SINGLE on SUNDAY

When a wife becomes suddenly single - widow, divorced - the most difficult and heart-wrenching place to be is CHURCH. Yes. CHURCH.  "Going to church alone" is often the number one answer when suddenly single people are asked about the most difficult thing to do after their marriage is over.  (This applies to people who have never been married, also)  Since God created marriage... church would be the logical place to assume that marriage and family would be lauded and applauded.  As it should be. It's the place where families gather. It's a day that families stay together more than on other days.

But, I just want to ask you to notice that some women (and men) are sitting there alone.  And whether they admit it or not, it's very difficult to do.  And some of your friends may not even go to church at all.... they are sitting home alone on Sundays because they feel their loneliness the most on that day.   It's not anyone's fault that someone else is alone.. but it couldn't hurt to reach out.. could it?  Sunday is a day we set aside to honor God.  Honor Him by loving and reaching out to someone who is alone today.  An invitation to lunch?  An invitation to spend the afternoon with your family?  Don't be offended if they decline.  Feeling like a fifth wheel isn't easy either. But... try.  And see what happens. 

Love you very much,
XOXO

Mrs. Older

WHILE THE SUN IS SETTING

(Update: Since I posted this earlier today, some women have left some thought provoking comments. Read them, and leave you own.)
 
I had a birthday recently, and my husband blessed me with a birthday trip to the ocean.  It's a favorite place of ours..and it is mere feet away from.. the Gulf Of Mexico.   Anyway.. as the sun was setting that night... and we were eating birthday cake on the balcony...my husband snapped this picture with his iPhone camera. It was a perfect day...in every way.  I KNOW that God ordained for us to have a nice time away... a vacation... a rest. It refreshed us inside and out.
After a few nights of these perfect sunsets.. however... I found myself missing my "real" life.  True, I was not required to do one thing but watch the sun set.. but...I don't think I could live just sitting around waiting for the sun to set every day... and I know that God does not desire that I do.  Just the opposite. 
And for those of us who can see the "sun setting" in our lives.. who have less years ahead of us than behind us... I would like to remind you that It is Society that has decided that at a certain age you just sit and wait for the sun to set - not God. So many older soldiers in the Army of Lord are A.W.O.L. - having been convinced by the world around them that they have no purpose.  So they are sitting on the sidelines of life and of churches.. not involved.. just waiting for that sun to set on the horizon of their lives. This is something we've allowed the world to tell us.. not God's Word.  

When God says, "I know the plans I have for you"... He didn't say.. "I know the plans I have for you thirty-year-olds."  God has a plan for us in every season.  EVERY SEASON.  Are you trying to find HIS PLAN for the sunset of your life?

I love being "Mrs. Older" (even while I feel the urge to let you know I'm not like, ANCIENT or anything... ) 
God has an important assignment for me to encourage younger wives and mothers to follow God's plan for families. Every lesson I've learned, every tear I've cried, every storm I've weathered... have a PURPOSE... have a reason.  I can only imagine how many families would be happier, how many marriages would be healthier...  if every Mrs. Older in every church in the world took it upon herself to love the younger wives....  If you knew how many younger women are LONGING to have someone to talk to, someone to listen to, someone to learn from.. you would see that you cannot ignore God's assignment for you.
So.. today.... I'd like to remind my fellow Mrs. Older's.. and their husbands...that...while the "sun" of your life is setting... give the sunset a glance every now and then if you must... but get off that beach and keep loving and serving God and His people.

Love you,
Mrs. Older

WANTED: EXHAUSTED WOMEN

Dear wonderful wives, 

First of all thank you to all the NEW email subscribers.  Evidently, you are telling your friends about Mrs. Older and I am happy about that.  You can sign up at the top of the page where it says "Follow By Email." You won't be bombarded by emails.. you'll just get this blog when it's written.

 

Speaking of writing... I write lots of magazine articles.. and when they appear in print.... they have an audience of a couple of hundred thousand readers and my primary audience is married women between the ages of 25 -55.......So... every time an article hits the streets... I hear from women.  Cards, emails, letters, voice mails.  I would say I can get a clear picture of what women are dealing with.. and I'd say that many WOMEN ARE UTTERLY EXHAUSTED.....EXTREMELY EXHAUSTED.  We get up early, we stay up late.. and we have trouble sleeping because we have too many lists of things to do going through our brains...You can go anywhere and buy a book about how to streamline your life... and how to say "NO".  You can do less. You can read articles that I personally have written  giving that advice... but.. for today... let me give you the ONE STEP Cure For Extreme Exhaustion And Burn Out. Jesus said: "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you.  Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light."  Matthew 11:28-30.

I have written articles, and taught Bible studies on these three verse.  I won't do that today.  I will simply tell you that Jesus is promising that if you will go to Him, if you will partner your life with His......He will GIVE you REST.  Not a ten week program on how to learn to organize your life and time.  NOPE.. He will, through the Holy Spirit.....and just being in HIS PRESENCE.. will you give a coffee break of rest for your inner spirit. All the problems don't go away.. but somehow He speaks to you in that deepest place and assures you that HE understands.. and that things will work out according to HIS LOVING WILL....

I have learned from experience.. that if I will continually take myself to Jesus, if I will honestly speak to Him from the core of my being, if I will cry out to Him FIRST when life seems impossible, overwhelming, exhausting, depressing, discouraging, and dismal..... HE WILL RESPOND. Jesus loves exhausted women.  I can't MAKE YOU BELIEVE ME.. but I pray that you will.

Are you exhausted today?  There's a huge sign blinking in heaven and it says, "WANTED: EXHAUSTED WOMEN!"   Well.. ok.. alright.. I made that up.. BUT...

Jesus LOVES exhausted women...and He asks you to Come to HIM.... so He can GIVE YOU rest.  You don't have to earn it.  He will GIVE IT TO YOU.  IT'S A GIFT.

Will you take it today?

Mrs. Older

A WIFE AND THE TRAFFIC LIGHT

Dear Wife, 

When you are driving today, and the traffic light turns red, you will stop. Won't you?  Of course you will. Why? Mainly because you are aware that in order for traffic to flow smoothly, sometimes some cars get to "go" while other cars have to "stop".  It's called ORDER.  

You understand that if you "GO" when you are supposed to "STOP" one of the "allowed-to-go" cars will slam in to your "supposed-to-be-stopped" car - thereby ruining your manicure, your hairdo... and possibly your spinal column.

Sooooo......You stop at the light. You aren't doing it out of terrified fear. There isn't a police officer at each traffic light with a machine gun waiting to gun you down if you don't stop. You recognize that an authority somewhere installed a traffic light here.. and the red light is put there for your safety.. and NOT to keep you from getting to your job, or the grocery store, or the bank. You don't pout. You don't whine. You stop at the red light.

You are SUBMITTING TO AUTHORITY.  

In it's purest, Godliest, holy form.. submission is a VOLUNTARY action which recognizes a GOOD authority who has established guidelines for our well being and protection. 

 If it isn't voluntary it isn't submission

FOR TODAY.. let me just say that submitting to a husband shouldn't be any scarier than stopping at a red traffic light. You stop, wait, and then go when the light turns green.  

A loving husband gives mostly green lights.  A loving husband wants his wife to go, go, go and live, live, live the life that GOD - HER HEAVENLY FATHER -planned for her.  A loving husband wants his wife to be what GOD CREATED her to be. A loving husband always remembers that his wife is God's daughter.  God cares about the way His daughter is treated - and so should her husband.

So let me find a nice way to say this: 

If you are afraid of your husband....your husband is wrong. (There. I said it.) 

If you are afraid of your husband and your pastor says it's right for you to be afraid of your husband.. your pastor is wrong. (There. I said it again.) 

LOVE is the motivation and the reason Jesus submitted to His Father - not fear.  LOVE should be the only reason a husband asks his wife to submit to his leading... not fear.

1 Peter 3:6 says: 

"Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do." 

Now.. on another day.. we WILL discuss wives who REFUSE to submit in any way, shape or form to a LOVING and GODLY husband who is desperately trying to LEAD.  But not today. OK? Today I want to comfort the wife who is terrified.. and let her know that GOD SEES.. and GOD CARES.. and if you will pour your grief out to HIM.. He will intervene.  I promise. And so does God.

XOXO,

Mrs. Older

 

I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH EVERYTHING

I used to have a problem with the word "everything" as it appears in this Scripture verse  -   "Do everything without grumbling or arguing...." 
A word study of the word "everything"  revealed something I didn't like.   It means..."all things, each, every, any, the whole, everything."  IT MEANS.... EVERYTHING!!!  It means.... doing the laundry, cleaning the floor, loving his mother, raising the kids, going to work, making dinner, paying the bills.....it means EVERY SINGLE THING you do you (and I) must do it WITHOUT grumbling about it or complaining about it TO.. . your mother, your girlfriends, the people at work, your kids, your husband or even to yourself.  That's what it means.  

WHY? WHY? WHY? If you read the verses before and after this particular one in the second chapter of the book of Philiippians you will read, "In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus"  God requires it, that's why.  We are called to the highest level of relationship - in every relationship we have.   God requires them to be strong where it matters.. which is in the very core of our beings.. in our ATTITUDES toward one another.  
So while you or I might think, "Just be happy that I'm doing it.. ok? And don't get yourself all in a huff about my attitude while I'm doing it." 
God says.. "What matters is the attitude you have AS YOU DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO -  It needs to be the attitude that Jesus had and has."

Jesus didn't say,  "You know...I don't know why I am expected to be the One to clean up after you humans. Will you LOOK AT HOW I'M SUFFERING FOR YOU??? Do you see how much I do for you.... you ungrateful people?"

And when we fall short and fail, Jesus attitude toward you and me is NEVER -  "How many TIMES do I have to tell you to NOT TO DO THAT????  My patience with you is just about to run out! Do you hear me?  I will not TOLERATE ONE MORE sin! OK? Do you hear me sister?"

So today, dear wife, I have a spiritual experiment for you to consider.  Find a way to thank God for everything you have to do today.  Just for today.  Thank Him for the strength to do it. Thank Him for having laundry to wash, food to cook, children to lead, a husband to love.  Ask Him to send the Holy Spirit to change your attitude.  And then give the Holy Spirit permission to change it.
Try it. One day.  Tell me what happens to your heart.

 "In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." 


Love and hugs,
Mrs. Older
P.S. Please leave comments and take the time to read the comments of others. Also, at the top right of this page you can join up and receive this blog via your email address.

 

RICHTER SCALE EYELINER

When I was younger...... four hundred years ago....my dear older friend said, "You'll know your face is aging when you apply eyeliner and you'll need one hand to hold your eyelid straight, and the other one to put it on."  "OHHhhhhhhhh"  I said, "Like stretch my eyelid out so that the eyeliner looks straight?"  Yup. That's what she meant. I KNEW it would NEVER happen to ME.

For decades I steadfastly refused to consider that I needed to accommodate crinkly eyelids....until the day I got a lighted magnified mirror.  Then.... the awful truth revealed itself:   My eyeliner looked like I had applied it during a 10.9 magnitude earthquake.  The truth revealed itself through a mirror.. and the mirror was the means to correct it.  I could have refused to look in the magnified mirror again, but that wouldn't have changed the reality.  It would simply mean that everyone else could see my Richter Scale Eyeliner......everyone but me. 

God gives every one of us a mirror so that we can determine the makeup of our hearts. The Bible is the lighted magnified mirror for my inner woman.  It tells me that in Christ I am a new creature. It tells me that there is no condemnation for me because I am in Christ Jesus.  I can never be good enough... so that's why Jesus came.

BUT - He Himself tells me that I must put His words IN TO PRACTICE.  Why? So that when the Earthquakes of Life hits - as it will -  my house will stand and not crumble.  God is building the character of His Very And ONLY Son, Jesus in to us.  That's why His work is to create situations which cause us to trust, love, forgive, overlook, extend mercy, give hope, etc.

When I compare myself to other people, even other Christians... sometimes.. I think I look pretty good.  But when I compare myself to Jesus... I see that I am only kidding myself if I think that the "makeup" of my heart doesn't need to be adjusted.
I realize that my only hope is in Him and He ability to... COMPLETE THE WORK HE BEGAN IN ME (YOU)


Dear Wife.. sometimes....we are the person in the home who needs to change.  Not all the time.. But sometimes... Maybe.. today... you can take your Mirror out, opens its pages, and ask God to speak to you about how your heart looks... to Him.   Because He's the only One who can really see it.
I love you,
Mrs. Older

TODAY IS THE TOMORROW YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT YESTERDAY

I wish someone had taken the time to tell me what I'm about to tell you today, dear wife.  Wait... let me rephrase that.  I wish I had listened to the loving people who did try to tell me what I'm about to tell you, but I was too proud, unteachable, controlling and stubborn to hear it.  The words? 

"Don't waste today worrying about tomorrow."   

Seems simple enough.  And that's the problem.  It seemed like trite, simplistic advice.  Every time someone would have the absolute NERVE to dismiss my "serious" worrying with such trite-ness I used to think, "Seriously?  That's EASY for you to say... because... well... I HAVE to worry about tomorrow because... because.... because... if I worry about tomorrow.... then..... well....."    It was about control.  I thought that if I took the time to think through every possible thing that could go wrong.. and worry about it.. and figure out HOW to figure it out.. then I was in control.  It was a deeper issue.. a spiritual one... of not being sure the LORD was able to be the LORD of my life.  I wasn't sure He was able to handle things. (I know.. I'm not proud of my attitude... )

One day... I read the words of Jesus, "Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?" and they annoyed me!   THAT WAS THE DAY .... I UNDERSTOOD THAT... I was so addicted to my worrying that I had gotten to the point that trusting the words of JESUS seemed unreasonable to me.  Little faith.  That was me. 

I gave my worry to the Lord.  I did.  He taught me ONE DAY AT A TIME.  I began to understand that EACH day He sends enough of everything for TODAY.  JUST FOR TODAY.  I don't have enough strength to handle what may come tomorrow.....and so He doesn't send it today.. HE SENDS WHAT I NEED WHEN I NEED IT.
He is the ONLY ONE who truly KNOWS what I will need tomorrow..and the day after...
One day... I am sure I heard Him whisper to me...
 "See? Today is the tomorrow you were worried about yesterday." 
Ask the Lord for the faith to believe that He's got today all taken care of.. and tomorrow.. 
"Don't waste today worrying about tomorrow."  This is the MOST EXCELLENT ADVICE.  Enjoy what YOU HAVE today... instead of fretting over what you don't have.
Is anybody listening?
Love you,
Mrs. Older.

FREE HEART GUARDS AVAILABLE

"Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life."  Proverbs 4:23 (NLT)
SADLY... SADLY... SADLY... many of us do not heed this warning until it is too late.  We deceive ourselves in to believing that a little resentment, a small little anger, some tiny envy, a seed of selfishness, some good old fashioned rebelliousness won't matter because no one can see it.  But the Bible says that what you DO is always a direct result of what you ARE INSIDE. So then....
"Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your MARRIAGE."   I have never counseled a couple in crisis - NEVER - and found that both parties had hearts of love, acceptance and forgiveness toward one another.  I have never seen a marriage self-destruct when both people were diligently praying for LOVE. I cannot remember one situation where a marriage was in trouble and both people were being diligent to prefer one another, to submit to one another, to love one another as Jesus loves them. 
What I have found is that slowly, without anyone noticing, one or both people become self-absorbed. It can be because of disappointment, grief, or struggle. The focus is on "ME, ME, ME" without regard to what that's doing to the "US, US, US" of marriage.  When we focus on anything but the PROMISES and FAITHFULNESS of GOD.. we are focused on the wrong thing. 

Lest you think "Mrs. Negative" wrote this column today, I want to tell you that the good news is that you CANNOT - in your own strength - guard your own heart.  That's good news?  Yes... because... God knows us better than we know ourselves.  It will take a nuclear sized explosion inside for us to be the kind of people we need to be.  AND HE GIVES THE POWER - HIS VERY HOLY SPIRIT - TO CHANGE YOUR HEART.  
How?  First admit to yourself and to God that your heart needs work. Then admit that you don't know how to do the work on your own. Then tell Him that you are willing to allow the Holy Spirit to change you. 
Then...relax... go eat a bagel... have a cup of coffee.. praise God... love God... read The Bible... go to church... love others... and just keep telling God that you WANT to be fixed inside... and HE WILL DO THE FIXING.   In His Time.

Yes...HE WILL.
OK... I love you all.
AND...
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Mrs. Older

BYE, BYE WINTER AND MY PINK LEOPARD FUR SHOES

It's that time of year again when I start to move the summer shoes and clothes to the front of my closet and move the winter stuff toward the back.  Which means it's time to say "Bye-bye pink leopard fur shoes.  I will wear you again someday."  Trust me, they start LOTS of conversations. BUT  seasons change and my wardrobe must change with the season.  The thing about wardrobes is that in the winter - when it is freezing outside - my wardrobe of heavy clothing and hats and boots and gloves keeps me ALIVE. However, the very wardrobe that kept me alive in the winter will kill me in the hot heat of the humid summer if I refuse to change my wardrobe when the season changes.

And that's the way life is for humans - it is simply living through a series of continuing seasons - AND - having the wisdom to change  wardrobes when the season changes.  I'm not talking about shoes and clothes.  I'm talking about attitude and perspective.  
The ONE TRUTH about seasons is that they CHANGE - and the wise wife wears the wardrobe that will get her through the season she is in.  

• You may be in a season of financial challenge - put on a wardrobe of faith that God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory. He will. He will. So take off the wardrobe of worry and fear and put on the wardrobe of a woman of faith.
• You may be in a season of disappointment in your husband - put on a wardrobe of mercy because the merciful will be shown mercy. Take off the wardrobe of judgment and anger.  You will need mercy at some season in your future. Trust me, you will.
• You may be in a season of feeling spiritually dry and discouraged - put on the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.  Physically, actually, OPEN YOUR MOUTH and praise God for something.  
• You may be in a season of being disappointed in yourself, or feeling guilty and accused.  Seriously?  Put on the belt of truth and breastplate of righteousness and tell that accuser that there is NO CONDEMNATION to those who are in Christ Jesus. Go ahead. Say it. Out loud. "I am a child of God. There is NOTHING the Blood Of Jesus cannot cleanse."  (Didja say it?  OK. I"ll wait.)
  

Whoever you are and whatever season you are in - God is there with you.  Wives, remember to sometimes take off the Mommy Wardrobe and put on the Girlfriend Wardrobe.  Take off the Drill Sargent Wardrobe and put on the Let's Have Fun For A While Wardrobe.

Someday, your mothering season will end.  Someday, your young woman season will end. There's nothing sadder than a wife who has only worn The Mommy Wardrobe for the past few decades.. and when that seasons ends...  she has nothing to wear.  It's hard to take off that wardrobe, isn't it?  Once a Mom, always a Mom.  But... Love your kids and raise them to love God.. and continue to accumulate eternal wardrobe pieces - like LOVE, FAITH, HOPE, and SERVING GOD AND OTHERS, and using YOUR SPIRITUAL GIFTS.  Eternal wardrobe pieces never go out of style. They are... well.... ETERNAL. You will always be clothed in the righteousness of Jesus.  Always perfect. If you are His follower.
How to know which wardrobe you should be wearing?  It takes being a woman of prayer, who is in tune with the Holy Spirit, to know and recognize the wind of changing seasons before they even arrive.  If you don't pray, there's nothing more to say. Pray. Pray. Pray. Not to ask for anything but to know the will of God.  Try it.

"Everything on earth has its own time and its own season" (Proverbs 3:1)........... and it's own wardrobe. 

Once again, thank you for the scores of you who have signed up to get this blog via email. Where did y'all come from? 
Thank you for the comments you are leaving.  I encourage you to leave a comment - even if you disagree - and at the very least READ the comments the other wives are leaving.

Jesus loves you.  
That's the Truth.
Mrs. Older  

FEELING LIKE A LUMP OF NOTHING TODAY?

You are looking at a picture of one of my most precious and prized possessions - a hand made, 34-year-old clay pencil holder.   No one would pay even one penny for it - and yet I wouldn't sell it for a million dollars. (Well... ok... if someone actually OFFERED me a million dollars for it... well... I might think about selling it... but until then.. it's not for sale.)

When my son was a toddler, he and my husband and I spent a beautiful,lazy picnic day at a local state park next to a huge lake.  All along the shoreline, there was clay and my son played in it all day.  His hands formed this pencil holder, his little finger went down in to the clay and made the space for the pencil.  And he handed it to me as a gift, telling me it was to put my pencil in it.  Over the years, because I am a confused klutz at times, I've misplaced many things - jewelry and cash.  But I always know where this lump of clay is.  I always smile when I look at this lump of clay.  In this age of computers, who keeps a lump-of-clay pencil holder on a desk?  I do.  I love it.  Why? My son created it and gave it to me as a gift of love.

To all the wives who are reading this today who feel like an ugly, misshapen lump of dry clay.... I say.. take heart.  You ARE just a lump of clay.  We all are.   

The incredible - and completely illogical TRUTH is that Jesus died for lumps of clay.   When you believe that - because of what His Only Son did on that Cross - you can be FORGIVEN of your WORTHLESSNESS.... and RECEIVE that forgiveness....you become the most precious thing in the world to God.  Jesus, the Only Son of the Only God, presents us to His Father as precious gifts.  He endured the Cross because He saw US... you and me.

It's easy to fall in to the trap of comparing yourself to things around you.  Other women. Other families. Other people.  You may not look like much to people around you, you may not look like much to yourself, but I can almost hear God pointing to you and saying to the angels, "See her?  You are looking at one of my most precious and prized possessions.  I love that piece of clay.  Why? My Son gave her to Me as a gift...and I LOVE MY SON!"

God loves you.  Exactly as you are.  You are not worthless, you are priceless. Bought with such a HIGH price - the life of God's Son. And HE will never stop creating you in to the image of His plan for you. So just sit back, be the lump of clay that you are - open your mouth and thank God for loving you today - exactly as you are - and rest in the TRUTH that you are the most precious thing in the Universe to Him.  He will form you and me - little lumps of clay - in to something glorious.

Let Him do the work - you just do the worship.  

"...Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."  (Philippians 1:6)

 Thank you to all the dozens of you who have signed up to receive this via email.  Who knew Mrs. Older would have so many many new friends?
Thank you to so many of you who have posted comments.

Love you,
Mrs. Older