Friday, July 18, 2014


Mrs. Older is not in the habit of saying "God spoke to me" because I think so many people abuse and overuse that phrase.  I think sometimes we have thoughts that are creative and we attribute them to God speaking.  Or maybe God DID speak to you. I'm just saying that I am VERY CAREFUL to not use that phrase carelessly. Having said that, let me say this..

Three or four years ago God spoke to me in my heart. In my mind. In my spirit. He just kind of... for a second or two... showed me a big glitch in The System of Doing Church.  And it was that we older women are not seriously obeying the role that God has intended for us to have.  It's like God whispered to me that women are half of the Army of the Lord, and for all intents and purposes we are mostly A.W.O.L.

One of the things that society has stolen from the Body of Christ is the urgency about OLDER WOMEN teaching and MENTORING YOUNGER WOMEN.  One of the ways I have tried to facilitate God's Word and His instructions to older women is to begin this blog.  And I have been SHOCKED and SADDENED and SURPRISED to receive countless emails from younger women who tell me, "There is not one older women I know who is available to teach me, or that I can model my life after."

NOW.. before you send those emails.... or comment below... I know there are thousands and tens of thousands of Godly women mentoring younger women.  Unfortunately there are millions and tens of millions of younger women who are beginning to realize they NEED an older Godly woman's wisdom.

I think there are some key elements to the disappearance of the older woman/mentor in our churches.

1- We are annoyed to have to be identified as "mature" or "older" or "aging."  Just a hundred years ago, the life expectancy in this country was 52 years of age for women.  Being OLDER was a badge of honor back then. NOW, we cringe at anything that suggests we are not young.  We do whatever we can to remove wrinkles, sags, bags and white hair.  I'm not saying it's wrong to do those things.. I'm just saying we are not as happy to be aging as we might have been a hundred years ago.  We want to stay young because SOCIETY has convinced us that youth is more important than wisdom and experience. But that isn't what God's Word says.  No, it says just the opposite.

2- We are retired.  There is not one verse in God's Word which says that when we have reached a certain age, we can stop being vessels of honor for God or we can stop using THE GIFTS HE HAS GIVEN US TO BLESS HIS BODY. There is nothing in God's Word that instructs us that we should live a lifestyle of working for a few decades and then telling the world around us that we are unavailable for ministry.  True, society may have a "retirement age", but God doesn't.  

3- We are offended.  Let's face it, younger people don't really want or ask for advice, so why stick our necks out?  Well, it may APPEAR to be that way, but in reality, the generation that grew up with moms who wanted to be liberated are now becoming wives and mothers and are DESPERATE for women who have LIVED the life to guide them and MENTOR THEM.  Younger women are desperate for someone who has LIVED the life and been victorious.

4- We don't like change.  As someone who has been a Women's Ministry Leader I can tell you that some older women are so resistant to change that without realizing it, they are often tools in the enemy's hands.  Just because something is different doesn't mean it is SINFUL and UNGODLY. 

Anyway... my point is that God has given me a call in life. I don't know HOW HE IS GOING TO ACCOMPLISH IT... but I am calling you... OLDER WOMEN... to take seriously the instructions to BE LOVE and WISDOM and THERE for the younger women around you.

OK.. This is long enough.
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Love you,

Tuesday, July 8, 2014


One of the biggest problems a marriage can face is when one of the people involved is involved romantically and physically with another person.   I don't mean a one-night stand - which is destructive enough.  I mean "involved" with another person.  I mean a long time affair.

Of course one of the main reasons it is so destructive is because it is SIN.  The Thief comes to "steal, kill and destroy."  He's been watching the human race since we began. He destroys us with something that seems good and wonderful. He comes as an angel of light. He comes with a person who "gets you".. while your spouse does not.   He reminds you how great you feel when you are with that other woman or that other man.

LET ME SAY THIS... today's blog is not going to help the person who is STILL playing with fire and still trying to have a lover and a spouse.  No.  You are still deceived. You are still being played by satan.

No.. this is for that person who KNOWS that they are doing the wrong thing, but they have been doing it for so long they don't see a way out. 

So I am going to give you some common sense and spiritual suggestions:

1. When God delivered the Israelites.. He removed them from Egypt in order to do so. 
You are going to have to physically remove yourself from where ever you and your lover have been together.  If it's at work... then you need to find a new job. If it's at church.. then you need to find a new church.  If you live next door, then you need to move.   You cannot tell yourself you are strong enough to resist. If you were strong enough to resist, you would not have fallen in the first place. If you truly want to be delivered from the chains and bondage satan has you caught in then..... Get out of Egypt!  If you are serious about undoing the damage you have done, you need to do it in a place where your marriage can heal. 

2. STOP doing what you know is wrong BEFORE YOU CAN START doing what you know is right.
Adultery always starts innocently.  The other person is a friend first. Then you confide in them and they understand.  There are wonderful things.. so you think... about this relationship.  Your marriage is not as exciting.  This is the trap. So STOP TALKING to that person.  Period. How do you stop? YOU JUST STOP. Change your phone number. Get a new email account.  STOP.  STOP CONFIDIING in that person.  IF you truly want to do the right thing... GOD WILL GIVE YOU THE STRENGTH TO STOP DOING THE WRONG THING.

3.  That person may actually and truly be the "love of your life".  Sorry.
It IS possible that the other person... the other woman.. the other man... is someone you actually DO LOVE MORE THAN your spouse.   You may actually have  DEEPER CONNECTION to your lover.  This is an unfortunate consequence of sin.  You may love them more.  They may love you more.  Your marriage before God did not make provision for adultery.  So many times, people will confide that even after ten, or fifteen years, they STILL think about that lover EVERY DAY. EVERY SINGLE DAY.  This is a consequence of sin, not proof that you lost something precious.  No one vows to love and honor in sickness and in health and until somebody better comes along.  Finding your "soul mate" is not reason enough to justify adultery.  Adultery is sin.  I'm sorry. I don't write the commandments. 

4 Give God time. 
If you think back, it took a while for you to decide to do the wrong thing.  It will take a while for you to heal your marriage, even after you have many days of doing the right thing.  You need a GOOD CHURCH.  You need The Body of Christ. You need God.  He will heal you.  He will heal your spouse. But give Him time.  He gave you time.. didn't He? He didn't destroy your home. He is giving you another chance.  Live in His love and MERCY.  

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Love you,
Mrs. Older 

Wednesday, July 2, 2014



"There is one over arching theme throughout the Bible: A wedding, the bride and the bridegroom. The Bible ends with the marriage supper of the Lamb. When we get married here on earth, it is supposed to be a picture or reflection of this love relationship we have with the Creator of the universe. 

We get married because we have decided to love this person, to be who God made us to be for them, to fulfill a role as husband/wife for them, because it makes God smile when we live as we were created to live. We do not get married because we want to have sex, or because we are afraid of being alone/lonely. We do not get married to be saved from being single, or for what this other person can do for me or how they make me feel. Those are a small part of why we get married. If they are the main reasons....then your levels of disappointment are going to be high. Just like if we are following Jesus because we don't want 
To go to hell.

Our roles are very simple in a marriage:  Men, love as I have loved you, provide as I have provided for you, protect her/make her feel safe as I do for you, and be the leader in her life as I guide you. Make her feel like she is the most precious, valuable, delicate, beautiful person on this planet. 
Men, we simply reflect what God is doing for us.  

The problem is.....we cannot give what we are not receiving. So if a husband is not treating his wife as God has asked, then said husband may be going to church, reading his Bible, and talking a big talk, but he is obviously not seriously pursuing a love relationship with our creator. 

 If he were -  he would be seeking healing and wholeness from his past (family of origin issues), so that he could better love you and all those around him and those he comes into contact with. He would understand that his life is not his own. He has given it to Jesus and lives only to fulfill the roles God has for him and he does so by choice, not because he feels like he has to in order to stay in God's good graces. This is not rocket science. We will give only what is welling up on the inside of us. Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. 

Women, vice versa for you. The same principles apply, although your role is a little different. Respect, as I respect you. Affirm, nurture and receive. Look them up and study them if you are unsure what they mean, but the same holds true for you, if you are in a healthy, loving relationship with God, you will be pursuing this role.
Will we get it right everyday? No. It's journey. Will it be easy? No. It's a journey. Will we feel like doing it?  Bo. It's a journey. 

We keep the destination always in front of us and God's grace/mercy, which are new everyday, will keep us moving forward.
Let the comments commence."

Thursday, June 26, 2014


These words are NOT from my husband (who is very wise) 
 but from a husband (a friend of ours) who is in his 40's.   Closer to the age of many of you.   This husband loves God.  Loves his wife.  He is open, honest, and has strong opinions.

The reason I am going to include his comments in the coming blogs is that  I am often VERY surprised, whenever I discuss husbands, wives or this blog with him to discover HE SEES SITUATIONS IN A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WAY THAN I DO.. THAN WOMEN DO.  I am not going to edit anything he says.  Each blog will build on the one before it.  Here goes:

The reason we serve God is that we truly believe His way of living/doing life is the best way. Most don’t truly believe that though. 

Most are towing the line, checking boxes or staying within the lines, not because they truly believe it’s the best way to live, but because they believe if they live this way they will go to heaven, or God will hear their prayers better, or like them more, or that living God’s way makes us more spiritual, like we could get anymore spiritual than we already are. 

I always ask people, "If heaven and hell had nothing to do with it, would you still live God’s way? Would you still forgive those who hurt you because you truly believe that’s the best way to live? Would you still give your money away? Would you still put others first? Or are we doing those things with the thought of getting something in return? 'I’m doing all these things, living in your ways, so you owe me, God.'"

We may not come out and say that, but that’s how most of us think. That’s manipulation. And it does not work, as most of us know.  

A loving relationship is: I love you, just because I love, not because of anything you do and you love me just because you love me, not because of anything I do for you, what we do for each other we do out of love.

THAT'S HIS COMMENTS FOR THIS TIME. SO THEN... ask yourself the questions he asks others.  Do we truly understand LOVE the way God does?  Do we understand that what we do must have a foundation of LOVE and not spiritual brownie points?  Does that carry over in to WHY you love your husband?  Is it just because you do?  Do you have any comments?
Leave them?
Love you,
Mrs. Older

Wednesday, June 18, 2014


Most of us have heard the saying.... "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."  That might be a useful way to live life, but I think a more useful word policy might be,

 "If you can't say something nice, FIND SOMETHING NICE TO SAY!"

Really?  Really.   In all honesty here folks, there is NO ONE ON EARTH who does NOT DESERVE an encouraging word from time to time.

First of all, if you are married to someone that you can't say something nice to... that's a problem.  Wouldn't you say? (no pun intended)

And I offer this, my humble but utterly accurate opinion to you:


Word of thankfulness, giving someone credit for something good they do, giving a person a compliment for how they look... or a compliment about something they did.... HOW DIFFICULT CAN THAT BE?   It can be excruciating to a hard and angry heart.  It can be worse than death to a heart that is keeping score.

You won't die if you say things like:

"Thanks for always making sure our children look good."

"I admire that you were so committed to bringing the children to church as they grew up."

"Thanks for the way you take care of the way you look."

"I admire the way you have succeeded at your job."

"Thanks for not telling the world the way I have neglected you.  Thank you for making me look like a hero."

"I appreciate the way you do the chores around our house without complaining."

"You always smell so good."

"Your hair looks great."

"I love the way you laugh."



Try it.  

Sunday, June 15, 2014

"F.O.A." + "M.I.A." = "D.O.A." 4 MARRIAGE

"M.I.A." - is a military term which means "Missing In Action."  It's a broad term for a solider who is not where he (or she)  should be when he (or she)  should be there.  He (or she) could have been captured by the enemy, could have deserted, or could be hurt... no one really knows WHY that solider is not where they are supposed to be when they are supposed to be there.  It just means that when the war is being fought... the soldier who is supposed to be there holding down the fort.. is not there.

"F.O.A." is a term I am using for the words "Focus Of Attention."  I have found that in many marriages, it isn't a GREAT BIG DEAL that begins to erode the relationship. It's that one or both spouses are focusing on something (or someone) else.  When your "F.O.A." is "M.I.A." your marriage will be "D.O.A." in a very short time.

This happens a great deal to wives who have children.  The children become HER F.O.A. and she EXPECTS her husband to do the same.  Marriages which make the children the primary "F.O.A." are not healthy.   A husband can only endure SO MUCH of his wife's "F.O.A."  being on the "K.I.D."

It also happens to spouses who have demanding jobs.   Their policy seems to be "You just have to understand that you just have to understand" --- being ignored, being alone, being less important than the job, the clients, the boss, the company.

I just want to say today that you need to be careful to keep what's important in your focus at all times.

This is not rocket science marriage advice.
This is common sense.

Sometimes we all go through seasons when someone or something else NEEDS our attention more than our spouse does.  But the idea about a season is that IT ENDS.

Don't assume, Mrs. Younger, that your husband doesn't feel neglected about the fact that all you care about is the kids.

O.K.?  O.K.

NO ONE ON EARTH is SO BUSY.. that they cannot find ONE DAY out of seven to turn "The Machine" off and rest.... and reconnect with the only person God says you should becoming ONE with.

Mrs. Older

Friday, June 13, 2014


I gotta be honest with you.  Some wives are married to some horrible men.  Really.  They are.  I'm not talking about the guy who beats his wife, or spends their grocery money on some addiction he has.   When a woman is married to a man who is doing obviously WRONG stuff like having an affair, or being addicted to drugs, alcohol, pornography or gambling or isn't providing the basic necessities for the family.........well then that wife - and everyone around her - KNOWS that he is MR. HORRIBLE HUSBAND.    But what about the guy who ISN'T doing that stuff?  What about Mr. Horrible Husband who looks like a good guy to the outside world?  

  • What about the guy who goes to work, provides what the family needs... but...simply doesn't care about caring for his wife? Physically. Spiritually. Emotionally.
  • Or the husband who does not care if his wife feels loved? or understood or protected?
  • What about the husband, who, behind closed doors says the most destructive and belittling and HATEFUL comments to the woman God is expecting him to LOVE? 
  • What about the guy who never protects her from anyone who says degrading things about her?  
  • What about the lazy husband who expects his wife and family to live with less so that he doesn't have to do more?
  •  What about the husband who talks negatively about his wife to other people - his co-workers, church family, his family? 
  •  Or the man who wants his wife to "submit" but chooses to ignore God's commandments about loving his wife the way Christ loved The Church?

Are these guys Mr. Horrible Husband?  Well, I guess it depends on whether or not you are married to him.

Some of these guys are really nice guys.  Those of us who know them - those of us who aren't married to them - really like them.

They aren't EVIL.  They are SELFISH.   And I guess,

in the long run, selfishness is the greatest form of evil.

These nice guys... should have stayed single.  Because...WHEN A MAN DECIDES TO TAKE A WIFE.. GOD IS EXPECTING HIM TO LOVE THAT WOMAN.  The way God defines love.  A man cannot be married and expect to live like a single person.  This is more than ridiculous. It's INSANE.

There's a whole lot of husbands going around living life confused about why God is NEVER answering his prayers.. and they NEVER grasp -or they are hardly ever told -  the simple and holy TRUTH......

 (1 Peter 3:7)


Dear wife.. If anyone understands the pain of being insulted by someone you are willing to lay down your life for.......Jesus does.

1 Peter 2:23 tells us:

"He did not retaliate when he was insulted nor threaten revenge when he suffered.  He left his case in the hands of God who always judges fairly."

You know, it hit me when I read that verse one day, that it


I think sometimes, we forget that He was human.  I think we think He didn't feel the words cutting at his heart.  Here he was, willing to die for the people who were INSULTING HIM. And... the verse says, "he was insulted." 

It says He did not RETALIATE when He was insulted.  That's the key. 

When I am insulted... trust me... Mrs. Older can fling back a cutting insult faster than a speeding bullet.
I have learned to ask God to make me more like Jesus.. even in this area of my life.
Jesus didn't threaten revenge when these people caused Him to suffer.
Jesus knew His Father was watching the whole scene play out.  He knew God would judge fairly. 

That's the FAITH I need. That's the FAITH you need. To believe that God is going to set things right. God is going to protect you... even if your husband does not.  How is He going to do it?  I don't know.  When is He going to do it?  I don't know. But I know one thing - He loves every imperfect wife.. and He loves every Horrible Husband.  He sent His Son to make imperfect people....PERFECT in the sight of God.

Go to God about your husband.  Ask Him to speak to him. And.........
While you are asking God to speak to your husband let Him know that you are open to Him speaking to you as well.

God is fair.
God is love.
God is merciful.
Even to Mr. Horrible Husband.
Even to Mrs. Not-So-Perfect Wife.

Mrs. Older

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Monday, June 9, 2014


O.K. so he beats her and she never tells anyone because... why?  Because her husband is a deacon, that's why?  Or.. he is addicted to online pornography and she doesn't know who to turn to.  Why?  Because her husband is the pastor, that's why.  He doesn't provide for the family and he just expects her and their children to "stop complaining."  But she never tells anyone.  Why?  Because his father is the Mayor, that's why?  He has had a couple of affairs... and truth is.. so has she.  They just act like they have a happy marriage.  Why?  Because they have five children.. that's why. 

And so.. you become the friend this woman "confides" in.  And you are not a professional anything.  You're just a good friend.  And you want to comfort her.  But you don't know how.  Been there. Done that.  Here's what I've learned (through trial and much error)  about giving comfort to someone who is in deep, deep need of the comfort of the Lord.

First...our key passage of Scripture for "The Comfort Project" is:

"All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us."  2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NLT)

The best kind of comfort to give someone in pain is the comfort you yourself have received.  When you can say, "I know what you are talking about" and then let that friend know that GOD WAS THERE.. FOR YOU...WHEN IT FELT LIKE YOU HAD NO ONE WHO UNDERSTOOD.  But what if you husband never beat you? or is addicted to porn? or has had an affair? Can you still be a comforting friend? 
Well.. of course.  Ponder on this:

You are a friend.  A friend loves at all times. (Proverbs 17:17) and speaks the truth with a motive of love.  (Ephesians 4:15) Sometimes the truth may hurt, but The Bible also teaches that "Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy." (Proverbs 27:6)  It doesn't mean that we are to go around wounding a friend who is already wounded because we are calling it the truth.  It means that we say things like:

"This is a serious problem and needs to be dealt with.  You need to speak to someone in spiritual authority.  You cannot handle this by yourself."   And you stick to your guns.. so to speak.  You don't just sit there and let her complain about how horrible her husband is, or how desperately in love she is with the guy she is committing adultery with.  You keep reminding her that The Body of Christ is the place with the answer.  Maybe the answer will be to get professional help.  But just continue to speak the TRUTH:  "I am not someone who is equipped with the wisdom to know what to do in this situation..." and speaking of wisdom...
You pray with and for that friend.  The Bible reminds us that when we don't know what to do when we are in a trial.. we can ask God for wisdom and He will give it to us. (James 4:5)  You and I don't have the wisdom in ourselves to know what to tell a friend in a desperate situation, but God PROMISES to give her the wisdom she needs without finding any fault or reminding her how she got in to this situation.   When we don't know what TO DO.. God will send us the wisdom we need IF we ask Him for it.. and if we TRULY want to do what HIS WISDOM tells us to.... We may not know what to do but it doesn't take a genius to figure out what we should NOT DO.

You do not condone sin.  If a woman's husband beats her, and she decides to find comfort in another man... she is sinning.  There is NEVER a justification for sin. EVER.   If a woman's husband has made her feel like garbage because he looks at online pornography... and so she justifies her rage and anger toward him.. the anger and rage will destroy her as much as the pornography will eventually destroy her husband's ability to walk in the Light. If you LOVE YOUR FRIEND.. you will tell her this.

God is not heartless and without compassion.  God understands the reason WHY someone has been driven to the point of just wanting human comfort. He understands our weakness..  But He never condones sin.  

If you friend is having an affair... or her husband is... it needs to be brought in to the light. Especially if they are calling themselves followers of Jesus. 

Should YOU be the one who exposes it?  I doubt it. 

But you need to keep telling her the same thing:  Anything hidden in the darkness will continue to have power over her. Only walking "in the light as HE is in the light" brings us peace. 

Comfort your friend by telling her the ultimate truth:  God sees her situation. God alone has the POWER TO CHANGE IT.  It didn't take a day to get IN TO the situation and it won't change in one day.  But God will hear every desperate prayer.  And HE WILL SEND THE COMFORT FROM HEAVEN ITSELF. 

I love you all.  And thank you for signing up to receive this via email. (Upper right corner.) 

And please, if you have a story you'd like to share about how God gave you comfort send it to me at:

Mrs. Older

Friday, June 6, 2014


A pastor's wife... who liked being a pastor's wife. And who learned  that financial problems.. no matter how desperate.. are something God knows about and cares about. Be comforted today.

If someone had told me when I was a little girl that when I grew up I would marry a pastor, I would have thought "What in the world are you talking about?"  I can remember thinking "I wonder where the man that I am going to marry is living right now.  Where in this United States does he live?"  God knew at that time  there was a little brown-eyed boy living in Oklahoma
that would grow up and would one day hear the still small voice of God speak to his heart about the gospel ministry.  I grew up in Indiana.  We met in college, fell in love and were married after he graduated.  

      I have loved being the wife of a pastor.  I would not change that for the world.  I can say that it has been the most exciting and most challenging role I have ever had and I have loved every minute of it....(or at least most of them).  I think back and believe that my mother thought at the time we married that I would be like a lot ministers wives she had seen through the years.    No money for anything, just "pregnant and barefooted".  Well, I was pregnant 5 times but was never barefoot!  It seems we never had enough money but God always met our need in ways that were unbelievable as I am sure He has for many of you.  

Early in our first pastorate in Kansas our pantry was bare.  Literally down to hardly anything to eat  The comment was made one morning by my husband that wouldn't it be nice to have one hundred dollars to just go to the store and fill up our pantry.  This was in 1961.  Little did we know that very day a letter would come from a friend that I formerly worked with with a check in it for $100.00.  She said the Lord just laid it upon her heart to send it.  I  jumped into our little car and went to the church to show my hubby.  He was in his study when I walked in and said "Guess What?"....and laid the letter and check in front of him. There was an exciting trip to the grocery that day.   This was only one of the countless times God has met our need financially down through the years.   Whatever your need, God can and will meet that need.   Trust Him!  He uses people just like you and me to meet the needs of others.   May I ever be willing to be used of God.
     My husband has retired now after 40+ years as senior pastor.  We served in Michigan, Kansas, Texas and Colorado.  We are still ministering to people as God opens doors for us to do that.  Believe me, we stay busy in that respect.  Do I still "love it"?  You bet!  After almost 56 years of marriage I still love him!  :)   I wouldn't change a thing.