SAY IT FOR SEVEN

Some people are hurt because someone said "I hate you!"

Some people are hurt because someone never said "I love you." 

Some people say things they should never say.

Some people never say things they should say. 

There is nothing we can do about hurtful words we have spoken.   We can apologize, ask for forgiveness... but the words still wounded the heart of the hearer.  That's why there is so much teaching about controlling the tongue.
BUT.....Controlling the tongue doesn't just mean NOT SAYING STUFF.

It means SAYING STUFF THAT WILL EDIFY, ENCOURAGE AND BLESS THE LISTENER.
If you are a wife who prides herself on the fact that you never say anything hurtful... good for you.  But.. you should also know that many hurting people point to words they NEVER HEARD from Mom.  They never heard what mom liked about anything - their dad, their house, their life, their church, their friends... and them.

If you are a silent admirer of your life - you need to change... and OPEN YOUR MOUTH to speak good things.  Give it a try. Just for seven days.

Consider this your OFFICIAL invitation to be part of 

Mrs. Older's 

"Say-It-For-Seven Home Improvement Campaign"

OK.. don't make light of this.   For the next SEVEN DAYS - June 1 - 7 -  start  a NEW habit of saying stuff you LIKE about your life, your family and others.  Say it OUT LOUD for seven days.

The only RULE is that you must speak TRUTH.  Because the TRUTH is that all around you are GOOD things.. which GOD has given you. 

I'm not just talking about telling your family what you like and appreciate about them and what they do and who they are... though.. that's part of the Say It For Seven program. But let your family hear you say good things about your life.. in general.  OUT LOUD.  About your friends, your family, your job, your church, your husband, your home. It's easy to complain  - but it's just as easy to PRAISE the LORD for what you HAVE.

SAY ONLY GOOD THINGS FOR SEVEN DAYS.  I'm serious.  Anyone can do anything for just seven days.  Find the good and "Say It For Seven" Days.
And see what happens to your home.
And your
heart.
It will change everything about your world.  And I think you'll have a difficult time going back to your complaining when Day Eight rolls around.  
"The mouth speaks what the heart is FULL of." - Jesus, Matthew 6:45 (NIV)

Love you,
Mrs. Older 

AUNT MARY'S HEART

Well.. it's been a busy couple of weeks for Mrs. Older.  I miss all of you Mrs. Youngers and fellow Mrs. Olders.

 
The picture to the left is of my Aunt Mary, 87.  I was in my hometown city - speaking at my hometown church for Mother's Day.. up in the Northeast...and  Aunt Mary came to the service to hear me. 
I didn't realize then that just one week later, although seemingly in great health for an 87 year old - she would have a stroke... and be in Intensive Care in her local hospital - where she remains as I type this.  The day of the stroke, she'd gone on a bus trip with her church group. She has such a fun day. I love Aunt Mary.  She is like a second mother to me.   
We are praying for God to have His Will in her life.   At the moment she clings to life... and we are believing that God can do what he wants.  We want her to keep living - but she just longs to see Jesus.  A week earlier, one of my cousins, a hairdresser, was giving her a perm.  My aunt always dressed impeccably and cared about her appearance.   She said to my cousin, knowing how much the family adores her, "When I go, I know you will all be sad, but I'll be happy.  I want to be with Jesus."  What an amazing way for us to be brought up... all of us surrounded by moms who loved Jesus more than anything on earth.  It is a great and awesome heritage.

I have been reminded.. or maybe I'm just being taught...that in the end, what we ARE matters more than what we DO.. or what we HAVE.  Aunt Mary's life is being summed up in simple sentences like, "She is so full of love.  She is  so giving."     It's such a basic reality of being human.. What you ARE is what will be remembered when you are no more.

And so here's a picture of Aunt Mary and a heart she wore to church that day. In the end.. it is Aunt Mary's heart that touches the world she lives in.  

The Bible says that only God can see someone's heart. And that's true. But every now and then someone loves other people so much... someone cares about other people so deeply.. someone gives compassion so fully... that we cannot help through that person to actually  see the heart of God.  I could never see Aunt Mary's heart, but through Aunt Mary's life I could see the heart of God.

Today I want to honor one of my "Mrs. Older's" - who loves Jesus with all her heart.

To all the Mrs. Youngers out there.. worried about finances, concerned about things you can hold and touch... I would like to remind you that anything you can see, touch, or hold is TEMPORARY. 
Focus... on... eternal things.

I love you Aunt Mary.

ONE MORE PRAYER.

This past Sunday, for Mother's Day, I was invited to speak at all three morning services for a church located in New York City.  I appreciate a pastor who trusts me enough with his sheep to allow me to bring the message for the day. It's a great responsibility and I take it seriously.  Thank God for men of God who are not afraid to let women of God speak... sometimes... Anyway. I spoke about...
...... a woman in the Bible whose story has taught me a great deal.  Her name is Hannah.  You can read her story in the book of 1 Samuel.  Hannah wanted to have a child but GOD HAD CLOSED HER WOMB.. and so.. she could not conceive. God wasn't being mean. God wasn't saying "NO" to Hannah, He was saying "NOT YET"... God was getting ready to give Hannah a "Samuel"  who was one of the most famous prophets in history.  His timing was perfect.  His plan was exact.   But Hannah didn't know any of this.   She prayed year after year, after year, after year. And nothing ever happened. NOTHING EVER HAPPENED.

But one day, Hannah prayed ONE MORE PRAYER.. and that was the prayer that God answered.  All she knew is that God as her only hope, her only answer.  She had no way of knowing that TODAY was THE DAY.. and this was THE PRAYER.. that God was going to answer.
And in spite of the fact that her rival tormented her to tears, and that her husband didn't get her grief over being childless (He said, "Aren't I better than ten sons?" Really?) and that the priest in the temple thought she was a drunk rather than a heartbroken, sobbing woman.. HANNAH PRAYED ONE MORE PRAYER. ONE MORE PRAYER. Even though hundreds of prayers had not been answered.. She prayed one more time.. one more day... and that was the day God heard and answered her. 

Her story has inspired me countless times over the years.  To believe that maybe God isn't saying "NO" but... "NOT YET."  Her story has given me the courage to believe that God has something special.  And so.. I have prayed ONE MORE PRAYER... hundreds of times. And then.... the answer comes. Always better than I could have hoped or expected.

Today..and maybe God seems mean and uncaring to you.... and maybe you have given up thinking God cares... or God understands.. or God is going to hear you...but... maybe He is preparing something so special.  Maybe He wants to answer in a way that is MORE amazing that what you are asking for.

Dear Wife, God isn't mean... even though sometimes people are.  Sometimes.. just like the priest in the temple... His people don't understand, don't have compassion, don't feel your grief.  Hannah knew God was her ONLY hope.. and so to HIM she poured out her heart.  God is your ONLY hope.Would you pray one more prayer today?  Would you believe ONE MORE TIME? One... more.. time?
Why don't you post your prayer request below (you can do so anonymously) so that the other readers and I can join with you and pray with you?  Who knows?  Your ONE MORE PRAYER might be the last prayer you pray before your answer comes.

Love you so much,
Mrs. Older
P.S. I am astounded and humbled by the number of you who have decided to follow by email.If you know a wife (or a single woman) who might be encouraged by this blog.... please ask her to sign up. Upper right part of this page where it says "Follow by Email"  Your email address will not be shared.
Thanks again.
Mrs. Older.

SOME WIVES ARE NOT MOTHERS

More women stay home from church on Mother's Day than any other Sunday of the year.  Why?  Because it's a reminder for many of them of what they never had, or what they had and lost. For women who have not been able to have a child, for women who have lost a child, for women who have lost their mother - it is the MOST DIFFICULT day of the year. 
I know this because of hearing from so many women who read articles I have written or have heard me speak at a conference they've attended. They write to me. They tell me. 
I don't believe that those of us who have NOT lost our mothers, who have NOT struggled with infertility, who have NOT experienced the loss of a child should be thought insensitive because we celebrate the blessings God has given us.  Every one of us - even those who cannot celebrate on Mother's Day - have countless blessings to thank God for.

But... Mother's Day can be a really difficult day for more women than you might think.

You cannot change a thing - you cannot bring a mother back, or create a baby in a womb.  But.. you can....
Reach out. 
Notice.
Love.
You might include a motherless woman in your family's celebration.
If she is someone who loves YOUR children, you might have them write a thank-you card, or give a gift of thanks.
Life is difficult enough, and Mother's Day is an especially difficult one for many wonderful women.
I'm just sayin'.  I'm just shining a little light.
Happy Mother's Day to all the wives who are mothers, and to all the women who are not. Every day is the day that God has created. Every day is a day we should be glad and rejoice in it.
Love you,
Mrs. Older

MEET MERCY MOMMA

The eight year old boy hadn't really disobeyed as much as he has disregarded his mother's warnings.  She'd warned him about leaving his bike out in the driveway. And for a while he listened. But then, he forgot. Got distracted. Forgot about following the rules and left his bike in the driveway. And one day, a delivery truck drove over it. Bye, bye bike. The boy was more destroyed than his bike was.  He and his friends spent every free hour riding bikes. And now he watched his friends enjoying the fruit of not disobeying.  They had bikes. He did not.He was truly repentant. But repentance didn't give him his bike back. 
His mother  was heartbroken over what he had lost.  Every mother knows the feeling, the question:  "Why didn't you listen? Now you are in pain. This is what I wanted to keep you from." But... Children rarely realize that it is LOVE that creates guidelines of protection.

A few hours later, Mercy Momma returned from a trip she had taken in the family's mini-van while Dad stayed home. Dad said,  "Son,you said you were sorry for leaving your bike in the driveway and your mother and I believe you are.  But... now we are going to teach you about mercy.  God's mercy.  He undoes what our disobedience has done."   And then they gave the undeserving boy an undeserved new bike.  That boy learned more about God's love.. and his parent's love.. when they extended MERCY than any punishment they could have handed out.  He never left the bike in the driveway again. His broken heart met mercy that day. And he was never the same.

So, o.k. nice story, Mrs. Older.  And? So? What?
You are the little boy, mother.
You often disregard the rules.
God takes no pleasure in watching you live a guilty, heartbroken life.  God is calling to you today.. through a blog.. written by a fellow failer... and He is LONGING to show you mercy. He wants to RESTORE, RENEW, REPLENISH, REVIVE what your lack of regard for His guidelines has taken from you. Will you let Him? Will you believe that you are forgiven?
Because... you are.
Meet "mercy", Momma.  
Meet mercy, embrace her, and let her lift you back to the place your Father intended for you all along. 

"If you, Lord, kept a record of sins Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you. "  Psalm 130:3-4

THE JOY OF BEING WRONG

 If you knew this wife and mother -  you'd know that she's a great forgiver.  She really and truly is.  She has forgiven almost every sin imaginable. Her father. Her mother. Her siblings. Her husband. She gives credit to God for teaching her how to forgive. She is a MODEL of forgiveness. HER CHILDREN WILL KNOW HOW TO FORGIVE OTHERS because they saw it modeled in their mommy. 

They might, however, have a problem - like their mommy does - with asking for forgiveness.   SHE'S NOT REALLY GOOD AT ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS.  Maybe it's because she has lived a life of enduring people sinning against her.  Who knows?  She excuses her behavior. She justifies her mistakes.  If a brave friend (like me) tried to suggest that maybe her anger, her attitude, her favoring one child over another, her constant berating of her husband, her loud and sassy attitude could be a contributing factor in the turmoil in her home.... she shut me down. I learned the hard way that unless I was willing to let her always be the VICTIM.. she wouldn't let me be her friend.  The cold hard truth is that she wasn't ALWAYS the victim. Sometimes she was the VICTIMIZER. Sadly, her second marriage is on the rocks. Family torn apart.  Siblings not speaking. Her family, her marriage could have been redeemed if she wasn't so adamant about never being wrong. I think her children would have forgiven her mistakes... if she would only have admitted she made some. 

God OFFERS forgiveness.. FREE...because Jesus paid the price for every sin.

BUT....God doesn't forgive anyone who doesn't ask to be forgiven. 
FORGIVING IS ONLY HALF THE STORY OF REDEMPTION.

ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS IS THE OTHER most important HALF.

A child who knows how to ask for forgiveness is a child who will be forgiven.   Have you ever asked your children to forgive you for your failures? Or do you brush them off? Acting like you are a perfect person cannot be doing any good for your less-than-perfect children.
My goal today, is that the Holy Spirit will convict just one mommy to humble herself and admit to a kid that, yes, she lost her temper and she was wrong.  Period. No excuse. "Mommy should not have screamed at you like that.  Mommy was wrong. Will you forgive me, daughter?" 
OR... "Children, it's not your fault life is difficult at times. Will you forgive me for exasperating you and expecting you to be the adult while I act like a baby?"
OR... "Daddy, I was wrong for being so grouchy and speaking to you the way I did... Will you forgive me?"  
Being wrong - and admitting it - is the first step toward being right.  THE JOY OF BEING WRONG is that without it, you will never experience the JOY of being FORGIVEN. And neither will your children.

Love you,
Mrs. Older.

(P. S. Take the time to read the comments on other blogs. And.. if you are, in any way, encouraged by these words.. please invite your friends to sign up to receive these via email.  Top of page. Right.)

THE SEASON IS ALWAYS GREENER....

If you are wife and mother, juggling so much work and responsibility... and you are tired and overwhelmed today... you may look at a picture like the one I have posted today and long for the season of life to arrive when you have the time to walk along a solitary, peaceful beach by yourself - with no one saying "Mommy" fifty times until you answer.  Well, maybe not a beach.  Just a cup of tea on the front porch without interruption.  You imagine when the kids are grown and gone and you will be able to just be you again. Nothing wrong with that.. but.. let me tell you that the season is always greener when you aren't living through it.

 I was talking to a friend of mine this morning - another Mrs. Older.  And we are both enjoying the season we are in - our children grown, grandchildren growing - BUT... as we talked we remembered that there was something solid and comforting about that "raising the kids" season of life.  It was a nice structure to know that for the next several years our lives were pretty much planned out for us - raising the kids, working the marriage, school, homework, school lunches, making dinner, softball games, football games, buying clothes, washing clothes, pets, vacations, church, church camps, etc.   There was a comfort in that that we didn't notice, or appreciate. 

And one of us said, "Wish someone would have told us as younger wives to really ENJOY that season.. and not let it pass without understanding that there would be things about it that we would really really miss someday."  The thing about being old enough to look BACK is now I know the season is always greener when you aren't living in it.  I wouldn't want to be back there - diapers, ear infections, etc. - and although I enjoyed every second of being a mom.... every, single, solitary second....I wish I would have enjoyed it more.

Seize your season... whatever it is... and enjoy it.  Because the one thing about seasons that NEVER changes is that SEASONS always change.
Contentment comes when you understand that it may SEEM like the season you aren't in is green and wonderful and peaceful and fulfilling.....until you are in it.
Every season has a challenge.. that causes us to learn to lean on Jesus... FULLY.
The Bible gives us the key to seasons.. "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstance." Phil. 4:11

Your season the season God has ordained for you, right now.  Be content in it. No, more than that.. REJOICE IN IT.

Preaching to you... the Mrs. Youngers, and the Mrs. Not-So-Youngers and all my fellow Mrs. Olders.
HAVE JOY.  Because JOY is contagious.
Seize the season!
I love you,
Mrs. Older.