UNSMELLED ROSES

Yesterday's blog, "She's Fishing For Your Husband" got the MOST responses since I started this blog. So if you have the time to read them, and even add your own comments, please do.  I am not going to add to the list of the "Wise Woman's Guide To Baiting Your Own Hook" today.... because...
Today... for some HOLY SPIRIT reason... I just feel like reminding my wifey friends that all around you are sweet smelling gifts from God.  And today God would like you to stop and smell them. Today you may THINK that getting the yardwork done is so important that you can bark at the family all day.  But it isn't.  The only thing that matters is love.  The only thing that will remain in the hearts of your children is the LOVE you showed them... The most important thing you can do today is stop when they want to tell a story, look in their beautiful faces and LISTEN to them. Smile at them.  And today, just for one day, try to say ENCOURAGING things, thankful things, uplifting things.  Today.. ask the Lord to allow you to really SEE all the blessings you actually have.  The yard work will be done eventually... the laundry folded and put away.... Open your mouth.. actually open your mouth and actually SAY "Thank you God for _____" and choose at least five things.  Leave your comments.  Let me know what happens on this Saturday.  

The biggest tragedy of your life will not be what you accomplished but the unsmelled roses of joy, blessing and peace that  God place all around you.. and you were too busy to notice.

I love you,
Mrs. Older

SHE'S FISHING FOR YOUR HUSBAND!

It's tragic to have to state an obvious truth, but there are women out there fishing for your husband.  Yes. YOUR husband.   

The Bible describes the bait the seductress uses to hook another woman's husband. "She seduced him with her pretty speech and enticed him with her flattery.  He followed her at once, like an ox going to the slaughter. He was like a stag caught in a trap."
FLATTERY was the bait that got him interested. 
SIN is the reason he got hooked.    No woman whose husband claims to be a Christian should ever take responsibility for his sin.  HOWEVER... we as women would be foolish to NOT acknowledge that men like to think they are our heroes.  Is Mrs. Older advising you to  FLATTER your husband? Absolutely not. Flattery is insincere compliments with the motive of gaining something back. That's not love. That's deceptive. Mrs. Older is,  however, offering you  
                        "THE WISE WOMAN'S GUIDE TO BAITING YOU OWN HOOK"
 

1- Be a woman of prayer.   
I don't mean a woman who prays in fear that God will protect her husband from seducing women.  I mean a woman who prays just because she WANTS God - more of His Spirit, more of His love, more of HIM. Period.  A woman who allows the HOLY SPIRIT to guide YOU, convict YOU, keep YOU soft before God.  I confess, that it took me decades to understand that prayer is more important than anything else I can do or say to keep my marriage whole and holy. When I am soft before God - I am soft in every area of my life.
2. Be a woman of God.  I am amazed at how often I meet women who want their husbands to be men of God, but feel no need to be women of God.  What is the message you are sending YOUR husband about what really matters to you? Do you know?
3. Say Unto Your Husband...As You Would Have Your Husband Say Unto You.  Evidently, flattery can make a man take the steps toward the sin that is already in his heart.    Do you like to be complimented? Do you like to be thanked? Open your mouth, and speak honest and encouraging words. Ask the Holy Spirit to remind you to say words that will let your husband know he is still YOUR hero, and then he won't want to be someone else's hero.
4. Look good. This may seem like very "unspiritual" advice... but..  The Bible is telling us the truth when it says, "Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart." God is looking at your heart, but your husband is not. I am surprised... over the years.. as my husband and I have counseled couples.. that husbands don't expect their wives to look like they did when they first married.  They don't care about a wrinkle, a stretch mark, a few extra lbs.  They care that you care enough about him to try and LOOK pretty for him.  Don't send me letters talking about how a MAN should keep his appearance up also.  This is "A Word To the Wives".  OK? OK.

Well.. this is long enough.
Tomorrow....... maybe... we will have a few more "Bait Your Own Hook" suggestions.

BTW, take the time to comment. Also, take the time to review some of the older posts, and read what other readers have said.  ALSO... you may sign up to receive this blog via email.. at the upper right corner of the page.  I am amazed at HOW MANY email subscribers there are.

Please leave comments... if you agree.. and even if you disagree.
Love you,
Mrs. Older  

THE FAILING WIFE

Everyone makes mistakes... we all know that.  But, we still get surprised when we are the one who has made the mistakes.
Today, I am writing to The Failing Wife.  You know who you are -  You're the wife who compares herself to other wives and you always come up short.   You are so disappointed in the way having a husband and a family actually feels.  You cannot measure up and you have stopped trying to.   
And so to you I say this:  God is not disappointed in you.   NO WAY! Look at the picture.  You are like that precious piece of gold -  hidden in His hand.  Precious to Him.  You are....to God....a priceless treasure... He wants you.. with every disappointment.. every mistake you've made... every part of you  that you feel does not measure up.... You matter to Him.  He doesn't care about your failures... YOU DO. He isn't comparing you to other wives... you are.
Stop looking within so much. 
Stop beating yourself up.

Look up to the One who made you.

Pour your heart out to Him.  
And let Him begin to heal you by understanding and embracing how much HE LOVES YOU.
What God thinks about you is more important than what you think about yourself.

 You cannot do anything without Him.. but with Him... you can have a happy heart... And if you will allow Him to help you.. one day at a time.. you will find that one morning you will wake up... with a happy heart...that will help you to be the kind of wife your family needs.
Jesus loves you.
Forever.
Choosing HIM is the first step toward healing. It may not happen overnight... but it WILL happen.
 
He sees you. Right there. Right now.

Mrs. Older

HOW TO SPEAK TO A WIFE

(Dear Mr. Husband, If your wife is asking you to read this blog..I think she is trying to tell you something.)

The other day my husband went on a fishing trip with one of our dear friends.. who has a vacation home in South Carolina.  And in his absence, I was surprised to find... that my husband had put little sticky notes with loving messages all over the place. (see photos) Some of them were in places that were obvious places I would see them - like the coffee pot and the washing machine - but some of them were in places that required some thought on his part.  And that's what touched me the most -  that he knew WHERE to put the notes.

 It isn't as difficult to speak to a wife as so many husbands act like it is. The only thing required to know how to speak to your wife is to know her heart.  And what your wife REALLY wants from you.. REALLY wants from you in all you do and say -  and what she would say is:

"SHOW ME YOU KNOW ME"

 

And the Bible says that "out of the abundance, overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks."   If you want to KNOW HER HEART.. you will have to HEAR HER WORDS.   YES...  you will have to listen to her when she speaks.... and speaks... and speaks...and speaks...Yes... it's true. You will have to NOTICE what delights her, what makes her afraid, help her remember the dreams she had and help her pursue them.  It takes time and effort.... and sacrifice.   It takes a heart of love. It takes a heart like Jesus has.  It takes a love like Jesus has - and only Jesus can give a man that kind of love for his wife. 

It takes a miracle for a man to be the kind of man who knows how to speak to his wife in a way that makes her feel securely loved.  It takes the power of The Holy Spirit to even give a man the desire to want to. 

My husband isn't perfect - he just loves God more than he loves me.

I am not perfect - but I love God more than I love my husband.  He didn't always leave me romantic notes.  I didn't always appreciate them if he did.

Our mutual deep abiding love for God has been the merciful key to a wonderful marriage.  

Dear Unknown Wife Who Is Not Known By her Husband.. Jesus knows you.  Jesus loves you.  Put your hope in the Lord.  Pour your broken heart out to the Lord.

And ask the Lord to tell your husband that it matters to Him  - that you matter to him. It matters to God whether you matter to your husband.

"No one whose hope is in the Lord is ever disappointed." - this is TRUTH from God's Word. You can stand on it.

(Note to Mr. Husband whose wife just asked you to read this.  NOW would be the perfect time to say, "What's on your heart, honey?" ... and then... sit there and listen.)

I love you,

Mrs. Older.

"DADDY IS SUCH A KLUTZ"

The six year old was watching his dad play football with a bunch of neighborhood families.  It was no big deal to anyone except this six year old.  He was engrossed in watching his father play.  At one point, his dad dropped the ball... and his mother said, "Your daddy is such a klutz".  I KNOW she was joking, and so did everyone else.. everyone laughed and everyone forgot about it.  Everyone... but the six year old boy.  I happened to be sitting next to him a little while later. He and his dad were chomping down hot dogs and root beer and and I overheard him as he looked up to his father and said, "Dad, are you really a klutz?" His dad said, "What?" The kid said, "Mom told everyone you were a klutz.  What is that? Is it good?  I don't want you to be a klutz if it isn't cool.  I want you to be cool."

Honestly?  This wife loves her husband and her husband loves her.  The last thing she actually believes is that her husband is a klutz.. or a nerd.. or whatever.  She admires him.  But does her six year old?  Admire his dad?

Dear Wife,
Take the time to say words of admiration about your husband in front of your children. Say good words.  Say words of admiration.. Say them OUT LOUD.
If you don't have something good to say.........say something good anyway.  If your husband isn't worthy of words of admiration.. then at the very least don't say negative words.
Take some time to listen to what you say about your children's daddy. 
You are the ONE who is forming their heart's attitude toward their Daddy. 

I welcome your comments.  Leave it below.. (you can leave an anonymous comment) or...Send me an email at:awordtothewives@gmail.com

Love you,
Mrs. Older

WHY DOES HE DO THAT???????

Almost every morning my husband fills his coffee cup UP TO THE VERY TOP of the cup.  I'm not saying "full" -   I'm saying SO FULL that he has to bend over and "sluuuuuuurp! slurrrrrrrp slurrrrppppppp"the coffee from the cup because it's too full to lift.
Furthermore, the reason his cup is so full is that he puts too much half and half in the cup.  Further furthermore, because he puts so much half and half in the cup, the coffee becomes cold and tepid.  And so after he slurps some coffee off the top, he then takes the coffee cup and puts it in the microwave for thirty seconds to heat it up.  
One morning, I decided that he, obviously, didn't REALIZE he was putting too much half and half in the cup.  I took the very LOVING TIME to explain to him that if he would put less half and half in the cup, he could eliminate at least a minute a day from his coffee experience AND... I said, "if you add up the 30 seconds to slurp, slurp, slurp and the 30 seconds in the microwave that you use each day, that adds up to 365 minutes a year - and in 60 years that adds up to a full 15.20 days of your life wasted on slurping and mircrowaving."   He looked at me and said, "Oh."  
I assumed he had been reformed, but the next day, he filled his cup up to the rim and the process began again. It was a tiny little thing that began to ANNOY ME BIG TIME!

One day I prayed "Lord, WHY DOES HE DO THAT?"
I was surprised to get one of those instant-in-my-heart answers.  "Why do you care?"  
"Uhh.. Lord.. because he is.. uh.... slurping...uh... because... he is .....too much half and.. well.. because... the coffee and the microwave....and... uhh...."  And then "coincidentally" I was "reminded" that my husband lovingly MAKES the coffee every night before bed so that I don't have to be bothered by it in the morning.  
When thankfulness leaves a heart......annoyance has room to move in.  That was the day God changed Mrs. Older's perspective.  He's a good man.  A great man.  Why do I care that he fills the coffee to the top of the cup?  Every time I hear that "slurrrrrrrp" I remember to say, "Thanks, hon, for always making the coffee."  The slurp that used to annoy me has become music to my ears because it reminds me that I have a good and Godly husband.
Almost every morning my husband fills his coffee cup UP TO THE VERY TOP of the cup...and I'm so happy to have a husband who does.

Love you,
Mrs. Older




 

WEIGHT TRAINING

Two years ago I bought those 3 lb. weights you see in the picture. As I moved them from my bedroom closet to the back deck so I could take the picture to put on this blog today, it dawned on me that it was the first time I had carried them ANYWHERE since the day I purchased them.  This was not the plan on the day I bought them.  On the day I bought them I imagined myself walking miles with them every morning and using them to firm up my arms.  They are only 3 lb weights but even at that light weight, if I had used them... they would have had an effect.  They would have strengthened the muscles. But.. since they've been sitting in the closet.. and since I've been sitting on my sofa instead of walking those miles I envisioned walking....my arms... are... well...my arms are not the way they should be. Unless of course you need a sail for your sailboat. Then they're perfect.  Gimme a call.  We'll work something out.

In the same way - when we get married, we start off with good intentions and all the tools we think we'll need to have a healthy, well-toned marriage.   We envision ourselves "exercising"  with tools like love, kindness and unselfish giving. After a while, we notice them sitting on the shelf, gathering dust, because, well, because we have gotten in to a routine of not using them.  We forget that although they seem like lightweight things......if we use them they will be effective in keeping our marriages "toned".

Bottom line is......even though I have not used those weights in over two years,  I just got finished taking a walk with them in my hands.  Lifting. Walking. Lifting. walking.  My arms look like they are just a little less flopping in the wind.  And after I did, I told my husband that I think he's really handsome.  Because he is and because I can't remember the last time I told him.

Just because you didn't do something yesterday is no reason to not do it today.

Get your Bible. Do what it says. Ask the Lord to remind you to use the tools HE GIVES to keep marriages strong.  And He will. 

Please feel free to leave your comments.  You can sign up to receive this blog by email.  AND.. you may email me at "awordtothewives@gmail.com"

Love you,

Mrs. Older

IT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAY

I was a teenager when I got married.  It wasn't because I "had" to get married, but we had dated through high school, loved each other, loved the Lord. It was during the Vietnam War - he was leaving for active duty - and we wanted to be married before he left.  So, needless to say, I was an extremely immature wife... and still connected to my amazing mother.  My mother is the original Mrs. Older - a woman of wisdom, faith and power.  
Anyway, one day my husband and I had a terrible argument, and being the brat that I was, I called my mother.  MY HUSBAND WAS WRONG AND I KNEW IT.  I NEEDED REINFORCEMENT to force him to admit it.  So my mother listened to both of us on the phone.  She NEVER took sides.. and she wasn't about to start.  She treated my husband like a son right from the beginning.  She identified the problem immediately!  She said to my young teenager of a husband, "If ____ was a woman of prayer, she would have prayed for God to speak to you about this situation rather than calling her mother." WHAT???????

She taught me a great lesson that day - she KNEW from my attitude and anger that I had NOT brought the situation to God.  She wasn't saying my husband was right, she wasn't saying that I was wrong.  She was simply saying that in a marriage it's not what you say but Who you say it to. 
God wants your marriage to be fair and loving and kind and happy.   But God isn't married to your husband, is He? No.  But He created him.  And He knows him better than you do.  And.......He loves him more than you do. 

You might be floating on butterflies today because you and your husband are so united.  Thank God for that.  But if you are struggling...remember that..  it isn't wrong to talk to others, to ask for advice, to read Mrs. Older's blog.. but ultimately... you need to pour your heart out to your heavenly Father. He will send the Holy Spirit... to comfort you, to give you wisdom, to show you truth, to give you power. Ask yourself a simple question:  Have I talked to God about this? Do I trust Him to handle it? Am I at peace because I have faith that God has heard me, and will heal my heart and my marriage?   God has promised to answer when we call on Him. He is KIND.  
It's not what you say - it's Who you say it to that makes all the difference in a marriage. 
"Call to me and I will answer you." - God 

FEEDING YOUR FAMILY

Food. It's a big part of a wife's life. Buying it, cooking it, serving it, eating it.  It fuels the body - and gives it life. No matter how busy a wife's life may be - working wife or stay-at-home wife - a family has to eat. The grocery store is the place every person visits on a regular basis. The kitchen is the center of the home. Realtors will tell you that the sale price of a home will go up significantly if the kitchen is an updated one.  Media experts know that a cooking show on TV or a recipe book from a celebrity are always sure-fire best sellers.   
Not only does a wife feed her family, but a good wife is concerned about WHAT her family is eating. Why?  Good food is the best medicine for our bodies. We want our families to have bodies that run on the fuel that will give it life.  
Today.. though... I'd like you to consider that your family is more than just a bunch of bodies eating food.  That part of you.. and your family... your bodies... have a shelf life...an expiration date known only to God.  Our bodies will expire someday.

BUT INSIDE THOSE ADORABLE people you love.. is a spiritual being that will live forever.  And that spirit will thrive on what it is given to eat - or starve because of what it is not given. We can easily lose focus.  And focus on the part of our families that have an expiration date, while ignoring the part that will last forever. 
Spiritual food is unseen.  It reaches the spirit inside. You cannot buy it.  It is given freely by God above.. when we ask for it. 
Take a few minutes to consider WHAT you are feeding your family spiritually.  What is getting in to their INNER being.  Are you feeding them what brings LIFE?  Are you feeding their souls?  God describes a lifestyle to parents of talking about HIM and HIS WAYS as you go through life. As you walk. As you sit. As your drive. As you eat dinner. Talk about God. Talk about His love.  Talk about forever.  Whet your families appetite for food that will satisfy their souls.
To my  fellow "Mrs. Olders" - so many of you are reading this -  please give us some ideas of how you fed your family eternal food.

"Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty."
John 6:34

THE LOST ART OF OVERLOOKING

Do you let your family get away with stuff? Or not? Do you feel the need to be sure that everyone abides by the rules so completely that you have a family of scared little rabbits? Including your husband?   I'm not suggesting that you tolerate blatant disobedience, willful rebelliousness or a husband who is doing stuff that is truly harmful to your family and your marriage.  I'm not talking door mat. I'm suggesting lightening up.. just a little..

I'm talking about a woman who got so incensed that her husband was glancing at the football game for twenty seconds longer than SHE THOUGHT he should after she asked him a question that she started an argument that created a rift that still has not healed.   True there were deeper issues, but they didn't have to come to light in an angry way. I suggested to her that she could have overlooked it. She didn't like that suggestion.  

 I'm talking about a mother who wouldn't let her eleven year old daughter go to the zoo with the rest of the family on a sunny Saturday because she stayed outside riding her bike for ten minutes too long after her mom called her in.  The little girl, who is now twenty four, remembers that as being the day she knew "the first moment I could get free of this woman's control over me I would. And I did.  I rarely see her."  In her mind, she learned nothing by having to stay home that day but that she resented her mean-spirited mom. Did her mom have a right to punish the girl? Yup. But she lost her daughter's heart that day, over a ten minute ride on a bike. Her mom could have overlooked it. 

 I'm talking about a wife who after two full weeks will not speak to her husband - or let him come near her - because she caught him looking at another woman walking in the mall.  Is her husband wrong for looking at another woman? Absolutely. Could she have told him that it hurt her? Yup. Or...She could have overlooked it.  

I am using the word "could" rather than "should"

You have the choice when it comes to the Lost Art of Overlooking.  You have rights.  But sometimes, laying down our rights gains us so much more than demanding them. You don't have to let things go.  Not at all. 

But as an OLDER woman.. let me suggest.. that a woman who won't let anything go is a woman whose family is gone even while they live under her roof.

How can you know what to overlook?  You have a Heavenly Father who wants you to have the wisdom you need. Ask the Lord for wisdom. Sometimes you just have to enforce the rules - and sometimes - you need to let the peace of God rule and reign in your home.  He will help you to know when and how.

The Bible teaches something that is obvious to our family, but not-so-obvious to we wives at times:

Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.
Proverbs 21:19

As always, I welcome your comments and emails - awordtothewives@gmail.com

Mrs. Older

 

HOW TO SPEAK TO A MAN

You cannot speak to a man in the same way you can speak to a woman. Not if you want him to hear you.  I mean no disrespect to husbands and men.  It's just that, in defense of women everywhere, sometimes our husbands look at us with "that look" on their faces which is sure evidence that someone has stolen our "real" husbands and replaced them with droids from Mars.  I finally came to understand that when wives speak many husbands are asking themselves these Three Basic Man Questions as we are speaking.   

1- WHY IS SHE TALKING ABOUT THIS?

Men have a small reserve of listening minutes per day.  So, don't waste them on stuff he doesn't need to hear. And remember that just because you want to talk about it, doesn't mean he has to want to hear about it.   So then, ask yourself -- Why are you telling him what you're telling him?  Is it URGENT for him to know that your friend Shelly is acting weird, or that you feel fat today, or that your complexion is not looking great?  However.... if he does NEED to hear it then tell him why. Which brings us to Man Question #2:

2- WHY IS SHE TALKING TO ME ABOUT THIS?

A woman can say,  "At work, Shelly is acting weird and all, like, uppity and rude to me" and a husband is nodding but not listening. You can simply say, "I have no one else to talk to about this and I need to talk about it." and that could be reason enough. Or you can say something like, "I need your help in figuring out how to deal with Shelly because she is acting weird and uppity and rude to me all day.  And because she is acting that way, by the time I get home, I'm all wound up, and grouchy, and taking out my frustration on YOU all night long."   NOW he understands WHY he should care about what you're talking about.  Shelly's actions are having an effect on HIM.  And most importantly you have answered the third and MOST IMPORTANT MAN QUESTION WHICH IS.....

3- WHAT SHOULD I DO? WHAT SHOULD I DO? WHAT SHOULD I DO? 

See.. now he knows that he can DO something about Shelly.  He can help you figure out a strategy for dealing with her.  Your husband, if he is at all trying to be the kind of husband God expects, is your defender and helper.  He wants to take care of you.  But in defense of men everywhere... he wants you to GET TO THE POINT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!   Get to the point.  Have mercy on the poor guy and tell him what HE can do about it.  This means that if you want to tell him you feel he is too busy and ignoring you.. don't just say, "You don't looooove me......" Sniff, sob, sniff, sniff and then pout and give him the silent treatment for the next three days. 

Say it like a man, woman!  Say, "Your busy schedule is making me feel like I'm not important to you. I would really like it if you could stop scheduling work things at night. That would really heal my hurting heart.I love you and I miss having time with you."  See, you've told him the problem, and you've told him what he can do about it.  Whether or not he does what you need is another issue for another day.

In closing, let me remind you that the only person in your marriage that you can control is YOU.  There is NO COMMANDMENT requiring your husband to have to care about, listen to and comment on every word you speak as if it is coming from the Throne of God.  Some wives act as if it is their RIGHT to be heard.  It is not your right.  But... a smart husband understands that "walking in understanding" with his wife is something God advises him to do.  Whether he chooses to obey God or not... is up to God and your husband.  Have a great day.. And sign up for email alerts... and please leave some comments.

Love you,

Mrs. Older