DAY 4 - WOEFUL WIVES AND MISERABLE MOMS

 Day #4 of "Say It For Seven"  - AND TODAY I AM WRITING TO THE MISERABLE MOMS AND THE WOEFUL WIVES. BECAUSE...Some of you...HONESTLY... are not "feeling" the experiment. 

EXACTLY.  PRECISELY.  This experiment is not about what you FEEL like saying  but speaking the TRUTH about the good things in and around your life.  You are surrounded by good things. Sent by God. Your focus is simply off.  OK? OK.  It's not your husband, your kids, your circumstances.  It's your heart. 

For those of you who still feel MISERABLE INSIDE.. and....cannot in all TRUTH  find anything to be thankful for.. or any GOOD THING in your life...  I am getting ready to give you the MOST EXCELLENT ADVICE.  READY?

Stop trying to find the truth and let The Truth find you. 

HUH?  
JESUS is.....THE TRUTH"   He promises to send the Holy Spirit - "The Spirit of Truth" to any of His followers who ask Him to.  I am writing to those of you who don't see anything good to say.  To anyone.  About anything. Life to you, is sad, miserable and not happy at all. 
JESUS UNDERSTANDS.
One of the things an overwhelmed, under-joyed women DOES NOT NEED is a complicated solution to a complicated life.  HOORAY.. because the solution is profoundly simple: 
Stop trying to find the truth and let The Truth find you.

LET JESUS FIND YOU.  HOW?  It's as simple as crying out in desperation.... "Jesus, please find me.  I'm lost!"
Dear Sweet Woe Filled Wife,  Your sadness is a spirit thing.. not a circumstance thing.  It is a HEART thing and not a HOME thing.   It IS POSSIBLE to be going through the most miserable moments.. and yet... be able to say.. "Somehow, inside, I still have overwhelming JOY."  Not only is it possible.. it is the PLAN of God for you.
Is Mrs. Older always singing for joy and never struggling through confusion? NO. But, I have to also be honest and say, that more and more I am surprised to discover that REST and PEACE have taken up residence in my fearful little heart. Yes. It's the TRUTH.  When I admit I cannot do it without Him... He comes and does it for me.

Do you trust that God is a good God? That He longs to show mercy? That He wants to protect you? That He wants you to have JOY in the midst of a JOYLESS planet?  Because that's the TRUTH. 
You cannot be thankful... unless He places that thankfulness in your heart.  Ask Him to give you a thankful heart.  Sincerely ask Him.  And. He will.


So.. today.. fix your focus on what you cannot see.  HUH?  Take your focus off your husband, off your children, off your LIFE HERE... and in desperate HONESTY.. ask The Truth (His Name is JESUS) to find you.  And ask Him to send His Spirit - the Spirit of Truth also known as THE COMFORTER.. to come and comfort your broken heart.

Just because the problem is complicated doesn't mean The answer has to be.  It doesn't require a 10 week Bible Study. It doesn't require anything on your part but a desperate, from your heart, cry for help.
Ask the Truth to come to you.
And He will.

"So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever."  2 Corinthians 4:18

Mrs. Older loves you, but not as much as Jesus does.

DAY # 3 - "SAY IT FOR SEVEN"

DAY #3 OF SAY IT FOR SEVEN - 

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1  This verse tells us that wrath gets "turned away" when someone speaks a gentle answer. Whose wrath? We don't really know, do we?  It could mean that the person HEARING the gentle answer is kept from getting angry.    It could also mean that the person GIVING  a gentle answer keeps HERSELF from stirring up anger in her own heart.  

The one thing we know for certain is that when a gentle answer is given - wrath is turned away.  This seven day experiment is to encourage all the wives to speak GOOD THINGS about life - for just seven days.  Last night, a young mom called me from another state to say, "I have been doing your Say It For Seven experiment. And I have been really surprised to discover how often I have had to keep myself from answering my family in a mean or cutting or sarcastic way.  I am so disrespectful to the feelings of my husband and children.  I just want you to know that tonight I feel so calm inside.  I don't know what my family thinks but I can tell you that in just two days of NOT being NEGATIVE, and NOT being angry....MY INSIDES FEEL very peaceful."

SURPRISE!  THE HEART YOU ARE HEALING is YOUR OWN!

Your kind words are keeping YOUR heart from being angry.  YES? Yes.

I love you all for doing this.Please post your comments below.. or.. send me an email at: 

awordtothewives@gmail.com

XOXO,

Mrs. Older

DAY TWO - SAY IT FOR SEVEN

Today is DAY #2 of "Say It For Seven"
 Here are some excerpts from two emails I received from wives:

1- "I can't say I was really great at saying good things on Day 1 but I did notice how often I had to keep myself from saying something cutting or mean. I guess that's a first step."
2- "Yesterday I said out loud that I was grateful to my husband for taking the family out to dinner; at dinner I said I was thankful to have such a great job; I told the kids I enjoyed being their mom.  I tried to say things that were true. So far, nothing earth shattering has happened. But last night while we watched a movie together as a family, there was less arguing between the kids. The house had a more peaceful atmosphere."

A WIFE - her words, actions, and attitude - have a PROFOUND impact on the tone in the home.  I would suggest that before today begins... you decide how the family is going to spend it.  
Ask GOD to send HIS SPIRIT to give you a heart of thankfulness. 


And sometimes - making a PROCLAMATION is a good way to make a good day.
When you tell your kids, "Today is going to be a HAPPY DAY.  Today we are going to LOVE ONE ANOTHER"  it can often be the seed that causes your family to have the kind of day you just announced.  Kids believe what Mommy's say. If Mommy says it's going to be THAT kind of day.. the kids look forward to what she just said.

If Mom says something like, "DEAR GOD.. I don't know HOW I'm going to get everything done today.. What an awful day it's going to be."  you've already announced to the family that they need to hang on for dear life... and stay outta momma's way.  Who wants to live through a day like that?  Not your family.  They are prisoners in a house of horror.


If a wife says to her husband,  "I'm in a bad mood today... " can she expect him to be in a good one? No.

PROCLAIM good things for a good day - and see what happens.
Choosing to be ENCOURAGING and create an atmosphere of peace in your home is not as difficult as some wives seem to think it is. It is a choice.  Just like what to make for dinner or what to wear to church.  Make the choice to lift your family UP today. Make the choice to say OUT LOUD the good things you notice about your life.  Just try it.  Trust me.  If you try it for seven days... it will change.... everything.

BTW - you can send me your own email updates at:
awordtothewives@gmail.com

Also....please sign up at the upper right to receive this blog via email.

Love you,
Mrs. Older

DAY ONE - SAY IT FOR SEVEN

So far there are a few dozen women who are going to join in the "SAY IT FOR SEVEN CAMPAIGN" (read yesterday's blog).  The idea is to open your mouth and say GOOD THINGS about your family, about your life, about your day... OUT LOUD and TO YOUR FAMILY. To say things TO YOUR FAMILY about each one of them that will ENCOURAGE, EDIFY and UPLIFT.  No complaining OUT LOUD to anyone (but the Lord). In addition, this is MORE THAN just a discipline of your mouth.  Jesus said that what you say is an overflow of what's in your heart.  This is asking the Holy Spirit to help change what's in your heart.  You cannot do it without the Holy Spirit's help.  Here are some early comments from readers.  You can leave your own if you'd like.   

• S. says - "I was so convicted because I never say anything good, out loud, about the life that God has given me.  That sentence really hit me."

• A. says - "I'm in.  My family will thank you for this."

• B.  says - "SEVEN days?  It seems like forever.  I'm going to give it a try."

• D. (a husband) says, "I asked my wife if she read your blog today because I don't have the courage to tell her that she is very negative about the things she says about her life.  I feel like such a jerk all the time because we can't fix up the house the way she'd like, we can't go on vacation this year due to job setbacks, we have an older car, and she doesn't like her job.  She said she would give this experiment a shot since I said I would also.  I am so curious to discover if there is anything she actually likes about me, her kids and her life.  Thank you for suggesting this.  She really looks up to you." 

• M. says - "When you wrote the quote that Jesus said, about that whats' in your heart is what you say, I understood I have a great deal of anger inside me.  I am asking God to help me for seven days."

• L. says - "I'm with you.  Thank you for the challenge. Yesterday, because I knew I was starting this today I noticed that most of the stuff I say to my family is negative.  I bark out orders, I complain about my mother, I talk about women in my small group.  Thank you.  I'm going to try to do this for seven days."

" I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." 

Yes. You can.

Love you, 
Mrs. Older 

SAY IT FOR SEVEN

Some people are hurt because someone said "I hate you!"

Some people are hurt because someone never said "I love you." 

Some people say things they should never say.

Some people never say things they should say. 

There is nothing we can do about hurtful words we have spoken.   We can apologize, ask for forgiveness... but the words still wounded the heart of the hearer.  That's why there is so much teaching about controlling the tongue.
BUT.....Controlling the tongue doesn't just mean NOT SAYING STUFF.

It means SAYING STUFF THAT WILL EDIFY, ENCOURAGE AND BLESS THE LISTENER.
If you are a wife who prides herself on the fact that you never say anything hurtful... good for you.  But.. you should also know that many hurting people point to words they NEVER HEARD from Mom.  They never heard what mom liked about anything - their dad, their house, their life, their church, their friends... and them.

If you are a silent admirer of your life - you need to change... and OPEN YOUR MOUTH to speak good things.  Give it a try. Just for seven days.

Consider this your OFFICIAL invitation to be part of 

Mrs. Older's 

"Say-It-For-Seven Home Improvement Campaign"

OK.. don't make light of this.   For the next SEVEN DAYS - June 1 - 7 -  start  a NEW habit of saying stuff you LIKE about your life, your family and others.  Say it OUT LOUD for seven days.

The only RULE is that you must speak TRUTH.  Because the TRUTH is that all around you are GOOD things.. which GOD has given you. 

I'm not just talking about telling your family what you like and appreciate about them and what they do and who they are... though.. that's part of the Say It For Seven program. But let your family hear you say good things about your life.. in general.  OUT LOUD.  About your friends, your family, your job, your church, your husband, your home. It's easy to complain  - but it's just as easy to PRAISE the LORD for what you HAVE.

SAY ONLY GOOD THINGS FOR SEVEN DAYS.  I'm serious.  Anyone can do anything for just seven days.  Find the good and "Say It For Seven" Days.
And see what happens to your home.
And your
heart.
It will change everything about your world.  And I think you'll have a difficult time going back to your complaining when Day Eight rolls around.  
"The mouth speaks what the heart is FULL of." - Jesus, Matthew 6:45 (NIV)

Love you,
Mrs. Older 

AUNT MARY'S HEART

Well.. it's been a busy couple of weeks for Mrs. Older.  I miss all of you Mrs. Youngers and fellow Mrs. Olders.

 
The picture to the left is of my Aunt Mary, 87.  I was in my hometown city - speaking at my hometown church for Mother's Day.. up in the Northeast...and  Aunt Mary came to the service to hear me. 
I didn't realize then that just one week later, although seemingly in great health for an 87 year old - she would have a stroke... and be in Intensive Care in her local hospital - where she remains as I type this.  The day of the stroke, she'd gone on a bus trip with her church group. She has such a fun day. I love Aunt Mary.  She is like a second mother to me.   
We are praying for God to have His Will in her life.   At the moment she clings to life... and we are believing that God can do what he wants.  We want her to keep living - but she just longs to see Jesus.  A week earlier, one of my cousins, a hairdresser, was giving her a perm.  My aunt always dressed impeccably and cared about her appearance.   She said to my cousin, knowing how much the family adores her, "When I go, I know you will all be sad, but I'll be happy.  I want to be with Jesus."  What an amazing way for us to be brought up... all of us surrounded by moms who loved Jesus more than anything on earth.  It is a great and awesome heritage.

I have been reminded.. or maybe I'm just being taught...that in the end, what we ARE matters more than what we DO.. or what we HAVE.  Aunt Mary's life is being summed up in simple sentences like, "She is so full of love.  She is  so giving."     It's such a basic reality of being human.. What you ARE is what will be remembered when you are no more.

And so here's a picture of Aunt Mary and a heart she wore to church that day. In the end.. it is Aunt Mary's heart that touches the world she lives in.  

The Bible says that only God can see someone's heart. And that's true. But every now and then someone loves other people so much... someone cares about other people so deeply.. someone gives compassion so fully... that we cannot help through that person to actually  see the heart of God.  I could never see Aunt Mary's heart, but through Aunt Mary's life I could see the heart of God.

Today I want to honor one of my "Mrs. Older's" - who loves Jesus with all her heart.

To all the Mrs. Youngers out there.. worried about finances, concerned about things you can hold and touch... I would like to remind you that anything you can see, touch, or hold is TEMPORARY. 
Focus... on... eternal things.

I love you Aunt Mary.

ONE MORE PRAYER.

This past Sunday, for Mother's Day, I was invited to speak at all three morning services for a church located in New York City.  I appreciate a pastor who trusts me enough with his sheep to allow me to bring the message for the day. It's a great responsibility and I take it seriously.  Thank God for men of God who are not afraid to let women of God speak... sometimes... Anyway. I spoke about...
...... a woman in the Bible whose story has taught me a great deal.  Her name is Hannah.  You can read her story in the book of 1 Samuel.  Hannah wanted to have a child but GOD HAD CLOSED HER WOMB.. and so.. she could not conceive. God wasn't being mean. God wasn't saying "NO" to Hannah, He was saying "NOT YET"... God was getting ready to give Hannah a "Samuel"  who was one of the most famous prophets in history.  His timing was perfect.  His plan was exact.   But Hannah didn't know any of this.   She prayed year after year, after year, after year. And nothing ever happened. NOTHING EVER HAPPENED.

But one day, Hannah prayed ONE MORE PRAYER.. and that was the prayer that God answered.  All she knew is that God as her only hope, her only answer.  She had no way of knowing that TODAY was THE DAY.. and this was THE PRAYER.. that God was going to answer.
And in spite of the fact that her rival tormented her to tears, and that her husband didn't get her grief over being childless (He said, "Aren't I better than ten sons?" Really?) and that the priest in the temple thought she was a drunk rather than a heartbroken, sobbing woman.. HANNAH PRAYED ONE MORE PRAYER. ONE MORE PRAYER. Even though hundreds of prayers had not been answered.. She prayed one more time.. one more day... and that was the day God heard and answered her. 

Her story has inspired me countless times over the years.  To believe that maybe God isn't saying "NO" but... "NOT YET."  Her story has given me the courage to believe that God has something special.  And so.. I have prayed ONE MORE PRAYER... hundreds of times. And then.... the answer comes. Always better than I could have hoped or expected.

Today..and maybe God seems mean and uncaring to you.... and maybe you have given up thinking God cares... or God understands.. or God is going to hear you...but... maybe He is preparing something so special.  Maybe He wants to answer in a way that is MORE amazing that what you are asking for.

Dear Wife, God isn't mean... even though sometimes people are.  Sometimes.. just like the priest in the temple... His people don't understand, don't have compassion, don't feel your grief.  Hannah knew God was her ONLY hope.. and so to HIM she poured out her heart.  God is your ONLY hope.Would you pray one more prayer today?  Would you believe ONE MORE TIME? One... more.. time?
Why don't you post your prayer request below (you can do so anonymously) so that the other readers and I can join with you and pray with you?  Who knows?  Your ONE MORE PRAYER might be the last prayer you pray before your answer comes.

Love you so much,
Mrs. Older
P.S. I am astounded and humbled by the number of you who have decided to follow by email.If you know a wife (or a single woman) who might be encouraged by this blog.... please ask her to sign up. Upper right part of this page where it says "Follow by Email"  Your email address will not be shared.
Thanks again.
Mrs. Older.