are in essence arguing with God about the way He is dealing with US.

“What sorrow awaits those who argue with their Creator.  Does a clay pot argue with its maker?Does the clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying,‘Stop, you’re doing it wrong!’Does the pot exclaim,‘How clumsy can you be?’"  Isaiah 45:9

So one of the ways Mrs. Older is loving you is to ask you to tell yourself the truth. Jealousy is sin.  Covetousness is sin.  Anger is sinHatred is sin.  Sin is sin. Sin separates us from the Presence of God.  We are like little jealous prodigal princesses... never understanding that it is our hidden ugly attitudes that are causing the breakdown in hearing His LOVING voice.


BUT.. WAIT...  the GOOD NEWS is that WHEN we CONFESS our sin to the Lord.

HE is faithful and just to forgive US.. and then HE CLEANSES US from all the effects of our unrighteousness.  Not only is HE willing and longing to FORGIVE you of your JEALOUSY.. HE IS ABLE TO CLEANSE YOU OF THE EFFECT OF IT.  You will be forgiven.. and you will be cleansed.  You will no longer feel anger... jealousy..covetousness... around Susie Jones.  You will feel LOVE. From Him. And for her.

You Heavenly Father adores you JUST AS MUCH as you think HE adores Susie Jones.  Who put the thought in your head that He didn't?  Was it God? I doubt it.  He wants to make you WHOLE inside. He wants to make you clean. He wants you to LOVE Susie Jones... and how can you LOVE her if you are JEALOUS of her?

Susie Jones doesn't have a clue she is tormenting you.
She is just living her life. The life God has given her.
You just live yours.
And peace will soon reign.
I love you,
Mrs. Older

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Wednesday, November 19, 2014

THANKFUL MRS. OLDER

She wrote me an email yesterday. It read:

Hi, I love your blogs! They really speak to the heart of the matter, namely, the heart is what's the matter. I believe many of us know more of God's Word than we actually apply. And that is what's sorely lacking in Christendom, an application of the Word of God and allowing the Word to govern our actions. James instructs us to be "doers" not merely hearers of the Word of God. Thank you for your ministry, it always blesses me.

I hear from so many of you.  All the time.  I think about you - a woman, a wife, a mom, who takes the time to write to a woman you don't know.. just because she encourages them.  I don't take that lightly. I cherish your words to me. I do.  And you encourage me so much more than I could ever encourage you.  Honest. 

I couldn't have known when I wrote the first post on this blog in February of 2012 that I would come to know and love so many of youWell, we don't actually "know" each other.  I don't know why I decided to write this blog under the pseudonym of "Mrs. Older" but I think sometimes it helps some of you to write.  You don't know me.  I don't know you.  But Jesus knows and loves each of us.  I am thankful for you.  Thank you.

Thank you to those of you who have signed up to receive this via email.  With very little promotion or advertising, in a world filled with an "everyone-has-a-blog" Internet... hundreds of you have decided to sign up to receive this via email.  Thank you. I had no clue that hundreds of you would sign up and that tens of thousands of people would read this blog. Tens and tens of thousands of readers.. from all over the world.  I'm FLOORED.   Someone.. many someones.. somewhere.. are telling many friends about Mrs. Older. WOW!

To those of you who have signed up to receive this via email... THANK YOU.  I am honored that you chose to allow that.  (BTW.. hundreds have signed up but have never followed through with the instructions on the follow up email.. so sign up again if you notice you've not received these)

Thank you to those of you who have trusted me with your hearts over these past two and a half years.  So many younger women have emailed me, saying in one way or another that they are so needy of older women pouring in to their lives but cannot find anyone in their town, or city, or church or neighborhood.  Over these years, many of you have been creating a friendship with this anonymous older married woman.  You email me.  Tell me about your families. Ask me to pray.  We sing happy songs when God hears your prayers.
Thanks for those emails.  (awordtothewives@gmail.com).  I know some of you by name. I pray for your marriages. I cry for your broken hearts.  I applaud you for believing that God is able.   I love to hear from you  Some of you with praise reports.  Others with prayer requests.   I didn't know God would allow Mrs. Older to have a little army of warrior women,  willing to pray and fight for their marriages, their children and their community

Thank you to those of you who follow me on twitter.  (https://twitter.com/awordtothewives).  BTW..... for those of you who write and ask me to just give a teensy weensy more info about myself.  Check out my new pic on my twitter account..and.. here  on this blog..if you look close you can see a very CROPPED picture of me.  Also.. if you would consider to follow me on twitter that would be cool.. also.

Mostly I want to say thank you for allowing me in to your heart.  And for allowing me in to yours.

A few years ago God clearly placed a "call" upon me to try and be just one voice crying in the wilderness to remind us that God expects  OLDER women to reach and teach YOUNGER women.  And God expects younger women to be willing to be taught. 

Of course sometimes maturity has nothing to do with age.. and I have found that under the surface... there are thousands and thousands of younger wives who want God's way and God's will to be what matters in their home.

I love you.  I love that so many of you email me...and comment here.

I am blessed and honored. 
And so.. as Thanksgiving approaches.. I just want to take the time to say
"Thank you"

Mrs. Older



Monday, November 17, 2014

THE EASILY OFFENDED WIFE

I remember writing an article for a Christian magazine a few years ago and a husband related to me (on the SACRED VOW and PROMISE that I would write his words anonymously) that when he and his wife were married for just a few months she asked him if he would like to spend the weekend visiting her parents.  He told her the truth, "No, I'd rather stay home this weekend.  I'm tired."  He says that the catastrophic, humongous and horrible WAR ZONE this created in their home and relationship was beyond any horror he had ever experienced with her.  Of course she got her way.. but what price did her marriage pay?

He said, " From then on...I just agreed to do whatever she asked me to do and said whatever I knew she wanted to hear.  I understood then that she wanted her own way MORE THAN she wanted us to have a real and transparent relationship. It's impossible to have a real relationship when one person has to lie about their own feelings in order to keep the peace."   They are now divorced.  

Sometimes... if you could trace the cause of trouble in a marriage back to the selfish seed that took root and grew up and choked the love out of a marriage it's:

THE EASILY OFFENDED WIFE WHO DEMANDS HER OWN WAY

(Yes... it's true that sometimes it's The Easily Offended Husband Who Demands His Own Way.. but this blog is "A Word To The Wives" so we're gonna go with the wife side of the issue.. o.k.?)

The truth is that just because your husband (or anyone for that matter) doesn't want what you want, or doesn't focus on what you think is important, or doesn't say what you want to hear... doesn't mean that you have cause to be offended.

We force these poor men to lie in order to have a moment's peace.  We don't really want to hear, "Well, yes, your jeans do look a little tighter than they did last month."
or
"No. I don't want to spend Thanksgiving at your parent's house."
or
"I would prefer to not go to the mall with you today."

I mean, seriously.. you would NOT BELIEVE the emails I get from wives who are SO OFFENDED... and if I DARE SUGGEST.. "Well, doesn't he have a right to NOT want to spend Thanksgiving at your parent's house?" 
OR say something like..
"Did you ever step back and take a look at the fact that the only problem is that he isn't doing what you want him to do?"

DEAR LORD.  DEAR LORD.  DEAR LORD.

We have twisted it around, sweet sisters.
 We say, "If you don't want to do what I want you to do, then you don't love me."

Or we say

"If you insist on wanting to do something that I don't want to do, then you don't love me."

But God's Word tells us that:
 Love does not demand it's own way. 
and
Love is NOT easily offended. 
(1 Corinthians 13:5)


If LOVE does not demand it's own way
and
If LOVE is not easily offended.

Then.. the truth is that when our husbands are offending us because they are not doing what we want them to do it's an indication that we do not love our husbands as much as we ought to and not the other way around.

When you love someone the way Jesus loves you...you will not have room to be offended because you aren't getting YOUR WAY.  Jesus example is to put the other person's needs ahead of His own.  And we are to love THE WAY HE LOVES.. not the way the world loves.

I challenge you to have one day of complete honesty with yourself.  Examine what you're angry at.  Offended by.  Is it simply because your husband doesn't want to do what you tell him to do all the time?

If he's being unfair.. unloving...unkind... LOVE still does not demand it's own way. LOVE still does not become easily offended

Talk to the Lord about your heart.
Ask Him to give you more love.  The kind that isn't easily offended.
The kind of love that tells your husband that he is able to be honest with you.
Show him the kind of love that allows him to speak truth.
Even if it hurts. 

We all have a blind spot when it comes to ourselves. 
Ask God to give you Holy Spirit sight.

Talk to the Lord about your husband.... and the Lord will talk to your husband about you.

ALSO..
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DOUBLE ALSO:
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THANK YOU.
And.. I LOVE THOSE EMAILS Y'ALL are sending me.

Mrs. Older




Sunday, November 9, 2014

A VICTIM OF IDENTITY THEFT

When I was a little girl, about 400 years ago, we didn't hear anything about someone stealing someone's identity.  We didn't worry about our credit report.  We weren't looking over our shoulders wondering if someone was stealing our pin numbers.  We just took cash to the store, bought what we needed, and came home.

But now we live in a world where we have to prove who we are to everyone we interact with.  We have to show photo ID.. and we have to show it all the time.  Brand new billion dollar industries now exist to help us prevent identity theft.  Losing your identity is a main concern. Every other day you hear about another store whose customers identity has been compromised.

All of this chaos is a result of society's belief that if we can do something FASTER today than we did it yesterday we have achieved something. 

But doing something faster is not the same thing as doing something well.  Maybe we're not as smart as we think we are?


Our need for speed is the reason we are losing our identities.
Especially the reason we are losing our spiritual identity. 

God doesn't use the Internet.  He doesn't have to. 
Having a relationship with God requires waiting on Him.
Waiting for Him.
Time alone with Him.

I know, through trial and error, that when I am confused, overwhelmed, discouraged, fearful, angry, weak and without faith... it is because I have not taken the time to let God remind me that I am HIS DELIGHT. 

I'm going too fast. 
 
When I let other people and THEIR opinion of me discourage me.. it's because I have not been in God's Word, in God's presence so that He can cut through all the NOISE of this CRAZY FAST world.. and remind me that  I am a JOINT-HEIR with Jesus of all that Jesus has.
But when I stop long enough to let His Spirit comfort me... I am reminded that eye has not seen, ear has not heard, neither has it entered in to the hearts of men what God has prepared for those who love Him...


I hear from so many of you who tell me that you don't really know if God loves you, you don't really know how to hear Him, you don't really think you can understand His will or His ways, you don't know how to pray, your marriage is dry and lifeless... and...

You doubt that you really are HIS CHILD.

The cure for spiritual identity theft is in your hands.. sweet wife. 
I'm sorry to say that in spite of all the Christian books, videos, tv shows, seminars, woman's conferences and events.. and in spite of well meaning Mrs. Olders who write blogs.. 
The ONE and ONLY WAY
to be strong and confident and unmoved by what the world tells you you should be...
is to be in God's presence.

God is not in a rush to give you answers....  YOU are in a rush to hear them.
God sees tomorrow. You don't.
God sees your whole life from beginning to end. You don't.

Wait. Stop. Pray. Listen. Open your Bible. 
Your pastor, your small group leader, your husband, the woman writer who writes books, blogs and Bible studies... cannot change you from the inside out.
Only God can.
Take the time to let The One Who Created You remind you of how much He delights in you.

Sometimes change is good.
But not when it comes to Jesus - who is the SAME yesterday, today and forever.

Too many of us simply don't want to pray.
And that's sad and tragic.. because prayer is the only way to connect with the Only One who has the answers to the question you seek.

Mrs. Older

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

THE COMPANY YOU KEEP

I have heard many pastors and youth pastors using this verse found in 1 Corinthians 15:33 - "Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character” - as a way of warning young people to be careful about who they hang out with.  To be wise about who they count as friends.
I think, however, that it's a GREAT verse for wives, also.  Be wise about who you count as a friend.  For example,

  • There are some wives who don't like their husbands and who never hesitate to say something demeaning about him and men in general. If you have a close friend who constantly points out the negative in her man, don't be surprised if you gradually start to do the same thing to yours. 
  • There are some wives who don't like their husband's mothers.  They speak ill about their mother-in-law and do whatever they can to dismiss, demean and destroy their reputation. Their children are dismissive of her and learn to gossip about someone they should be respecting.  If you have a close friend who isn't shy about hiding her dislike of her mother-in-law, your children are hearing her attitude and it is taking root in their hearts also. 
  • There are some wives who are not happy with what they have.  They always have a slow whine about their house not being big enough, or new enough, or updated enough.  They don't like the car they drive, the clothes they have. If you have a friend whose attitude is one of discontent and unthankfulness, don't be surprised if you find yourself not being content with what you have.
  • There are some wives who make coarse jokes, and speak in an offhanded way about things that should be kept in modest silence.  Speaking about the intimate aspect of their marriage openly and with others.  If you have a friend who is willing to talk about such private things in a public place, you might be surprised to discover that your husband - and other husbands - remember every word she ever says. Keep your private life private.
  • There are some wives who talk the talk about following Christ, but don't walk the walk.  Compromise is contagious. Surround yourself with other women who truly want to follow the Lord, walk in His ways, and speak of His glory.

Well, Mrs. Older could go on and on and on and on.  But you get the point.
If you find yourself feeling discouraged, depressed, disenchanted, and down... maybe it could be the company you are keeping.



Just sayin'

LOVE YOU,
Mrs. Older
BTW... please invite your friends to sign up via email.  AND if you have signed up and are not receiving this... please check your spam box to see if you may have missed the email confirming you sign up.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

WHEN YOUR HUSBAND DOESN'T LOVE YOU

"Husbands, love your wives."  (Ephesians 5:25)

Seems simple right? Wrong. 

Because the end of that phrase is "just as Christ loves The Church and gave himself up for her."  WOW..  WOW.. .DOUBLE WOW!  I mean, let's have some sympathy for husbands. If Mr. Husband wants to obey God by following what the Bible says... He discovers that the kind of love he should have for his wife is the kind of love Jesus has for the church.  And boy have I heard sermons where men have been Bible-thumped to death with that verse.  And I have heard many wives flinging that verse at their husbands as a way of winning an argument.

But.. so few people read the WHOLE THOUGHT.  Jesus is not the Church's Puppet.. doing whatever we tell Him to do.   The next verses complete the thought.  Jesus purpose for giving up His life was to present us perfect and cleansed and righteous before GOD.  Jesus gave up His life so that we could HAVE life, and be reconciled to our Father, God.
He lived HERE so that we could live THERE.

A husband who loves his wife will give up HIS life for the same reason.  So many wives - especially those of us who want our marriages to be Christ focused - lose our focus when it comes to what real love is. 

A husband who loves his wife gives up his life so that SHE will focus on THERE more than HERE.  His concern for his family is to live his life here so that his family with be "there" - reunited with their Creator. FOREVER.

We have gotten it confused, I believe.. when we try to turn a husband in to a lifeless wimp of a man who gives up his God-given power in order to PLEASE his wife.  Jesus didn't come to earth to PLEASE THE CHURCH.  Jesus gave up His life in order to GIVE YOU LIFE.    You may be a wife whose husband doesn't love her. 
  • When your husband doesn't love you - he does not focus on your soul. He does not make the will of God the will that matters in your home.
  • When your husband doesn't love you he allows you to evaluate your lives based on what you have materially, rather than being focused on FOREVER. 
  • When your husband doesn't love you, he doesn't take a stand about what to allow in the home and what to protect you from.
  • When your husband doesn't love you, he doesn't feed and care for you. He doesn't see to it that your soul is filled with the Bread of Life.  He isn't concerned about whether or not rivers of Living Water are flowing from inside you.  
Dear wife,
If your husband is doing his best to guide your family in the ways and the will of God, you have a husband who loves you.

And... if your husband is not leading your family in the ways of the Lord... and isn't willing to give up his life for you...

Your Eternal Groom, Jesus, already has.

When your husband doesn't love you.... Jesus does.

I know, I know... you're thinking that doesn't help you get through life.

But..... it is.  It really is.  Jesus is more real than the husband who is breaking your heart.  You can cry out to Him.  He will hear you.  If you do it every day, eventually, you will notice that "somehow" you heart doesn't hurt as much as it used to. 

I love you.

Mrs. Older

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

WHAT ABOUT HIM?

So, like, three hundred and forty seven years ago, when I was a new bride,
I was a "What About Him?" kind of follower of Jesus. 

You know, like Peter was. In John 21,  Here's Peter, having denied the Lord, and he's sitting and having a conversation with THE RESURRECTED Jesus..which is mind blowing in and of itself... and Jesus.. being full of mercy and love... is dealing with their Resurrected Relationship.  "Do you love me Peter? You do?  Well, feed my sheep if you do."

And Peter, being a lot like Mrs. Older was.. asked the Lord, "But what about him?" pointing to another follower of Jesus.  Jesus answered, "What is that to you? You must follow me.” (John 21:22)

WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH MARRIAGE???

Any Christian wife has got to remember that being a Christian wife means JESUS has RESURRECTED her RELATIONSHIP WITH HER HEAVENLY FATHER.

We are always to remember this.

We are RESURRECTED people. Here and now.  This humility of attitude is something Peter didn't have before the Holy Spirit arrived in his life.  This humility of attitude is something the Holy Spirit wants to cultivate in the life of every follower of Jesus.  Including wives.

Lots of times.. it's easy to fall in to a "What About Him?" attitude in our marriage.  We pray prayers that are like... "Well, Lord, what about him? He isn't obeying you. He isn't loving me like you do. He isn't laying down his life for me? He isn't being a spiritual leader. He's a failure. He's a weak person. What about him, Lord?"

We forget that the ONLY REASON we even have the right to discuss our husband's failures with God is because of our RESURRECTED RELATIONSHIP with Him.. thanks to our LORD JESUS... And when we ask the Lord those kinds of questions, sweet wives, Jesus answers us today as He answered Peter,   

"What is that to you? You must follow me.” 

I must do what God calls me to do in every area of my life.
I need the Holy Spirit to change me from a

"What about him?" kind of woman 

in to a 
"What about You" kind of woman.

A "WHAT ABOUT YOU?" WOMAN ASKS:

"What about You, Lord?  What do YOU want me to do in this situation? What are you requiring of me, Lord? Do you want me to forgive? I will. Do you want me to have mercy? I will. Do you want me to submit? I will. Do you want me to prefer his needs right now? I will.  What about YOU LORD?"

My husband, BTW, is an amazing man of God. Kind. Tenderhearted. Loving. And STILL... I used to wait until HE was doing what HE was supposed to do as an excuse for not asking the real question.. "Lord, what about You?"

The answer to that question always starts with one word: OBEY.

After 45 years of marriage.. I can tell you that a wife whose main concern is obeying God is a wife whose God will take care of her. No matter what.

Thanks for sending me emails. I LOVE THEM. (awordtothewives@gmail.com)
XO,
Mrs. Older


Thursday, October 2, 2014

OVERWHELMINGINGLY OVERWHELMED

This blog is for the silently suffering sister out there who has simply given up and decided... "I can't do this.  Anymore. Not for one more day."  I'm not talking to someone who wants to give up on life - but to a wife and mother who is sure she is not capable of being a success at being a wife and mother.  And if you are a Christian woman... sometimes you feel guilty that you are not simply overcoming this overwhelming overwhelmingness.  Here are some things to think about:

1-. Feeling overwhelmed is not a sign of weakness.

Sometimes life has seasons where things are just too much. This is how life is.  Somewhere, somehow, the overwhelmed woman believes she is weak because life IS overwhelming at the moment.  Jesus was overwhelmed in the Garden when He realized what God was expecting of Him. Even though He was fully God, even though He knew the reason He came was to conquer Death....He said, "Father, take this away from me. I cannot drink this cup!" Please find comfort in the fact that Jesus - ABOVE ALL OTHERS - understands what it feels like to see and know what God is requiring from you and being convinced that you are not able to drink that cup. It isn't a coincidence that He knew that PRAYER was the only thing that would give Him the POWER.  Don't think He is disappointed in your weakness.  He FULLY understands. RUN to Him in prayer. Pour out your heart.  He cares. He does. He does.
“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” he said to them. Stay here and keep watch.Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him." (Mark 14:34-35)

2-Feeling overwhelmed is the way Godly people often feel.

Sadly, in many Church circles, we feel the need to act like Christians never have anything but OVERCOMING thoughts. We all ACT so PERFECT that it is a wonder Jesus felt the need to leave Heaven and rescue us.  However, the Bible paints a different and more truthful story about the people God loves and cares for.  Feeling incompetent, and insecure and inept is a common thread throughout the Old and New Testament.  I don't want to take up the time to tell the stories of overwhelmed people like Moses - who had the nerve to tell God Himself that He had made a big mistake, "I am sure you've got the wrong guy, Jehovah. Get someone else to deliver Your people."  Ever feel like Moses?  Do you ever think that God must have made a mistake when He decided to give you the husband and children you have? Do you feel inadequate to be what you need to be? Well, so did Moses. And look how God helped him accomplish what He had in mind for Moses. God showed Moses He IS the God who can split the Red Sea.  And He is the God who showed Joshua that HUGE WALLS fall down through something as simple as PRAISE. 

And how about Jonah, Ezekiel, Gideon, Hannah, David and Jeremiah? These GREAT people of the Bible all had, "I can't do this anymore" moments.  Peter? Paul?  The Bible doesn't hide their OVERWHELMED moments... As a matter of fact, MOST people in the Bible had SEVERE DOUBTS about their ability to figure life out.  Most of them finally realized they couldn't... and just fell upon the mercy of a loving God to guide them. You can do the same thing. 

"When I am overwhelmed, you alone know the way I should turn." (Psalm 142:3)

3. Feeling Like God Doesn't Care Is A Normal Reaction

Sometimes life hits a person with wave after wave after wave - all at the same time. We don't feel like quoting Bible verses and praying prayers. We just want the storm to stop. We want the fear to stop.  We want the waves to stop. But it doesn't stop. It keeps getting worse. And it seems like God is asleep, and when you pray you get His voice mail. 

The only thing more overwhelming than being overwhelmed is feeling like God doesn't care that you are.  Well, join the group the Bible calls The Disciples.  They were fishermen, used to storms, but were in The Big One and sure it was going to kill them. And they accused Jesus, saying,  "Don’t you care if we drown?” (Mark 4:38) And Jesus stood up, said three words. And the storm stopped. And their question was, "Who is this Man that even the winds and waves obey Him?" 

You know what Mrs. Older has discovered as I look back on my long life? Storms are sometimes sent so God can prove to you HOW POWERFUL HE IS.  True, you may not want to hear that right now. You may not want to ask Him to help you to ENDURE until His answer comes.  BUT... You cannot see the power of God unless and until you see Him get you through something you cannot conquer on your own.In the end, when you are old enough to have enough life to LOOK BACK ON.. you will understand that God's LOVE is the reason He allows storms.  So that you can see that He can conquer them. Once you KNOW for YOURSELF that NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE for God... then His perfect love takes away fear.

If you feel like you have lost your grip on God.. if you feel like you are just too weak... HOORAY! 
What GREAT GREAT JOY and FREEDOM awaits the person who finally comprehends that being His follower is not about our ability to hold on to Him, but His power to hold on to us. You can't hold on any longer? Relax. He's got you.  Until you come to the end of your own strength.. you will never begin to comprehend the unexhaustable power of the Heavenly Father Who Loves You.

You may be getting splashed in the face with wave after wave. but He's still holding you.  Financial problems.? He is holding you.  Marital problems? He is  holding you.  Health problems? He's holding you.  Feeling insecure? Holding you. Feeling guilty? Holding you.  Feeling afraid? Holding you.
Always. Eternally. HOLDING YOU.

How do I know these things?
Mrs. Older has been where you are.
And I can tell you with GREAT assurance that every single person mentioned.. saw their storm end. And victory arrive.
 
And I have found - IN RETROSPECT OF COURSE -  that God is being the MOST LOVING to me when He creates a situation in my life that I CANNOT FIGURE out on my own..
Being overwhelmed is no fun.
But it's just a season.
Seasons change.
Hang in there.

THIS IS LONG ENOUGH.. already.

Thank you to all of you who send me emails.
We are, some of us, becoming friends, aren't we?
Keep sending me emails. (awordtothewives@gmail.com) I LOVE GETTING THEM.
And feel free to leave your comments.  (Even if you don't like what I wrote. I can take it.)
Love,
Mrs. Older


Tuesday, September 30, 2014

JESUS ISN'T EXHAUSTED. YOU ARE.

My grandmother was a saint of a Godly woman, whose mastery of the English language was limited. When she tried to speak to her grandchildren she would say a sentence in English, and then speak in her native tongue to her daughters - and they would explain exactly what she was trying to say. 

One of her favorite phrases in English was simple:  "The spirit is the spirit and the flesh is the flesh."   What she meant is that no matter how much a woman wants the things of God, wants to hear God's voice through His Word and through prayer, wants to be the kind of wife and mother God intends for her to be  - a tired body trumps a willing spirit every time.  Jesus explained it to His disciples who were too sleepy to stay awake and pray with Him in the Garden of Gethsemane, "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." (Mark 17:38)

I would like you to consider something.  Don't dismiss your constant exhaustion as something non-spiritual in nature.  Maybe one of the tricks of the trade of the Enemy of The Family is not always something as obvious as adultery, pornography, financial woes or a meddling mother-in-law.  Maybe?? Maybe??? He creates a lifestyle that so exhausts us that no matter how willing our spirits may be... OUR FLESH IS TOO TIRED TO CARE.

Could be the reason that one of Jesus FIRST invitations was to EXHAUSTED PEOPLE.    He said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you.  Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light."  Matthew 11:28-30.

The exhaustion was two-fold: people who were weary of religious ritual and peole who were exhausted from hard labor.  He promised that when an exhausted person simply comes to Him... comes to His side.. He will give that person rest.  You don't have to sign up for a ten-week course with homework about "LEARNING HOW TO REST." Nope.. He simply gives you a coffee break from life IF YOU WILL SIMPLY GO TO HIM.

Second... those verses tell us that if, after we simply come to Him,  we then begin to life a LIFESTYLE of being yoked to Him, leaning on Him, letting Him lead... the rest will actually TAKE RESIDENCE in our souls.  In other words, you and I will find the peace we crave because it will become part of us in our very soul.

Dear sweet exhausted woman, just cry out to Jesus right now. Just tell Him, "HELP. I AM EXHAUSTED."

And then... He will begin to show you the things in your life that are sapping your energy.  I have heard many well know Christian leaders say, "Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is take a nap."  I wonder if they knew my grandmother.

You cannot see life clearly through exhausted eyes.
Maybe the best advice you will hear is what I am about to tell you:
TAKE A NAP.
TAKE A DAY OFF.
CANCEL SOME COMMITMENTS FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS.
STAY HOME.
REST.

Eventually, your lifestyle will have to include RESTING YOUR BODY.
But today... take some time to let Jesus HOLD YOU.
Jesus isn't exhausted. You are.  He never runs out of strength.
Lean on Him.

I know it sounds old-fashioned and simplistic.
I am sorry if you feel that way.
However.. it's the truth.
LOVE YOU....
LOVE YOU....
Mrs. Older

Friday, September 26, 2014

TWO PEOPLE WITH ONE REPUTATION

People have lots of opinions about tattoos... and so let's not discuss your opinion about tattoos.. let's look at the picture.  I think this picture says ten thousand words about how God looks at a married couple.  They are no longer two.. but together they make one new beautiful creation.  This is you and your husband before God. Two people becoming ONE NEW AND BEAUTIFUL THING.  

True, the left hand isn't the right hand and the right hand isn't the left hand.   BUT... in order to see the whole picture.. BOTH hands must meet as one.  Everything about that picture is incomplete without the other hand. 

Now, the left hand doesn't NEED the right hand to survive... and neither does the right hand.  The left hand can do lots of stuff on its own - as can the right hand.  BUT.... in order for the world to see THE WHOLE PICTURE OF WHO THEY ACTUALLY ARE... they must be close. They must be as one. 

Today... I just want to remind my sweet Mrs. Younger readers that your husband's reputation is in your hands.  Furthermore, HIS REPUTATION becomes your reputation and vice versa.  WHY?  You are one.  The Bible tells us in Proverbs 22:1 -

"Choose a good reputation over great riches; being held in high esteem is better than silver or gold."

What is your husband's reputation according to the words you speak about him and to him?

Today...think about the words you say ABOUT your husband.  In front of the children; in front of your extended family; in front of your friends and neighbors.

Today... think about the words you say TO your husband.  In front of the children; in front of your extended family; in front of your friends and neighbors.

A wife who publicly tears her husband down with her words is tearing herself down at the same time.

A wife who publicly honors her husband with her words is honoring herself at the same time. 

I have heard some women... in an effort to get help, or find support, or simply vent.. SAY THE MOST DEMEANING THINGS ABOUT THEIR HUSBANDS IN PUBLIC.  When my husband was a pastor, I tried to encourage our women to find someone to pray with when they had struggles in their marriage.. but I also reminded them that not every single thing that is wrong with your husband has to be told to every single person you meet.

Truth is...every person alive... every husband... every wife... is just a flawed human.  We are most like God when we choose to see Jesus in another person and not that person's flaws.

My dear husband of almost 45 years - Mr. Older - isn't perfect but you'll never hear me telling you why.

Think before you speak.  The reputation you save will be your own.
I love you,
Mrs. Older
P.S. WOW.. WOW... and DOUBLE WOW.. to all of you who have chosen to sign up to receive this via email. (Upper right corner of the page)
After you sign up, you will get a confirming email.  Follow the instructions.
The only thing you will receive is this blog when I write a new one
PERIOD.
The End.
ALSO.. if you care to leave your comments or send me an email (awordtothewives@gmail.com) I would be a very happy OLDER WOMAN.

Sunday, August 31, 2014

MARRIAGE IS LIKE A FOOTBALL GAME.

Football season has arrived once again.  Every level of humanity in America is affected by football season.  Starting with the NFL, all the way down to twelve year old children in Middle School... football is upon us.

I'm hoping you have a football kind of marriage.  When you watch football, everyone on the team is happy to simply be on the team.  Everyone on the team has one goal - to win.  Everyone on the team knows that the OTHER team has the opposite goal for their team - to lose.  So you have one team trying to score and the other team trying to keep them from scoring.

Have you EVER seen a football game where the wide receiver - who wasn't able to catch the game winning pass - ran back to the quarterback to scream at him about the poor pass he threw? Or that he threw the pass too early?  Or too late?  Of course not.  No one on a winning football team wastes time pointing out the faults of the other person on the team.  They just get up and keep playing.

Have you ever seen a winning football team where the quarterback was offended and pouty and wouldn't play because he didn't want to have to listen to his coach?

Have you ever seen a winning football team who forgot that the OTHER TEAM was playing to defeat them and make them go home crying?

No.  NOT A WINNING TEAM.

But in so many marriages, one spouse uses up so much time blaming the other one - and- not willing to take the blame for their own mistakes - and -  being offended because The Coach in heaven has rules about the way to play the Game of Marriage. (though marriage is no game)

Also.. in so many marriages one or both spouses seem to forget that there is ANOTHER TEAM out there... the opposite of God's team... and their only goal is to be sure your marriage loses.

Marriage is a team sport.  Every person involved has their own job to fulfill to be sure that marriage succeeds.

There's a difference between being an expert and having experience.  I'm no expert, but God has blessed me with a happy marriage for the past four and half decades.  I know from experience that until and unless you accept that you and your husband are on the SAME TEAM...you will actually be playing for the OTHER TEAM without realizing it.

Ask God to help you see marriage the way HE SEES IT.
And He will.

I love you,
Mrs. Older

P.S. So many of you are sending me emails.. and we are becoming "friends."
Thank you.  I try to answer every email I receive.

Email me at:  awordtothewives@gmail.com

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

LOOKING GOOD FOR YOUR HUSBAND - AGAIN.

BY FAR.... THE MOST POPULAR POST MRS. OLDER HAS EVER POSTED IS THE ONE TITLED "LOOKING GOOD FOR YOUR HUSBAND" which I posted on May 14, 2013.  I don't know WHERE the traffic is coming from, but baby it's coming.
I have posted a link at the bottom if you'd like to read the original post.
But some of the comments were so good.. I have listed them here..  After the comments is a link to read the original blog. LOVE YOU ALL.

COMMENTS:

Mark Williams May 14, 2013 at 8:04 AM
After twenty five years of marriage, and three children, my wife follows this advice. To me she is as beautiful as the day we met. In my role as a pastor and counselor I would say that women often underestimate the power of their appearance. I agree with you, and know that you are a brave woman to have posted this. I await the additional, less friendly comments that will appear. Blessings to you dear woman of God.


Anonymous May 14, 2013 at 8:23 AM
OMG I was making fun of this post as my husband and I were driving to the dentist. And after reading it, expecting him to laugh at you along with me he said 'she isn't entirely wrong'. Which has started a long discussion about how men (not him of course) are visual more than women. This in turn has gotten me thinking that it is possible he is telling me to care about my appearance more than I have been doing. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG.

Anonymous May 15, 2013 at 6:05 AM
I wholeheartedly agree and I thank you IMMENSELY for speaking truth. It DOES matter to our husbands, even if they don't outright say it! I think taking the time to look refreshed and pleasant to our husbands is a way to show them respect, which is a great need for most men. I'm a stay~at~home~mom who did have four children in four years (one set of twins!)and I homeschool full~time. About half an hour before my man gets home, I fix my hair, put on some lip gloss and spray my vanilla spritzer on. He's never commented on this BUT I assure you he would notice if he came home and I hadn't done those things. Excellent post and a great reminder! : )



Elizabeth@Warrior Wives May 16, 2013 at 1:16 PM
Oh, I love this!! I've read many posts on how wives should stay attractive for their husbands and I have heard no end of complaining and griping about how our husbands shouldn't care. And about how our bodies change after babies, etc...I find all that frustrating because you're absolutely right - we should CARE the way we used to, not necessarily LOOK the way we used to. LOOKING the way we used to is just downright impossible sometimes; I'll never erase the scar from c-sections or the sagging skin and stretch marks from 3 pregnancies, but I can still take the same amount of care over my appearance to try to delight my husband. (Who, for the record, says he doesn't even notice all those stretch marks, thinks I'm beautiful and loves that I make an effort to not be frumpy) And for all those people who say they have no time because they have kids...no, you have time. If you have time for Facebook, you have time to change out of sweatpants or put makeup on. If something is important to you, you will make time.



Anonymous September 19, 2013 at 5:54 PM
ok I agree but you failed to mention anything about how he should treat you the way he did when you first met and make an effort and help around the house like he use to or make time just for the 2 of you like he did in the beginning. Date nights are still important after 20 years. Knowing that your hubby wants to spend time with just you like he did in the beginning is important. I'm so sick of do for the man do for the man...it is a 2 way street people! you both have to do for each other no matter how long you've been together!


Gaye @calmHealthySexy May 16, 2013 at 2:08 PM
Very good advice. We may not want this to be true, but I think it is true. The idea of keeping the focus on caring as much rather than looking the same is brilliant.


Jim B.  May 16, 2013 at 5:54 PM
I don't know exactly why I, as a husband, find this blog so interesting, as I'm not its intended audience, but it's great. Let me offer a bit of advice to the fellas who may be seeing this: YOUR appearance matters to your wife, too, even if they're not quite as "visual creature" as men are. This is good advice for the men too.


rockhisworld May 17, 2013 at 1:49 PM
I have to agree. I enjoy seeing her much more when her hair is fixed and she is wearing something nice. It honestly makes me want to spend more time with her. Am I shallow? Maybe. I love her either way, but enjoy her looking nicer more. Just like, there are some meals I like better than others.

I understand that my wife cannot look her best every day, but I also don't enjoy it when she spends days in those stupid gray sweats that she loves. I have threatened to burn them and replace them with something in a better color. :)

I also know that I should do my best to look good for her. I try to do it, whether she is in her gray sweats or the nice sweats I did buy her.


Anonymous May 21, 2013 at 7:09 AM
Thank you for being brave enough to post this! It is far to easy for us as wives/moms to take our husbands for granted in this way. I see it as a way of respecting my man and showing some self-respect, too. We don't need to vacuum in a starched dress, heels, and pearls, but showering, wearing something other than sweats, and not looking sloppy are reasonable expectations. When I make the effort to look put together for him (and my kids; they don't want to be embarrassed by my appearance, either!), I feel better about myself.


KM Logan May 30, 2013 at 3:59 PM
THIS IS THE BEST ADVICE I have read on this subject! I have read so many posts that take the tone, if you don't wear makeup or take time to do your hair then you're a bad woman. I've read so many blog posts because I physically can't wear makeup,I've been dealing with facial cysts that make my chin swell up to the size of a softball, my hair went through some trauma and started falling out, and I had 3 babies in 3 years! I can't look the way I used to look, but I do care. Thank you! This is what so many posts I read are lacking. They make me feel inadequate simply because I'm stuck in my skin. I do care about my appearance even if it is worse than I'd like it to be.

Stephage August 14, 2013 at 12:07 AM
Okay this is great! And you're awesome!
I don't want to come off as conceded or anything when I say I am a very attractive woman, I don't need to wear makeup to look amazing and after three kids I think my body is even better, but what good is that? It makes me lazy, sometimes cleaning the house and cooking and looking after the kids I don't even change out of my pjs heaven forbid brush my hair, my poor husband tells me I'm the most beautiful woman in the world regards if I even brush my teeth!
So after reading this I changed Mu clothes, put some light make up on brushed my hair and put some nice perfume on so when My man comes home today to a clean house happy children and warm meal he will also come home to a woman who said " hey you're still worth getting dressed up for "
Thanks!

Mindy Pribe September 13, 2013 at 12:32 PM
My soon to be hubby and I were just talking about this. I googled "How to look good for my husband" and this blog popped up. I clicked on it and started reading. It has everything he was trying to explain to me. PLUS you included God!! We are Christians and it was so awesome to read a godly post. Kinda like God wanted me to read this. Thanks!!




HERE'S THE LINK TO THE ORIGINAL BLOG POST:


LOOKING GOOD FOR YOUR HUSBAND

Sunday, August 10, 2014

IT'S SO MUCH EASIER TO CURSE THE DARKNESS

It's been said that it's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness. (The quote is attributed to various sources).
 
My "candle" has become to URGE the older women in church to love and guide and nurture the younger ones. 

It's SO MUCH EASIER TO CURSE THE DARKNESS. To sit back and do our lives... to play with out grandkids.. and go on vacation.. fix up our homes..and... we look around and sadly shake our heads and ...bemoan and mourn about how SAD IT IS WHAT SATAN IS DOING TO FAMILIES...but we never take a look in our 10X mirrors and grasp that WE ARE GOD'S ANSWER to what satan is doing to families.  Does God have a plan to save the younger generation? YUP.  Look in the mirror.  You're the plan.

Trust me.. Mrs. Older is NOT a cranky old lady... I write HUMOR columns.  I am a happy little trooper of a woman. BUT THIS CANDLE IS BURNING SO HOTLY WITHIN ME.  BURNING DEEPLY.   This little blog is just one way I am lighting candles... PLEASE CARE FOR THE YOUNGER WOMEN AROUND YOU. Be there.  Care. Love. Teach. Nurture.  THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS RETIREMENT IN THE KINGDOM OF GOD.  You may not be a Bible teacher, but you know LOTS OF THINGS that younger women would WELCOME. 

A blog or two ago, I asked younger women to write and tell me their side of the story.  This woman commented.  I am INCLUDING her comments here...

Thank you sweet woman for posting them.


"I think there are a few things that play into this dynamic. Women from 20-40 have been raised in a feminist society that double-dog dares us to admit we can't do or know it all by ourselves. This is terribly unbiblical, but most of us don't even know that. We were largely raised in homes where God was only mentioned occasionally if at all. We may have been taken to Sunday school and VBS, but we weren't taught at home because our parents were both working to provide us with a "better life." Because we are following in their footsteps, we are much more influenced by societal norms than biblical truth. 

We desperately need help from women who've been there and done that, but we believe that to acknowledge that need is weakness. For those of us who do know our Bibles and value its truth and our Savior more than what society would have us believe, pickin's are slim. It's rare to find a woman our mothers' ages who is spiritually mature enough to help us.

In my case, I have several wonderful, older, godly, bible-brained women whom I can ask for help. I feel VERY blessed in this. Of course, these relationships happened because I did actually ask for help. I remember the first older women to offer me help without my asking. She was persistent even though I gave her the, "I've got it covered," attitude (I was 23 and quite arrogant back then). She became one of the most precious people to ever love me. We developed a beautiful relationship, though I never made it easy for her. She was willing to face my rejection of her offer of experience in order to love me. Sounds like Jesus, doesn't it?  

Older women, please don't take our arrogance and falseness personally. Do what God calls you to do even if we aren't mature enough to appreciate it. It WILL make a difference."

Saturday, August 9, 2014

FIVE THINGS I WOULD TELL YOUNGER WIVES IF I WERE BRAVE ENOUGH.

1. YOUR HUSBAND IS JUST A MAN.
Many younger wives expect the guy to be Jesus in a suit, providing an excellent lifestyle, and putting her needs so far ahead of his own that he can't even figure out what his needs actually are anymore.  And God help him if he even tries.  He was not created to heal your childhood abuse, your disappointments in life, and your inner need for inner peace. Only Jesus can do that. Don't crucify your husband for not being Jesus.  Jesus was already crucified in your husband's place. 

2. YOUR CHILDREN ARE RUNNING YOUR LIFE. 
Yes. They. Are.  As someone who has been in leadership roles in church, and as a pastor's wife for many years.. I know from experience that you can tell a woman any thing on earth - EXCEPT- something about her kids.  Or how they have been given WAY TOO MUCH POWER.  In my real life, I deal mostly with evangelical women who go to church regularly.  One thing I see TOO OFTEN is wives who are SO FOCUSED on the children that dad becomes Mommy #2 instead of Daddy #1.   

You need the Holy Spirit to give you the wisdom to know when you are to place more importance on being Someone's Wife than on being Someone's Mom.  I'm not telling you to ignore or abuse your kids.  I'm just telling you that.. they will NOT DIE.. if a couple of nights a week they don't get to do everything they want to do ... or heaven help us all.  I'm just saying that too many women are using the children as a way to control their husbands.  I'm saying that I deal with too many women whose husbands are TERRIFIED TO SAY ANYTHING ABOUT BEING TREATED AS A NANNY instead of a HUSBAND. 

For the love of God and your marriage, do something as a couple now and then.  Send the kids to Grandma's house.  Go out on a date.   Listen to your husband's heart again.  Do you know what he is dealing with? At his job?  In his heart?  Do you take the time to hear your husband speak? Do you tell the children to be silent when Daddy is talking? 
IF YOUR SCHEDULE IS SO BUSY THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TIME TO LISTEN TO THE MAN GOD GAVE YOU.. THEN... CUT SOME THINGS OUT OF YOUR SCHEDULE, WOMAN!

Do you show the children that Daddy had a life before they did?  Who runs the house?  Your children need to SEE you honoring their daddy as the head of the home, and not view him as just someone else WHO IS AFRAID TO STAND UP TO MOMMY.   Sure, he needs to help, but he isn't your kid. Stop barking orders at the poor man. 

3. YOU ARE NEGLECTING YOUR APPEARANCE
God looks at the heart, this is true. And you have a beautiful heart, I'm sure.  However, man (as in...YOUR HUSBAND...) looks at the outer appearance.  Yes.  He does.  I don't know why men are created that way, but God knows why.  I'm not going to argue with the Almighty Creator of Humanity.

Now before you post comments about the four kids, and losing weight, and not having time, etc.... I know and I feel your frustration.  I'm not saying LOOK the way you LOOKED, I'm saying CARE about your appearance the way you CARED.  (I wrote about this in this blog's MOST POPULAR entry.. "LOOKING GOOD FOR YOUR HUSBAND. You can click on that post.. over on the right hand column)   It's true, there are seasons in life - having a newborn, or being ill - where your appearance should be the LAST THING that matters to your husband.  But if you are not in one of those seasons.. trust me.. sweet woman... YOUR HUSBAND NOTICES THE WAY YOU LOOK.   Fix yourself up.  Throw those sweat pants away.  OK?

4. YOU ARE NOT EMBRACING SUBMISSION.

Society has a way of taking a very valuable aspect of God and His Word and twisting the word so that it seems like a cruel and unreasonable concept.  And so it is with the word "SUBMIT"... and what it really means.

First of all... when we run from that word we are -in essence -  accusing God - who is JUST - of being unfair and unloving. Yes.. I know I know.. you and I WOULD NEVER accuse or doubt God... and yet.... so many of we evangelical wives have secretly changed our opinion of submission to mean what society says it means.  SUBMIT?  No way.

So let me ask you something:  Do you accuse the traffic authority of being UNFAIR when you choose to submit to a red traffic light?   You and I stop when the light is red because we know that the traffic authority's MOTIVE is to keep us safe, to keep traffic flowing smoothly and fairly.  We don't yell and complain, "What right do you have to INSIST I stop at a red traffic light?"  We don't accuse the traffic authority of demeaning our personhood or of being misogynist monsters..
NO..  We SUBMIT to that authority - and willingly stop at the RED traffic light.  NOW.. if you want to get real and honest.. truth is... you can GO THROUGH a red traffic light if you are willing to suffer the consequences.  You may get a traffic ticket. Or you may get sideswiped by oncoming traffic and suffer grave and serious injury. So you stop at a red light. You SUBMIT. 

At work, you are probably not THE CEO of the company..(AND IF YOU ARE.. YOU STILL HAVE STOCKHOLDERS TO ANSWER TO) 

so you submit to the role that you have been asked to fill.  Why? Because you are helping the CEO and the STOCKHOLDERS to reach a goal.  You are your company's HELP MEET.  You don't go to protest rally's which say that your CEO is trying to enslave you.. do you?  You don't expect the CEO to do YOUR JOB do you?   Of course not.  You understand that a company filled with nothing but bosses cannot succeed. 

And so all throughout society... we understand that in many different institutions.. someone has the responsibility to lead.. and someone has the responsibility to follow that lead... FOR THE GOOD OF ALL INVOLVED.

That's all that submission is.  Submission has to be VOLUNTARY or it isn't submission.  It isn't being a slave. It's simply accepting that in order for MARRIAGE to succeed... someone has to have the PRIMARY responsibility.. and God has placed that responsibility on husbands.  Why?  I don't know why! Ask God.

If you don't want to have to submit to your husband..... ask yourself "why?"
I suspect it's not because you don't trust HIS LEADERSHIP..
I suspect that the root of it is that YOU DON'T TRUST GOD'S LEADERSHIP.
The more I trust God to be faithful and fair, the easier it is for me to submit to others.. not only my husband but to every authority God has allowed to be in power. 

Submit to GOD in all things. 
And let HIM worry about whether or not someone is being fair.. 
Which brings me to #5


5. PUT TRUST IN THE FAITHFULNESS AND FAIRNESS OF GOD.
On the other hand, sometimes husbands are simply not doing even the most basic things a husband should do - loving, protecting, nurturing and caring for his wife.  THIS is true. Some husbands are total failures... no matter how hard you try to find something to respect.  

SOOOOooooooooo......  I just want to let you know that God sees.  I'm not telling you that you should just buck up and bear it.  I'm telling you that ONLY GOD can be your defender, your provider, your heart mender.  If your husband is a loser... God is not.  If your husband doesn't love you... God does.   TRUST GOD WITH EVERY DETAIL OF YOUR BROKEN HEART.
And..
I'm telling you that EVEN IF YOUR husband is CLOSE TO PERFECT, He can never be what Jesus is.  He can never heal your heart. Your spirit. He can never bind up your broken hearted-ness . He can never set your captive spirit free.  ONLY JESUS can do that. ONLY JESUS. 

If you would actually TRUST that truth... if you would actually UNDERSTAND that in the end.. ONLY JESUS has the power to change what needs to be changed... 
YOU WOULD RUN TO HIM and HE WILL GIVE YOU REST.

OK.. 
Well.. this is long enough for today.  I guess these are five things I would say to younger wives if I was brave enough.
WOW.  I guess I AM brave enough.

Also...Mrs. Older is so happy that so many of you are signing up to receive this via email. Once again, let me say that no one gets your email from this blog, and you won't get anything BUT THIS BLOG.  I'm not selling anything here. Just GIVING you JESUS.
I love you.
Mrs. Older.

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