BROKEN TOYS

The pretty little girl was sobbing.  Her baby stroller had come apart -the wheels fell off -  and she couldn't use it any longer.  What's the point of a baby stroller that doesn't stroll a baby?   Exactly.
She ran to her daddy, my son, with the broken toy.  First, he hugged her to comfort her, and told her he could fix it.    Her face filled with childlike hope.  She handed him the broken toy and her father took the stroller, reattached the wheels,  and it was fixed.  My beautiful granddaughter (can I also say "perfect"?)......went on her way.  She said to me, "Daddy can fix everything."
She was unaware that what her father had done was not a big deal for him.  It was a simple snap, snap, snap and her world was in order again.  She didn't know - or care about - whether it was a difficult thing she was asking.  He was her father and he would fix it.

It was a big deal lesson for me to learn that day.  It's simplicity was the reason it was so profound. 

I guess my analogy (or is it a metaphor??) is pretty obvious.  Sometimes as a wife and as a mother things break. I'm talking about things you can't hire a repairman to fix.  I'm talking about other "things" - hearts, relationships, families that break.  We didn't expect it.   We were just going about our business, doing what we'd always done, and then, one day... the relationship is over.  Or our child wanders far from home.  Or you fall out of love.  Or he falls out of love.  What's the point of a marriage without love? Or children who don't thrive? Or a heart that has stopped beating?  Exactly.

So.. then... don't miss the lesson just because it's simple.  
Take the broken thing to God.  Don't assume it's too broken to be fixed.  How do you know what God can do until you ask Him to do it?  Just take it to Him.    I don't know HOW He will heal you.. I just know He will.
Give him your broken heart.
Your broken children.
Your broken marriage.
Your broken life.
He can fix everything. 
I promise.
I love you,
Mrs. Older
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THREE SMALL WORDS

You probably think I mean the words:  "I love you."   Nope.   Those words are important but  I would like to introduce three small words that I believe can be just as important - if left unsaid.  I have observed so many of us spending our lives, and so much spiritual and emotional energy.... doing whatever we can to AVOID having to say them.   They are: "I was wrong." 
Families fall apart and go their separate ways...  because someone refuses to say these three words.  People spend eternity separated from God because they refuse to say these three small words.  Children become exasperated and bitter toward parents who refuse to ever say these three words. Churches split, congregations fall apart because somebody refuses to say them.  Corporations explode, countries go to war.  Many times because someone cannot admit that they are the guilty one.

"I was wrong"  is not to be confused with "I am sorry." Saying "I am sorry"  CAN INCLUDE the thought that you were wrong but you can still think you were not completely wrong.   "I'm sorry" can mean "I'm sorry you were hurt by what I said or did" or  ""I'm sorry you were hurt by something I didn't say or do." It is possible to say the words "I'm sorry" and still don't believe you were wrong. 

When you say, "I was wrong" or "I am wrong" there is no further discussion or debate required.   it is the end of the discussion. Period.  The End.  You are stating truth and letting it fall where it may.

I can only imagine the FREEDOM in FAMILIES if parents would model these three words to their children. If a Mommy didn't brush it off when she has unfairly disciplined her child - and takes the time to say "I was wrong for sending you to your room.  You didn't deserve it.  I was grouchy about something else and took it out on you. Will you forgive me?  I was wrong."  I was blessed to have a mother who would and who will admit it when she is wrong.

HELLO?
What do you think that kid will think about you, Mom?
What do you think you are teaching that kid about mercy, Mom?
And what if your husband heard you say the same three words?  What if your kids heard you admit to you husband that you were completely wrong?  Only.. if you are of course..

It's true that not everyone is wrong all the time.  Not you.  Not me.  But sometimes someone is 100% wrong and sometimes that person is you.  And me.
It's freeing to admit it.
To you.
And to the people you have wronged.

I think that if more people would admit they are wrong......it would diminish family arguments by leaps and bounds.
So.. just for tomorrow.. say it when it's true.
I love you.
Mrs. Older
P.S. We now have three kazillion email followers. Who are you people? Where are you coming from?  If you want to join in.. just fill in the information at the upper right corner where it says, "Follow By Email"

MOMMY MACHINE - HOW TO BE A PERFECT MOTHER

It still haunts me to this day and my son is a grown man with a family of his own.  When he was only 9 months old, my husband and I were invited to a church camp meeting.  We arrived at this meeting late in the hot summer afternoon.  It was a gorgeous day in the hills of Pennsylvania.  It would be a time of music, worship, singing, and preaching.   It was a reunion with friends we hadn't seen in a long time.  I was so happy to be there.
The only glitch is that my nine month old son WOULD NOT STOP CRYING.  I picked him up from his stroller... sang to him.. carried him... bounced him on my knee...checked his diaper.. changed his diaper., checked his temperature, checked his teeth, checked everything that could possibly be checked.. but... HE WOULD NOT STOP CRYING.   He was a GOOD BABY and he had NEVER been so fussy.   I was... I will admit... annoyed.  I was the victim. The martyr mother. I thought, "Of ALL the days he has to fuss.. why TODAY?"  Finally... finally.. finally.. he fell in to a crying induced sleep in his stroller and I had fun the rest of the evening.

Until, we got back to our car at about 11 PM.  And there, TO MY UTTER HORROR... sitting on the back seat of our car was my son's baby food jars. His dinner.  His dinner that I neglected to feed him because I was so busy being "social". What kind of mother gets annoyed at her hungry child? What kind of mother forgets to FEED HER KID HIS DINNER? It is the most basic Mommy job of all - FEED YOUR KID.
He couldn't talk yet.  He couldn't say, "Mom, I'm starving. The reason I'm fussy is because I haven't had a morsel of food since lunch.  Could you please stop socializing with your friends, and walk back to the car and get my baby food jars?  Could I please eat my plums? And my smashed up in a jar green beans?  And that other glop in the big jar that says "Chicken Fiesta"?  Could I have my box of raisins? Please, Mom? Please?"  But all he could do was cry. And hope his mother knew why he was crying.  Poor baby. Mean Mommy.   I have actually asked my adult son to forgive me.  He laughs, "Mom.. stop it. I don't even remember."  That's true.  But I do.

I wish I could say that was the last Mommy Mistake I made.. but.. I cannot.  I have made a million Mommy mistakes.  Some of them funny, some of then not-so-funny.  Looking back there are TEN million things I wish I could do over.   Ninety million things I wish I could undo. But I cannot.  My son has turned out o.k.  He loves God, his wife, his kids.....and yes... his mom.  Go figure.

Dear Mommy... there is no pressure that can wear down a Mommy's heart greater than the pressure of trying to be the PERFECT MOTHER.   There is no such a thing as a perfect mom because there is no such thing as a perfect human.  You are only human.
The biggest mistake a mommy can make is believing that a mommy should never make mistakes.  FORGIVE YOURSELF for being foolish enough to think you can be perfect. Mistake-less.  
Nothing turns a woman in to a robotic, dead-inside Mommy Machine more than being disappointed in yourself for not being perfect. 

LOVE COVERS A MULTITUDE OF MOMMY MISTAKES.  
Trust me. I know. 

XOXO,
Mrs. Older
P.S. Welcome to all the new email subscribers.  Thanks for joining... mostly.. thanks for telling your friends about A Word To The Wives.

THE MOMMY MACHINE - PUT YOUR KIDS UP FOR ADOPTION

So...one day.....a man and his daughter needed to get from New York City to Los Angeles.  He wanted to drive there instead of flying in order to spend quality time with his daughter, talking with her and teaching her about the things she saw and experienced. So... he hired a driver to drive him and his child to Los Angeles.  He provided everything needed for the trip - gas, food, maps and lodging.  Imagine his surprise when, a few days later, he saw a road sign that said, "Welcome to Florida".   Florida?  Florida is not a state a person would pass through to get from New York to California.  He was annoyed and confronted the driver.  The driver said, "OH.  I didn't think you really wanted to get to Los Angeles.  I thought you didn't care where we were headed as long as we kept driving."  What does this have to do with being a Mommy Machine?

Circumstance #3 - GETTING OFF COURSE

In the story above, think of the man who hired a driver as God, and the child as your child and you, the parent, are the hired driver. God supplies everything you will need to raise that child - HIS CHILD.   God's MAIN destination for your children is that you put them up for ADOPTION in to HIS ETERNAL FAMILY.  A parent who gives up a child for adoption does so because that parent knows that the NEW family will be able to give the child what they cannot.
 In a spiritual sense, telling your child that being ADOPTED in to God's eternal family is the most important goal they can have in life is the MOST LOVING thing an earthly parent can do.  An earthly parent can give so many things to a much loved child - but we cannot give them a new heart.  All through the Bible, God continually tells parents that talking about Him, His ways, His plans, His will, His love, His faithfulness - as you walk, as you drive - is the way to raise a kid.

God is so adamant about not losing HIS relationship with YOUR child that He gave HIS child up to have YOUR CHILD.   Today, dear sweet Mommy who feels like a machine, remember what we said, "God is more interested in you as His daughter than as His servant."   God wants to adopt you.  God wants to be the Father you never had.  God wants to give you the Family you long for.

Let Him adopt you if you haven't already.  And then, let your children know that they should always do their best at everything they attempt in life.  But remind them that the really true measure of a successful life is having the eternal honor of calling God, "Father". Getting your children "HOME" is the main goal of being a Mommy.  Sometimes we get off course when we adopt the world's definition of success.  But repentance is nothing more than changing your mind and turning around and going in the opposite direction. Ask God to send His Spirit to help you. He will.   And if you send me an email, I will do my best to answer your questions... though..I am not an expert...just a little bit older.

XOXO,
Mrs. Older

 

MOMMY MACHINES - THE CURE FOR "MARTHA-ITIS"

WHAT ARE THE CIRCUMSTANCES THAT NEED TO BE PRESENT IN ORDER FOR A WOMAN TO MORPH IN TO A MOMMY MACHINE? Yesterday's blog stated:  Circumstance #1 is POWERLESSNESS. Today we will quickly look at the primary reason for POWERLESSNESS.. and it is...

CIRCUMSTANCE # 2 - "MARTHA-ITIS"

Luke 10:38-42 describes the primary carrier of the disease. Jesus stopped at the home of his friends, Mary, Martha and Lazarus. Martha got  busy preparing the food.   Her sister Mary sat and listened to Jesus.  When Martha complained to Jesus about Mary's "laziness" He instead corrected Martha for her "busyness."  He said,
"Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things.
There is only one thing worth being concerned about. 
Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”  
Jesus identifies that it wasn't just TODAY that was getting to Martha ...there were deeper issues bothering Martha.
The primary symptoms of Martha-itis are:

1-    Being bothered and worried about many things.
2-   Annoyance at others for not helping you accomplish your work.
3-   A feeling of being taken advantage of by others.
4-   Assuming Jesus is also annoyed at people who don't help you.
5-   Lack of discernment over what is important in life and what isn't.
6-   Feeling like a martyr.
7-   Anger at others. Complaining, murmuring and resentment.
8-   Telling Jesus what to do concerning His 'lazy" followers.
9-    Accusing Jesus for not caring about your work overload. 
10-  Being too busy to sit at Jesus feet.

I confess - Mrs. Older is a recovering Martha-itis Sufferer. 
I won't tell you what to do.. but.. I will tell you what I did to be cured of Martha-itis.

• I built my day on the truth that God will supply all my needs and this includes enough TIME each day to accomplish what I need to accomplish.  If I don't have enough time it's always an indication that I am wasting it on something I shouldn't.
• I had to admit that I was cramming too much stuff in to my days. 
• I had to reevaluate WHY I doing WHAT I was doing?  Was it to glorify God? If not, then it was optional. 
• I learned to say "NO". I had trouble saying "NO" at first, so I'd say, "Let me think about it" when people would ask me to teach a class at church, or run an event at school, or invite me to a social event during a week that was already over-committed.  

Finally.... I accepted that Jesus was speaking UTTER TRUTH when He told Martha that ONLY ONE THING really MATTERS.   SITTING AT HIS FEET.

Mary wasn't settling for a perfunctory time of "having her devotions"..... she was WITH JESUS... HEARING HIS HEART.   She was IN HIS PRESENCE.  HE said, "My sheep HEAR MY VOICE." He is Truth. He cannot lie.
To stop being a Mommy Machine you will need the JOY and REFRESHING that comes from sitting at Jesus feet. This takes time. It isn't the same as going to church and sitting through a twenty minute worship set. It means getting alone. It means taking the time to read His Word and ask and allow The Holy Spirit to explain it to you. Time to tell Jesus what your needs are, but more importantly taking the time to tell Him why you love Him; what you love about Him. Time to thank God for being willing to send His Only Son; Time to hear what the Holy Spirit wants to say to you.
IT.  TAKES. TIME.  Time that you have if you don't waste it on stuff that really doesn't matter.
It may require reevaluating every single commitment you have. It isn't easy.. but  it's worth it. 
One thing matters. Find it. And it will NEVER be taken away.
I love you all, but Jesus loves you more.
Mrs. Older



P.S. There are now forty nine kazillion email followers - give or take a kazillion.  Thank YOU everyone.  Please invited your friends to sign up in the upper right corner.. "Follow By Email."

THE MOMMY MACHINE MORPH - POWERLESSSNESS

WHAT ARE THE CIRCUMSTANCES THAT NEED TO BE PRESENT IN ORDER FOR A WOMAN TO MORPH IN TO A MOMMY MACHINE?  

The dictionary that comes with my laptop defines "machine" as: "a simple, unpowered mechanical device."  I would expand that definition to say that a MOMMY MACHINE is "a woman who has become mechanical because she  lacks power."  

CIRCUMSTANCE # 1 - LACK OF POWER

Think about the OTHER machines that help your family run.   You can read, reread and MEMORIZE every word that is WRITTEN in the INSTRUCTION BOOKLET - it won't work if you don't plug it in.  FURTHERMORE  -  imagine your utter frustration if for YEARS you took out your vacuum cleaner, DIDN'T PLUG IT IN - and tried to vacuum your carpet.   Soon... you'd just accept the shame and disappointment of dirty carpets. You'd think the manufacturer LIED to you - you'd think OTHER women with vacuumed carpets were somehow BETTER or SMARTER than you.  You'd think other women KNEW something you didn't know, or HAD something you didn't have. You'd think you were LESS THAN other moms. 

HELLO?  SOUND FAMILIAR? 
 
MRS. OLDER TRUTH: 
It's INEVITABLE that your HUMAN POWER will not be enough to thrive for a lifetime as a wife and/or mother.  You NEED God - you NEED His Spirit to give you the wisdom, the power, the love, the patience, kindness to be what you long to be as a wife/mother who is God's much-loved child.   I feel bad for Church Mommy's who have memorized and can quote the Human Instruction Manual (Bible) but have never learned that simply memorizing verses isn't the whole story.  We need the Holy Spirit to help us PUT THOSE WORDS in to true life reality.  You can know God's word but not put it in to PRACTICE.  Jesus describes this as building our house on sand.

And yet another MRS. OLDER TRUTH: 
"Everything God requires requires God in everything."

Needing God is God's secret setup. Being overwhelmed with life isn't proof that God doesn't care. 
The opposite is true:
God CARES SO MUCH that He has created Life on Earth so that we cannot live it without Him or His Holy Help.  I would suggest (?) that perhaps His greatest love is demonstrated when He allows us to get to the end of our own strength so that we realize He is willing to give us His Strength.

Dear Mommy Machine, It's no wonder you are frustrated, tired and a little bit annoyed at God. He did not create you to tough it out through life. 

Have you asked God for wisdom concerning a perplexing problem with your teenager?
Have you asked God for love for those step-kids?
Have you asked God for power to stand for what is good, and pure, and holy?

Have you asked God for strength to get through your long, hard-working days?

The pursuit of power begins with admitting you are POWERLESS.
OPEN YOUR HEART AND ASK.  He is waiting to help you. He cares about every thing.

It doesn't have to be complicated to be truth.
I love you,
Mrs. Older.

THE MOMMY MACHINE - INTRODUCTION

"MOMMY MACHINE"  - (n) - a woman with children who used to have dreams, hopes, and plans - but now all she has is a headache. She does what needs to be done because it needs to be done.


When I'm not writing this blog...I write songs.. I sing songs..I speak at a women's event now and then.. AND I write articles. My target audience is women.  Married women in their 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's...  OK.. all women.

When these articles appear in the magazines, I get lots of emails from the women reading them.  (I use my real name when I write them)  This gives me an insight in to what they are feeling.  I love these women... I love their hearts. Not every email is a sad one.. Usually they offer encouragement to me... they offer hope and joy and love.  But..just as often...they tell me about  their disappointment. Their sadness.  Their disillusionment.   Many of them have become "Mommy Machines".  One woman said, "I would never shirk my responsibilities, but life has become one mundane moment after another.  I'm ashamed to admit I'm joyless and angry."

Let me tell you something that our pastor in New York said to me years ago when I was burned out from ministry.  I had become Mrs. Ministry Machine.. and I was exhausted and out-of-balance.  This man wasn't technically our "pastor"  anymore.  He was my husband's pastor and when we married, he became mine.  He drove over 200 miles to our home one day... he heard my angry exhaustion.  He listened to me speak.. and then he said one of those life-altering, pivotal statements.. One of those sentences that someone speaks and the Holy Spirit turns the light on in your heart...  He said, "God is more interested in you as HIS DAUGHTER than as HIS SERVANT."    This one sentence helped get my life back in to the joyful existence that God desires for HIS CHILDREN.  

Before I was someone's wife, I was the Daughter of the God Of Heaven.  
Before I was someone's earthly daughter, I was the Daughter of the God Who Created Everything from Nothing. 
Before I was someone's mother, I was the Daughter of The Almighty One Who Lives Forever.
I am HIS DAUGHTER.
I am ROYAL stuff.
And SO ARE YOU.

Dear Mommy Machine -  It isn't God's plan for any person to live life mechanically... without joy.  Jesus promised that HIS JOY would be given to us.

The next several blogs......is about MOMMY MACHINES.
Have you morphed - without realizing it -  into a MOMMY MACHINE?
What are the symptoms of a MOMMY MACHINE?
Does God want you to be a MOMMY MACHINE?
How do you speak to a MOMMY MACHINE? 
How can you be HUMAN again?

It won't be rocket science. I am not a religious rocket scientist.  In the same way that one sentence spoken in love from our pastor turned the light back on in my heart - I pray that God will use some simple truth - and empower it by His VERY HOLY SPIRIT  - so that it will breathe LIFE back in to a woman reading it.

With GOD.... ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.
I LOVE YOU,
Mrs. Older

P.S.  I don't know WHO is telling so many women about this BLOG.. but I am thankful for all the new email subscribers.  
If you want to subscribe, you can use the "Follow By Email" tab at the upper right corner. Your email address isn't published, and you will only receive this blog as it is published. 
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DAY 6 - SIX SHORT DAYS

Today's blog will be a shorter blog than yesterday's. Let's face it The Bible is a shorter blog than yesterday's...

ANYWAY.......if you have reached Day 6 of our "Say It For Seven Home Improvement Campaign" you might be interested to know what other women have discovered in SIX SHORT DAYS!  These women gave me their permission to include their comments below:

• "Please don't laugh but on Day One I could not think of anything positive to say. This was a complete surprise to me.  I started to thank God out loud for the basic things - 'Thank you that I can see, that I can walk, that i can hear; thank you for my vegetable garden.'  I can see small changes in the atmosphere in our home. I am embarrassed to admit that it is related to the angry  words I did not say for the past five days."

• "My fourteen year old daughter cried on Monday night because I sat her down and told her that I wanted her to know what I think is right with her.  We spoke for five hours . I think it has changed our relationship completely for good.  I never saw how negatively I speak to her.  She is a good kid.  Now she knows. Thank you."

•  "Tuesday night, as we were cleaning up after dinner, my nine year old son said, 'Mom, I want to take a moment to tell you that you make excellent brownies.'  He was echoing the way I began saying good things to him, 'Jason, I want to take a moment' 

• "I thought this was a simplistic idea but I thought 'What the h---. I'll give it a try.'  In four days, I can see the cloud of gloom and doom leaving our home.  Yesterday (day 5) my husband said, 'You seem like you used to be when we met in college.'  Everything seems light and less stressful.  I guess I am writing to say something good to Mrs. Older - 'Thanks'. 

 I could list all twenty four thousand emails (ONLY KIDDING.. JUST WONDERING IF YOU READ THIS FAR).....One more day to go.
If you are having trouble thinking of something good to say, you can simply repeat these words from Psalm 145:
"I will exalt you my God and King, and praise your name forever and ever.  I will praise you every day; yes I will praise you forever... I will meditate on your majestic, glorious splendor and your wonderful miracles. ...for your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom.  You rule throughout all generations....The Lord always keeps his promises; he is gracious in all he does.  The Lord helps the fallen and lifts those bent beneath their loads... I will praise the Lord and may everyone on earth bless his holy name forever and ever."
Thank you to the wives who regularly WRITE TO ME...  LEAVE YOUR COMMENTS BELOW. 


Love you all,
Mrs. Older
 

DAY 5 - GREEN JELLO AND WHIPPED CREAM

DAY FIVE - SAY IT FOR SEVEN -
"GREEN JELLO AND WHIPPED CREAM"
Last night, our son and daughter-in-law, and three grandchildren invited us to their home for a cookout. Fresh, healthy food and deep loving family fellowship. I am thankful.  It was a wonderful time. 
My daughter-in-law utterly limits sugar in the kid's diet. Utterly.  ON THE OTHER HAND..she understands that every now and then every kid likes candy.. or ice cream.. or a sugary dessert. Last night, after she cleared away the kid's dinner dishes,  she came back with three beautiful dessert dishes - filled with green jello and topped with whipped cream.  The children's faces lit up - they squealed with delight - and said, "THANKS.. MOM!"  Mom would acknowledge that there is ABSOLUTELY NO nutritional value at all in green jello and whipped cream.  But....it gave her JOY to give the kids what they wanted... just because they wanted it. It's a tiny part of their overall diet.  These children have been taught to make healthy food choices and they do.  But the truth is that no was one squealing loudly..."THANKS MOM!" last night for the joy of eating a fresh carrot or asparagus.   The kids understood that Green Jello and Whipped Cream is a treat - and not the normal diet a loving mom presents to children she adores.

And I saw myself in that scene.  I hate to admit that in a spiritual sense - I'm still - at times - a "Green Jello and Whipped Cream" kind of THANKER.  I  like getting SWEET THINGS from my Heavenly Father. I like the easy-to-swallow kind of stuff.  And because He loves me - He often gives me stuff I ask for, stuff I don't need, stuff that has no eternal value - just because He loves me and wants to see me happy. And I saw in those beautiful children that they didn't understand that it was what their mother gave them BEFORE the GREEN JELLO and WHIPPED CREAM was the REAL LOVE.

This past week I have lost two women I love to death... to death.  I've lost them to death.    It's been said that death is part of life - and that's true. But it's not a fun part of life.  It's a sad part of life.  One woman was a friend in her early 60's who passed away in a tragic diving accident, and the other was a dear aunt, like a mother, who lived a long life, and passed away after a short illness.  They are both in the Presence of Jesus.
And today I find myself wondering if... now that they can CLEARLY see the whole picture.. NOW that they are no longer looking through a glass darkly... now that they have God's PERSPECTIVE..

• I wonder if they are thanking God for stuff that those of us still "here" would not see as a blessing.  
• I wonder if now that they are "home" they are thanking Him for the trials He sent them - more than the blessings? 
• I wonder if they see trials AS blessings.. now that they SEE the whole picture?
•  I wonder if they can SEE NOW that it was the testing of their faith that was TRUE HEAVENLY LOVE? 
• I wonder if their thankfulness is completely changed now?  
• I wonder if I can have their perspective... but have it NOW?  I want to.

So...Today.. on Day Five.. of SAY IT FOR SEVEN... I am surprised to be praying a different kind of prayer of thankfulness.  I am thanking God in a new way today.  "Father, thank you for the days my faith is tested. Thank you for the days you orchestrate it that YOU are the ONLY ONE I have... because... You ARE the only One I have.  Forgive me for not understanding that it is in the trial that I grow.  It is the testing that makes me strong enough to overcome and arrive safely HOME.  Help me swallow the bitter pills of life knowing that you love me just as much as when you give me SWEET TREATS that make me smile."
I never expected, when I started "Say It For Seven" that on Day Five I'd have said goodbye to two women I love.. and finding comfort in knowing their lives belonged to Jesus.. and it is Jesus who holds them close.  Nothing else they did while on earth matters - except for giving themselves to the grace God gives through the Cross of Jesus.  Who knew what I'd be thanking Him for?  He knew. He knows.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."   James 1:2-4

I will post a few emails I have received from so many of you.  I will do it tomorrow.  Thank you for sending them to me. (awordtothewives@gmail.com)

I am astounded at how many of you are becoming friends of Mrs. Older.

(You can sign up to receive this blog via email at the upper right corner of this page.)

Be blessed today.. with good things... even the tough to swallow ones.
I love you,
Mrs. Older
(Post or read comments by clicking on the "comment" link below)

DAY 4 - WOEFUL WIVES AND MISERABLE MOMS

 Day #4 of "Say It For Seven"  - AND TODAY I AM WRITING TO THE MISERABLE MOMS AND THE WOEFUL WIVES. BECAUSE...Some of you...HONESTLY... are not "feeling" the experiment. 

EXACTLY.  PRECISELY.  This experiment is not about what you FEEL like saying  but speaking the TRUTH about the good things in and around your life.  You are surrounded by good things. Sent by God. Your focus is simply off.  OK? OK.  It's not your husband, your kids, your circumstances.  It's your heart. 

For those of you who still feel MISERABLE INSIDE.. and....cannot in all TRUTH  find anything to be thankful for.. or any GOOD THING in your life...  I am getting ready to give you the MOST EXCELLENT ADVICE.  READY?

Stop trying to find the truth and let The Truth find you. 

HUH?  
JESUS is.....THE TRUTH"   He promises to send the Holy Spirit - "The Spirit of Truth" to any of His followers who ask Him to.  I am writing to those of you who don't see anything good to say.  To anyone.  About anything. Life to you, is sad, miserable and not happy at all. 
JESUS UNDERSTANDS.
One of the things an overwhelmed, under-joyed women DOES NOT NEED is a complicated solution to a complicated life.  HOORAY.. because the solution is profoundly simple: 
Stop trying to find the truth and let The Truth find you.

LET JESUS FIND YOU.  HOW?  It's as simple as crying out in desperation.... "Jesus, please find me.  I'm lost!"
Dear Sweet Woe Filled Wife,  Your sadness is a spirit thing.. not a circumstance thing.  It is a HEART thing and not a HOME thing.   It IS POSSIBLE to be going through the most miserable moments.. and yet... be able to say.. "Somehow, inside, I still have overwhelming JOY."  Not only is it possible.. it is the PLAN of God for you.
Is Mrs. Older always singing for joy and never struggling through confusion? NO. But, I have to also be honest and say, that more and more I am surprised to discover that REST and PEACE have taken up residence in my fearful little heart. Yes. It's the TRUTH.  When I admit I cannot do it without Him... He comes and does it for me.

Do you trust that God is a good God? That He longs to show mercy? That He wants to protect you? That He wants you to have JOY in the midst of a JOYLESS planet?  Because that's the TRUTH. 
You cannot be thankful... unless He places that thankfulness in your heart.  Ask Him to give you a thankful heart.  Sincerely ask Him.  And. He will.


So.. today.. fix your focus on what you cannot see.  HUH?  Take your focus off your husband, off your children, off your LIFE HERE... and in desperate HONESTY.. ask The Truth (His Name is JESUS) to find you.  And ask Him to send His Spirit - the Spirit of Truth also known as THE COMFORTER.. to come and comfort your broken heart.

Just because the problem is complicated doesn't mean The answer has to be.  It doesn't require a 10 week Bible Study. It doesn't require anything on your part but a desperate, from your heart, cry for help.
Ask the Truth to come to you.
And He will.

"So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever."  2 Corinthians 4:18

Mrs. Older loves you, but not as much as Jesus does.

DAY # 3 - "SAY IT FOR SEVEN"

DAY #3 OF SAY IT FOR SEVEN - 

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1  This verse tells us that wrath gets "turned away" when someone speaks a gentle answer. Whose wrath? We don't really know, do we?  It could mean that the person HEARING the gentle answer is kept from getting angry.    It could also mean that the person GIVING  a gentle answer keeps HERSELF from stirring up anger in her own heart.  

The one thing we know for certain is that when a gentle answer is given - wrath is turned away.  This seven day experiment is to encourage all the wives to speak GOOD THINGS about life - for just seven days.  Last night, a young mom called me from another state to say, "I have been doing your Say It For Seven experiment. And I have been really surprised to discover how often I have had to keep myself from answering my family in a mean or cutting or sarcastic way.  I am so disrespectful to the feelings of my husband and children.  I just want you to know that tonight I feel so calm inside.  I don't know what my family thinks but I can tell you that in just two days of NOT being NEGATIVE, and NOT being angry....MY INSIDES FEEL very peaceful."

SURPRISE!  THE HEART YOU ARE HEALING is YOUR OWN!

Your kind words are keeping YOUR heart from being angry.  YES? Yes.

I love you all for doing this.Please post your comments below.. or.. send me an email at: 

awordtothewives@gmail.com

XOXO,

Mrs. Older

DAY TWO - SAY IT FOR SEVEN

Today is DAY #2 of "Say It For Seven"
 Here are some excerpts from two emails I received from wives:

1- "I can't say I was really great at saying good things on Day 1 but I did notice how often I had to keep myself from saying something cutting or mean. I guess that's a first step."
2- "Yesterday I said out loud that I was grateful to my husband for taking the family out to dinner; at dinner I said I was thankful to have such a great job; I told the kids I enjoyed being their mom.  I tried to say things that were true. So far, nothing earth shattering has happened. But last night while we watched a movie together as a family, there was less arguing between the kids. The house had a more peaceful atmosphere."

A WIFE - her words, actions, and attitude - have a PROFOUND impact on the tone in the home.  I would suggest that before today begins... you decide how the family is going to spend it.  
Ask GOD to send HIS SPIRIT to give you a heart of thankfulness. 


And sometimes - making a PROCLAMATION is a good way to make a good day.
When you tell your kids, "Today is going to be a HAPPY DAY.  Today we are going to LOVE ONE ANOTHER"  it can often be the seed that causes your family to have the kind of day you just announced.  Kids believe what Mommy's say. If Mommy says it's going to be THAT kind of day.. the kids look forward to what she just said.

If Mom says something like, "DEAR GOD.. I don't know HOW I'm going to get everything done today.. What an awful day it's going to be."  you've already announced to the family that they need to hang on for dear life... and stay outta momma's way.  Who wants to live through a day like that?  Not your family.  They are prisoners in a house of horror.


If a wife says to her husband,  "I'm in a bad mood today... " can she expect him to be in a good one? No.

PROCLAIM good things for a good day - and see what happens.
Choosing to be ENCOURAGING and create an atmosphere of peace in your home is not as difficult as some wives seem to think it is. It is a choice.  Just like what to make for dinner or what to wear to church.  Make the choice to lift your family UP today. Make the choice to say OUT LOUD the good things you notice about your life.  Just try it.  Trust me.  If you try it for seven days... it will change.... everything.

BTW - you can send me your own email updates at:
awordtothewives@gmail.com

Also....please sign up at the upper right to receive this blog via email.

Love you,
Mrs. Older

DAY ONE - SAY IT FOR SEVEN

So far there are a few dozen women who are going to join in the "SAY IT FOR SEVEN CAMPAIGN" (read yesterday's blog).  The idea is to open your mouth and say GOOD THINGS about your family, about your life, about your day... OUT LOUD and TO YOUR FAMILY. To say things TO YOUR FAMILY about each one of them that will ENCOURAGE, EDIFY and UPLIFT.  No complaining OUT LOUD to anyone (but the Lord). In addition, this is MORE THAN just a discipline of your mouth.  Jesus said that what you say is an overflow of what's in your heart.  This is asking the Holy Spirit to help change what's in your heart.  You cannot do it without the Holy Spirit's help.  Here are some early comments from readers.  You can leave your own if you'd like.   

• S. says - "I was so convicted because I never say anything good, out loud, about the life that God has given me.  That sentence really hit me."

• A. says - "I'm in.  My family will thank you for this."

• B.  says - "SEVEN days?  It seems like forever.  I'm going to give it a try."

• D. (a husband) says, "I asked my wife if she read your blog today because I don't have the courage to tell her that she is very negative about the things she says about her life.  I feel like such a jerk all the time because we can't fix up the house the way she'd like, we can't go on vacation this year due to job setbacks, we have an older car, and she doesn't like her job.  She said she would give this experiment a shot since I said I would also.  I am so curious to discover if there is anything she actually likes about me, her kids and her life.  Thank you for suggesting this.  She really looks up to you." 

• M. says - "When you wrote the quote that Jesus said, about that whats' in your heart is what you say, I understood I have a great deal of anger inside me.  I am asking God to help me for seven days."

• L. says - "I'm with you.  Thank you for the challenge. Yesterday, because I knew I was starting this today I noticed that most of the stuff I say to my family is negative.  I bark out orders, I complain about my mother, I talk about women in my small group.  Thank you.  I'm going to try to do this for seven days."

" I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." 

Yes. You can.

Love you, 
Mrs. Older